Every Broken Heart
by HowCanITellYu
Summary: It's been over a year since Nick left Holby to escape his memories, now he is back, trying to escape from new nightmares and dragging Zoe into a very dangerous world - Hope you enjoy it. I love to hear your comments :)
1. Chapter 1

"Nick! Oh my God! Nick!" Zoe gasped as he forced the last of the air from her lungs. She felt his arms relax, just a fraction, even after all this time he could sense her every need. Her lungs reacted automatically and she drew a deep breath of cool air across his skin. Her internal muscles tightened in response to his scent, a swirl of butterflies tumbled in her stomach. She savoured the sensation, hands spread against his back, moving slowly over him, memorising every contour of muscle and bone. He had lost weight, his muscles gaining definition, his shoulder blades and ribs distinct beneath her fingertips. She held him tight, their bodies locked together as though they belonged. She felt him breathe, the same rush of cool air over her skin, he held the breath, she echoed the simple action. The smell of him so familiar, clean and fresh. Hospital clean, scrub soap with just the faintest hint of delicious sun tanned skin and the unique smell of her lover.

He turned his head, the short soft beard unfamiliar but not unpleasant. His lips moved against her cheek, breathing her name. His broad powerful skilled hands moving over her, comforting, gentle, yet every movement stoked the fire that had never been extinguished. His long fingers found their way beneath her hair, grazing across her neck, inducing goosebumps and memories in the instant before he cupped the base of her skull in his palm. She leaned into him instinctively, trusting the security of his embrace, obeying his unspoken instructions as though a connection had been forged with her brain.

His lips brushed hers with the gentlest of kisses, teasing, searching. Her hand skimmed his shoulder and neck, fingers raking gently through his short clipped hair just behind his ear, strengthening the connection if that were at all possible. Memories surged through her mind, taking her back to that evening in his office, the first time their lips met. The same gentle, almost shy inquisitiveness of his lips which, she had fallen head over heels in love with, it was beautiful, but she knew the full force of his passion filled kisses. Her lips parted just a fraction, the tip of her tongue caressing his lips. His embrace shifted, gathering her protectively as he responded.

It had been well over a year, almost two, since she had seen him and almost double that since he had kissed her like this. Zoe melted against him, closing her senses to everything except the solid warmth of his body and the all consuming way in which he kissed her.

She barely heard the knock at the door, but she felt the cold draught as someone opened it.

"Oh sorry."


	2. Chapter 2

Nick hardly flinched. With the tenderest concern for her, he completed the french kiss, then placed a chaste kiss to her lips, breathing the slightest sigh of annoyance out through his nose as her hands slid from his body. He turned his head to meet the familiar intruder, protecting Zoe from sight with his body. She rested her forehead against his chest, the day shift had been manic, the few brief moments since Nick had walked unannounced into her office and swept her into his arms had been the first time Zoe had been motionless all day.

"Hello Charlie." He said softly.

"Nick! Good to see you!" Charlie said far too loudly, making every head in the ED turn towards the open door. "When did you get back?"

Zoe laid a palm against Nick's chest, reluctantly opening the space between them, a puzzled frown danced on her brow as her fingers traced a familiar embroidered logo. His sudden appearance, sneaking furtively into her her office and the rapid embrace that followed, had hardly given her time to register his clothing. He was dressed in scrubs, familiar dark blue scrubs beneath an oversize grey Holby City hoodie.

"It's a long story." Nick spoke slowly, buying some time, both for himself and for Zoe. He turned his back on Charlie and the gathering crowd, raising one eyebrow at her, a clear unspoken question, are you ok? She nodded quickly, her eyes meeting his, asking the same of him. He gave the slightest nod and zipped up his hoodie, pulling the ribbed lower edging down his thighs, thankful that his size had been missing from the rack and he had taken one that was two sizes too big. Satisfied that he was decent and settled enough to face his colleagues, he squeezed Zoe's hand and turned to greet them.

Zoe straightened her dress, perched on the edge of her desk and watched him greet each of their friends and colleagues in turn. He was thinner than she had ever seen him, he had had his hair cropped short, the way he wore it when they first met, though it was sun bleached and military short. The soft beard was more like week old stubble, pale against his sun tanned skin, doing little to disguise the sharp line of his square jaw and the irrepressible smile that danced on his lips as he shook hands with some and hugged others. It hadn't escaped her that he looked exhausted, his brow slightly furrowed as though something were weighing on his mind. The line across his forehead didn't escape her attention either, the distinct imprint of a surgeon's cap, she had seen it so many times before. The mark of a long difficult operation, one which he had been anxious about as he scrubbed up, tying the tapes of the cap just a fraction too tight was a tell tale only she would notice. He hadn't just arrived in Holby, the impression in his flesh told her that as she had struggled to save lives here in the ED, feeling so alone and helpless, he had been upstairs, applying his skills to another patient. Suddenly the day didn't seem so bad.

She had disconnected from the conversation, the murmur of the team welcoming him, but one word cut sharply through:

"Afghanistan?"


	3. Chapter 3

Zoe's heart reeled as Sam spoke the name of the dreaded country. Holby was far from the war zone, but the ED still suffered the effects. The thought that Nick had been out there, in who knows what danger for how ever long, sent Zoe's thoughts into a spin.

"They'd been keeping her alive, only just, the hospitals out there are decades behind ours." There was pride in Nick's eyes as they took in the bright familiar surroundings of the ED with its well stocked trolleys and highly trained staff. "There was no hope of a transplant and she would not have survived the journey." His voice dropped a little, he glanced back at Zoe, checking her reaction. "Meyer and I flew out there five weeks ago, we fitted a Berlin heart." There was an undertone to his voice, a sadness that made Zoe want to rush to his side, to wrap him in her arms. "She was almost strong enough to undergo the operation to fit the artificial heart when..." He paused, just a little longer than was necessary, his eyes flicking to the floor, avoiding his colleagues, breaking Zoe's heart. "When we had to evacuate the hospital." He added with a simplicity that spoke volumes. Sam looked aghast, her eyes meeting Zoe's for an instant before darting away. "The only thing to do was to bring her here." Nick took a deep steadying breath, he didn't need emotions running away from him, if he lost control, the memories that threatened to engulf him would take over. He looked straight at Charlie, a centre of calm in so many emergencies past. "The operation went well, she's in intensive care." He forced a grim smile. "In fact I need to check how she is doing."

Zoe was about to protest, or follow him or something, as she dithered in the doorway to her office, he brushed straight past her, sank into her chair, picked up the phone and dialled an extension.

"Close the door." He said to Zoe. "Stay, please." He added in an almost whisper as she reached for the handle. She waited until he had replaced the receiver before leaning against the desk. "So far so good." He reported on his patient. "Nothing more we can do, but wait." He ran a hand over the back of his head. Waiting for a question that never came.

"I need a hotel room." Nick broke the comfortable silence that had settled between them. "I don't want to go back to the apartment, not tonight."

"Come home with me." Zoe heard her own voice say, she kicked herself inwardly as the words left her lips. If he didn't want to disturb the memories he had run from, why on earth would she imagine rekindling older memories would do him any good what so ever. He looked fit and strong, but she had seen through his armour, glimpsed the raw vulnerability beneath.

"Really?" He sounded surprised, but grateful. He reached for her hand, brushing his fingertips tenderly over her skin.

"I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it." She countered warily. "I've got a spare roo.."

"Thanks." He interrupted, nodding his acceptance.

Alone was the last place he needed to be tonight.


	4. Chapter 4

"Make yourself at home." Zoe kicked off her shoes and padded barefoot across the floor of her apartment. Nick followed her cautiously, his dark eyes scanning the once familiar room. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "I'll get us a take away." Nick nodded absently, his eyes sweeping every inch of the place with a disturbing thoroughness. Zoe twigged at once what he was doing, she had seen it before, in injured soldiers send home from active duty. For moment she hesitated; should she let him continue or break the cycle with a joke?

She crossed to the bookcase and ran a finger along a shelf.

"Here's some." She offered her dusty fingertip to him, praying that he wouldn't dive for cover or worse, flee from her home.

"What?" He questioned, the most endearing look of bewilderment on his face.

"Dust." She kept her distance from him, not knowing what reaction to expect. "That is what you were looking for, wasn't it?" She forced a grin. "My housekeeping hasn't improved."

"I er, n... erm ...bu ..." Nick stumbled over his words, taking Zoe's mind back to the days before his operation.

"It's ok Nick." She wiped the dust from her finger onto her dress and outstretched her hand. "You're safe here."

"I know." He whispered, placing his hand in hers and making no objection as she pulled him close, slid her other hand around his ribs and hugged him.

"So, Chinese, Indian, Italian?" Zoe asked breaking the silence but not the embrace. She rubbed her hands up and down his back, as she skimmed his lower back Nick flinched violently with pain. Her hands froze, she slowly looked up at him, questioningly, afraid of what his answer might be.

"It's ok." He breathed. "Anton's stitches are very neat. The dressing may need changing, I should have brought some from the hospital."

"Nick." The way Zoe breathed his name caught in the tangle of emotions which threatened to spill. He wasn't sure he wanted to be here, but he didn't want to go to his home, or a hotel. All he wanted was to be with her.

"Do you have any baked beans?" He changed the subject rapidly. "On toast, and a glass of milk?"

"A glass of milk I can do." Zoe crossed to the fridge, poured some milk into a glass, Nick followed her to the kitchen area and sat down at the table. Zoe handed him the glass and he took a large gulp of the cold liquid. "I can go and get some beans and bread." Zoe offered, respecting his reluctance to talk about recent events.

"Can I come with you?" Nick asked softly.

"Sure."


	5. Chapter 5

The hypermarket was busy, Nick took charge of the trolley, his knuckles showing white as he gripped the handle. Zoe led him confidently though the store, not wanting to spend a minute longer than necessary in this stressful environment.

She leaned on the pharmacy counter, keen eyes scanning the selection of dressings and tape, her hands resting absently on a display of condoms.

"How big?" She asked Nick, as the assistant approached.

"Eight inches." He replied with a smirk.

Zoe fought to keep the shock from her face, as she asked for a pack of extra large dressings. His pain filled reaction when she had accidentally brushed her hand over it earlier, still haunted her.

"Oh, the wound?" Nick leaned in and whispered in her ear. "About three inches." Zoe elbowed him gently in the ribs, it was so nice to see him smile. "We might need to irrigate." He prompted.

"Infected?" Zoe's voice was laden with concern.

"Think so." He breathed, unzipping his hoodie and testing the temperature of his own skin through the cotton of the scrub top he still wore.

"Let me see." Zoe requested, half expecting him to refuse. Instead he allowed her to place her hand gently on his back, feeling the now fiery heat. She quickly moved her hand to his head, testing the temperature of his forehead with the back of her hand, he was quite warm. "That's a little bit more than 'think so'." She gave him a serious look then rummaged in her oversize handbag, pulling out a pen and a prescription pad. Nick gave her a disapproving look as she turned her back on the pharmacy staff and wrote his name and the address of his apartment on it, followed by a course of antibiotics and her flowery signature. She ripped it from the pad, turned it over and handed the pen to Nick.

"What?" She asked. "I'm the boss now." She cautioned. "Sign here."

"Yes boss." He conceded, despite her methods, he did need the medication. His fingertips bushed hers as he took the pen. Zoe watched as he ticked the box marked 'I am the patient' and added his rapid signature below.

"What's the date?" He asked, the pen hovering over the line.

"26th." Zoe provided.

"Really?" He frowned as he completed the form and handed it back. "It doesn't seem like three whole days."

Zoe handed the prescription and a twenty pound note to the pharmacist, requesting the additional supplies.

"Three days?" Zoe prompted.

"Since we were in Helmand." Nick provided. "No wonder I'm hungry, and tired." He offered a grim smile, he didn't like admitting how tough the journey home had been. "We only had iron rations on the flight, then a mars bar before we went into theatre."

"It will be about 15 minutes." The pharmacist told them, casting a look half way between admiration and pity over Nick's hospital attire, her interest in his last sentences a little too obvious.

"Thanks, we'll come back later." Zoe guided Nick away from the desk. "Iron rations?" Zoe asked.

"It's not as bad as it sounds." Nick laughed. "The stuff soldiers live on out in the field, biscuits, energy bars, boil in the bag meals, at least they had the facilities to heat the packs on the aircraft."

"Not exactly first class travel then?" Zoe made light of it, hardly daring to imagine what Nick had been through.

"It's not the first time Meyer and I have performed an operation mid air, you know." He forced a light tone, in the vague hope of removing the images from his mind. He had seen some sights in the ED, but the war zone was something else again.

"Really?" Zoe raised an eyebrow at him.

"Really!" He echoed. "On a flight back from a conference in America, we delivered a baby." Nick smiled at the memories. "By C-section, the girl will be a teenager by now." He fell silent suddenly, his gaze fixed on something in the distance. "That was fun." He added, he didn't need to tell Zoe the last flight had been very different. He gave the trolley a little push, letting it roll hands free for a few paces, Nick reached over his head with both hands and firmly pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt, concealing his face in shadow, finding comfort in the anonymity of it. Zoe walked at his side in silence, respecting his unspoken 'don't talk, don't touch' request.

"Can we get some fish-fingers?" Nick asked as they strolled through the aisles.

"We can get anything you want." Zoe reassured him, puzzled by his sudden child like question. They were passing the clothing section and Nick paused, reaching out to test the fabric of the t-shirts on display.

"I'll need some clothes." His voice was low. "I haven't got my cards, or any money." he admitted reluctantly. "I'll pay you back" He added quickly

"Nick." Zoe laid her hand over his on the handle of the trolley. "It's not a problem, you'd do the same for me." Nick flicked back the hood and nodded slightly.

"I hope my wallet is locked in the safe up on Darwin and not in mid-cycle in the laundry" He forced a laugh. "Goodness only knows what they'll make of our military scrubs." He selected a black t-shirt with a faint grey logo across the front and held it against his chest. "What do you think?"

"You always look good in dark colours." Zoe began to relax, just a little.

"Dark colours it is then." He checked the size then swapped the shirt for a larger one and dropped it into the trolley, before heading for a display of jeans.


	6. Chapter 6

An hour later they were back in Zoe's home. Nick, now dressed in jeans and a chunky knit sweater, was eating a third bowl of sugar puffs while Zoe attempted to cook the requested fish fingers, beans and toast. He washed down the antibiotics with the last of a pint of milk and leaned back in his chair watching her.

It had been so long since they had spent an evening alone together, Nick didn't want to think about the past, but being here felt right. He let his eyes wander over Zoe, she looked just as he remembered her, still as domestically disorganised, still as brilliant a doctor as ever. He couldn't imagine being anywhere else tonight, trusting anyone else to take care of him.

"There we go." Zoe triumphantly placed a plate on the table before him and handed him a knife and fork.

"Just how I like them." He grinned.

"What slightly charred around the edges?" She teased.

"And the toast burnt on one side." He added in jest.

"It's not that bad." She slapped his shoulder gently. "The smoke alarm hasn't gone off!"

"Are you sure it's cooked all the way through then?" Nick teased, giving the beans a suspicious prod with his knife.

"Of course I'm sure, I'm a doctor aren't I?" The irrelevancy of her statement made him laugh.

"It's perfect. Thank you."

It felt so nice to sink into the soft leather of Zoe's sofa, she made no objection as Nick kicked off his trainers and swung his long legs onto the seat. Zoe watched him relax as she waited for the tea to brew. Tea was one of the many things Nick had put into the trolley, the rest were scattered across the work top, vanilla choc chip muffins, bread buns, a carton of pineapple juice, half a dozen eggs, a packet of smoky bacon, a bottle of brown sauce, some cheese, six pints of milk (of which he had already drunk two), a tiny bottle of vanilla extract, a large bar of chocolate, raspberry yoghurt, a net of onions, some minced beef, two tins and a tube of tomato purée, a packet of spaghetti, a bright red tooth brush, a razor, shaving foam, deodorant, and a tub of ice cream which he had put into the freezer himself, knowing that Zoe would forget. The clothes he had chosen had all been casual, though buying bespoke suits late night at the local hypermarket was a bit much to imagine.

Zoe poured the tea, set the mugs on the coffee table and picked up the bag of medical supplies.

"Let's have a look at you then." She tapped his feet, sitting down beside him when he moved. Nick peeled off his sweater and lifted his t-shirt to reveal a stained military style dressing, the edges secured with vicious looking tape.

"We forgot the elastoplast remover." He grimaced. "My mother always advocated ripping it off quickly."

"I'm not that cruel." Zoe assured him, dropping a light kiss onto the point of his shoulder "Come with me." Zoe was relieved when he took her hand and followed her to the bathroom.

"Take off your shirt." She instructed, then after he had done so, she wrapped a bath towel around his waist to protect his jeans and indicated the edge of the bath. "Sit down." Again Nick obeyed, his brown eyes following her as she filled the basin with warm water, carefully testing the temperature before soaking a flannel. "Is this too hot?" She asked touching it momentarily to his back, well clear of the inflamed area.

"A little." He replied. She added a bit more cold and tried again. "That's fine." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, allowing her space to soak the adhesive and gradually ease it from his flesh.

"This stuff is … "she searched for the word

"Exasperating?" Nick suggested.

"Does it have to be this sticky?"

"Yep." Was all he offered in reply and Zoe suddenly realised that he wouldn't want to discuss the circumstances in which this type of tape was normally used.

"Nearly done." She reassured him, laying her free hand gently on his shoulder blade as she held the warm flannel to the last of the tape, then soaked the dressing and eased it away from his flesh. The wound was actually two, almost parallel, the longest about three inches, both closed with tiny neat stitches. The smaller of the two was angry and inflamed, puss and blood oozing between the stitches. If they were in the hospital Zoe would have reopened it to clean it and then re-sutured. She peeled the last of the tape from his skin, dropped the dressing into the bin and carefully washed away the remains of the glue that formed a large rectangle around the injury.

"How does it look?" Nick asked.

"The smaller one is infected, the other is fine". Zoe examined it more closely. "I think we might get away with irrigating it tonight, but I'd like to do it properly in the ED tomorrow."

"Sure." The prospect of driving back to the hospital tonight didn't appeal.

Ten minutes later, Nick was sprawled on the sofa. Zoe considered opening a bottle of wine, but decided against it, if the infection got worse, she wanted to be in a fit state to drive. She left the bottle in the cupboard, crossed the room and crouched down beside Nick.

"Comfortable?" she asked, he was lying on his side, his head on a cushion.

"Not too bad." He smiled at her, one of those devastating smiles that had the power to make her agree to anything.

She indicated that he should move, snatched the cushion from the seat and sat down in its place, patting her leg to indicate that he should use it as a replacement pillow. Nick settled back down, laying his head on her thigh. Zoe rested her arm on his shoulder, her hand settling on the side of his head, fingers raking gently back and forth through his hair, skimming the tiny tell tale bumps on his skull, which were the only remaining signs of his operation. Nick drew a deep breath and blew it out slowly through his nose, relaxing as he did so.

It had been a long long three days and here he was: safe.


	7. Chapter 7

"I'll have to make up the spare bed." Zoe said softly, tracing the outside edge of Nick's ear with one fingertip, she had always thought he had the most beautiful ears. He tipped his head back just a fraction, looking up at her.

"Zo?" He spoke her name slowly, "Can I ask a favour?"

"Of course, anything." Her finger retraced the path over the lobe of his ear, round the curve to his side burn.

"Could I," Nick began, "would you mind if," he paused again, "if I slept next to you?" The way he worded his request tugged at Zoe's heart.

"Of course you can." She reassured him, pressing her palm to his cheek.

"Thank you." he said simply.

Zoe's bedroom was just as he remembered it. Nick stripped down to his newly purchased boxers and slipped between the soft sheets, he pulled the duvet over himself and settled into the deep pillows. He ran his tongue over his teeth, Zoe's toothpaste tasted far better than that the hospital supplied.

"Ok?" She asked as she appeared at the door.

"Fine." He smiled back at her, watching as she took her dressing gown from the back of the door and headed for the bathroom.

When she returned, she switched off the light before rounding the bed, dropping the fluffy robe to the floor and sliding between the sheets. Nick guessed she was naked, a fact that was confirmed as she edged up to him, sliding one hand around his ribs to nestle in the warm fur in the hollow at the centre of his chest. He closed his hand over hers, just as he had done so many times, back when this had been their normal nightly ritual. Zoe settled herself against his back, pressing a single kiss to the nape of his neck.

"This ok?" She asked.

"Perfect." He whispered. "Night night."

(Just a little update for now, maybe more later, Tx for the fab reviews, great to know you're enjoying it!)


	8. Chapter 8

(Sorry for not getting this up last night, but as it's a morning story I hope you'll like it this morning)

Zoe woke before the alarm was due. Opening her eyes to the sight of the back of Nick's neck bathed in pale morning sunlight was one of her favourite things in the whole world. She lay perfectly still, listening to his slow gentle breathing, savouring the warmth between them.

She had intended to silence the alarm and leave him sleeping in her bed, but the distraction of watching him sleep, allowed time to slide by unnoticed. She silenced it quickly, feeling Nick turn over as she did so. As she turned back to look at him, her eyes met his and time seemed to spin back effortlessly to the months when they had been a couple.

"What time is it?" He asked lazily.

"Quarter to seven." Zoe provided.

"What time does work start?"

"Eight."

"Hmmm." He reached out to her, sliding his arms around her then pulling her tightly against his body, nuzzling her neck, sending shivers down her spine at the unfamiliar familiarity of him. "You don't need to get up just yet then." he stated.

"Not just yet." Zoe confirmed, unsure of his intentions, unsure if she wanted to accept or refuse his attention if it should turn more amorous.

"Good." He placed a light kiss on her neck and snuggled into her. "This is nice."

"You're not wrong there." Zoe relaxed into his arms, sliding hers about him, offering security, letting him make the next move.

"Someone once told me I never ever get it wrong." He whispered against her skin before letting sleep envelop him again.

Five minutes later the snooze alarm sounded.

"Do we have to?" Nick whispered, rubbing his nose back and forth across Zoe's neck.

"I do, I afraid." Zoe kissed his forehead and reluctantly extracted herself from his embrace, silencing the alarm, she put on her bath robe and turned to face him. "You can stay there, if you want to."

"Go on, get ready to save people." He winked at her and flopped back onto the pillow. Nick's eyes followed Zoe as she walked round the bed and headed for the bathroom. He rolled onto his front as carefully as he could, the injury was sore and tight, he found a comfortable position, ironically the recovery position, sprawling diagonally across the bed with his head on Zoe's pillow.

"Comfy?" Zoe asked as she returned from the shower.

"Yes and no." Nick winced as he turned to look at her. "How's the shower?"

"Warm and wet." Zoe retorted, brushing her hair.

"May I?" Nick asked.

"Of course. You don't need to ask." Zoe watched his reflection in the mirror as he flicked back the covers and got to his feet. He stretched carefully, scowling as the injury niggled. "How's your back?" She asked. Nick placed the palm of his hand over the dressing.

"Hot and sore." His frank assessment surprised her, she had expected him to say it was fine.

"Leave the dressing on." She instructed. "If you come into work I'll clean it properly."

Nick stood beneath the hot jet, hands braced against the wall, letting the water flow over his head, down his shoulders and swirl around his body. The quick scrub up in the hospital shower yesterday had felt like heaven after the long flight and all that had preceded it, but this really was heaven, not since he had left America had he had the luxury of so much hot water. He squeezed a little of Zoe's shower gel onto his palm, sniffing the slightly floral fragrance cautiously. Despite her hospitality he could hardly go around smelling of flowers all day. He opted instead for the bar of soap. Once he had washed himself down, he took his new razor, rubbed the steam from the glass of the shower door and used it as a mirror to shave.

As he opened the shower door, the smell of smoky bacon cooking filled his nostrils, at the exact same moment that he realised he didn't have a towel.

"Zoe!"

"Are you ok?" She rushed in, her face a picture of concern. Nick stuck his head around the half open shower door.

"Just a bit wet." He said teasingly. "And lacking a towel."

"Here." She opened the airing cupboard and selected a warm deep blue towel for him, taking just the slightest cheeky peek at him as she handed it over. "I've made you some breakfast." She said as she left him alone.


	9. Chapter 9

"Is Mr Jordan here?" Anton Meyer asked Noel at the reception desk.

"Who's asking." Noel challenged.

"He's in cubicle three." Charlie provided, ignoring the look of annoyance from Noel.

"Thank you." Meyer said and strode across the ED.

He pulled back the curtain just enough to slip inside.

"Excuse me!" Zoe rebuffed his unannounced entrance.

"It's ok." Nick said softly, he was lying face down, the wrong way round on the bed, his chin on folded arms, his knees resting on the pillow, feet crossed in mid air above his backside. He was shirtless and Zoe had a syringe of aesthetic in her hand. "Mr Meyer, this is Dr Hanna."

"Carry on." Said Meyer after a nod to acknowledge the introductions. Zoe paused.

"It's fine." Nick whispered, giving her the slightest wink, which didn't go unnoticed.

"Hold still." Injecting patients was something she did almost every day, but treating Nick with Meyer looking on made her feel like a first year junior doctor again. "Sharp scratch." She said, taking a steadying breath before applying the point of the needle to his flesh. "Give that a moment to work."

"How is she?" Nick asked, looking up at his mentor.

"As well as can be expected." Meyer remained stony faced.

"Any word?" Nick enquired.

"Not yet." Meyer didn't elaborate "I came to see how you are."

"I'm in good hands." Nick smiled at Zoe. Meyer simply nodded.

"Is that ok?" Zoe touched his back gently, testing the anaesthetic.

"Go for it."

"Hold still." She instructed, before undoing Meyer's handiwork. "Neat stitches Mr Meyer." She added.

"Years of practice." He replied, leaning over to examine the wound. "Nasty."

"The patient is on antibiotics." Zoe offered. "I hope he remembered to take them."

"Of course." Nick closed his eyes as she began to clean the wound. "Ow!" The sudden sharp pain made him flinch violently.

"Sorry!" Zoe laid a comforting hand on the small of his back, forgetting Meyer's presence for an instant and leaned in to examine the angry injury. "There's something in here." She pressed gently on the hot flesh around the wound, hating the automatic pain reflex of Nick's muscles. "I'll give you a bit more pain relief, and I think we should have an x-ray."

"Oh great!" Nick said sarcastically as he zoomed in on his own x-ray, the screen clearly showed a roughly triangular shaped, long jagged piece of metal deeply embedded in the muscle dangerously close to his right kidney.

"That is going to have to come out." Zoe stated the obvious.


	10. Chapter 10

Lying on a bed in resus was not where Nick had hoped to be this morning, but it could so easily have been a lot worse, there was something safe and secure about this familiar environment. When Zoe had, with some reluctance, suggested they move from cubicles, Nick had almost insisted she carry out the operation where he was, but sense prevailed. He couldn't avoid every place that reminded him of Yvonne, not for ever.

Resus was a place of many memories, many triumphs and disasters. It was in many ways the centre of the kingdom he once ruled. Zoe had made it her own, small changes, but obvious to his eyes.

"Ready?" Zoe asked, she had already donned a surgical gown, gloves and mask.

"As I'll ever be." Nick winked at her, he could sense her nerves, but he trusted her implicitly. "I trust you." He whispered. "Steadiest hands in the ED." He added loud enough for the nurses to hear.

Linda and student nurse Lucy exchanged a smile.

"Let's do it." Zoe took a deep breath, making the mask flutter as she blew it out again. Nick looked up at her, his lips curving into the slightest smile.

"You are great." He mouthed at her.

It took a lot longer than Zoe had hoped to clean the wound and reveal the edge of the metallic shard embedded deeply in Nick's back. The anonymity offered by the green surgical drape that allowed a view of only a few square inches of his flesh, was not enough to push the identity of her patient completely from her mind. She paused for a moment, a lot longer than the time it took for Linda to guide Lucy through swabbing away the blood that had pooled in the incision.

"Still Ok, Nick?" She asked.

"You're doing a great job." He encouraged, sensing the slight wobble of her concentration. "Just ease it out, nice and slow, keep it straight, follow the line."

"Right." Zoe said forcefully.

Nick caught a glimpse of Lucy, watching his expression intently.

"It's not often you'll get to learn medical techniques from both the surgeon and the patient mid operation." He told her with a wink. "Always listen to your patients, no matter the circumstances." He advised.

"He's a top class mentor." Linda told Lucy.

"And talks too much for a patient." Zoe added. "Even if he is talking sense." She gave him a look which clearly said 'shut up'. "Perfectly still, please."

"Yes. Boss." He clenched his fists, set his teeth and braced himself in preparation.

"Watch carefully Lucy." Linda prompted, allowing her to move close to observe.

Zoe glanced at Lucy who nodded. "We have to pull it out on the same path it entered, a smooth single movement." She laid her hand briefly on Nick's hip, a tiny gesture to reassure herself as much as him. "Check the x-ray." she nodded at the screen which Linda held for her. "In this case it is triangular, slightly curved, see how close to the kidney it is?" Linda pointed it out to Lucy. "The slightest movement in the wrong direction and we could cause damage. Swab the blood please"

"Ok." Lucy's voice was barely a whisper, her face a few shades paler than usual. She had heard so much about Nick Jordan, she had never expected to be swabbing blood from an incision in his flesh.

It was the strangest sensation, Zoe had been heavy handed with the local anaesthetic, but despite the numbness, Nick felt her close the jaws of the clamp on the edge of the fragment.

"Ok, the clamp is closed." Zoe held steady, one wrong move now could be disastrous. "I'm pulling steadily towards me and slightly upwards, following the curve." The jagged fragment was not easy to move, blood began to pour from the wound. Nick tried to ignore the curious painless tugging sensation as Zoe extracted it.

"That's good." Linda told Lucy. "Bleeding like that will cleanse the wound, nothing to worry about unless it becomes excessive."

"Almost there." Zoe hissed between clenched teeth, one more centimetre and the fragment was free.

Linda held out a receptacle and Zoe dropped the clamp into it, still fixed to the jagged metal.

Nick released the breath he had been holding and refilled his lungs.

"Well done." He smiled at Zoe.

"Not quite done." She cautioned. "But that's the worst over. Swab please."

Lucy at once stepped forward, gently touching the absorbent pad to Nick's skin.

"Good." Zoe stepped back for a moment, gathering herself. "So Lucy, what's next?"

"Irrigation?" Lucy suggested confidently.

"Spot on." Zoe nodded, stepping up and taking the syringe from Linda. "This might not be pleasant."

"Thanks for telling me." Nick interjected.

"Patients should be seen and not heard." Zoe gave him a gentle slap on the shoulder. "Perfectly still, please."

.

Once the wound had been thoroughly cleaned Zoe asked for the sutures.

"See how neat these stitches are." Zoe pointed out Anton Meyer's neat even sutures.

"The work of one of the world's best CT surgeons." Nick added. "He taught me everything I know."

"Everything?" Zoe questioned, raising one eyebrow as she prepared to begin.

"Almost everything." Nick corrected himself. "One or two others have made contributions to my knowledge, in the non-surgical department."

"Never try to learn everything from one person." Zoe directed the comment at Lucy. "Learn from anyone who is willing to teach and observe those who are not. I'm going to close now." She took the sutures and began to stitch. "Firmly, but not too tight."

.

"All done." Zoe declared, having lifted the surgical drapes she had patiently guided Lucy through applying the dressing. "Take it easy." She told Nick, a guiding hand on his shoulder as he gingerly rolled over and sat up. "No strenuous activity." She carefully eased his scrub top down over the dressing. She had allowed him to wear scrubs for the procedure, knowing how violently he hated wearing hospital gowns.

"You spoil all my fun." He teased, winking at her.

"It's for your own good." She countered. "How does it feel?"

"I can't feel a thing, from my knees to my neck." He exaggerated slightly.

"Really?" Zoe prodded the muscle of his thigh with a firm finger, drawing a pained expression from him. "You'd be the first complain if I hadn't give you enough anaesthetic."

"Fair enough." Nick conceded. They both knew she had given him a far higher dose than was strictly necessary.

"Doctor Hanna?" Charlie's voice alerted her to what was coming next. "RTA, three on their way in, one serious."

"Thank you Charlie." This was the last thing she needed today. "Oh no you don't." She cautioned Nick as he stood up and looked as he was about to offer to assist. "I haven't discharged you yet."

"Zoe... " He gave her his cutest puppy dog eyes.

"No Nick." Her tone was firm, he wasn't getting round her that easily. "I've spared you from the hospital gown, now you can go and sit in my office. Half an hour, at least." She laid a hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly, reinforcing her words. "Then I might discharge you." She but the emphasis on the word 'might'.

"Ok." He conceded reluctantly.

"Lucy, could you escort the 'prisoner' to my office, please." Zoe asked giving him a warning look. "Half an hour, at least, I don't want to see you out here even thinking of treating any patients."

.

.

(Thanks for all your reviews, it's great to know you are reading and enjoying this Nick & Zoe tale. I'm thinking of lifting the rating to M as things may get a bit intense over the next few chapters - If you normally have your settings at K to T & can't find "Every Broken Heart", you'll need to change it to show the higher rated stories. Please do leave a comment, I love to know what you think)


	11. Chapter 11

It was far later than Zoe had hoped it would be, when when she finally arrived home.

The patients from the accident had taken up all of the morning and most of the afternoon. To her surprise Nick had obeyed her instruction to remain in her office, when she had chance to check on him almost an hour after she had banished him there, he was curled on the sofa, fast asleep. He had woken just before lunch, his temperature almost back to normal and showing few ill effects from the operation, other than the expected soreness as the local wore off. Zoe had signed the discharge forms, allowed him to go up to Darwin to visit his heart patient, given him her house keys and instructions to rest. Charlie had offered to drive him back to her house at lunch time.

.

Zoe's home was all quiet and filled with a delicious aroma when she let herself in. In the kitchen a large pan full of spaghetti sauce was simmering gently, but there was no sign of Nick. The bathroom door stood open but the bedroom door was closed. The sound of quiet snoring met her ears as she eased it open. Nick's stocking feet hung over the edge of the bed, he was sleeping fully clothed, on his stomach, lying diagonally across the bed, the duvet draped at an angle, one corner of it covering his hips and thighs. Zoe leaned on the door jam, resting her head against the solid frame, content to watch him for a little while, still hardly daring to believe that he was back in Holby and that he had sought her out.

.

"Nick." She spoke his name quietly, perching on the edge of the bed, laying a hand on his shoulder, hoping to wake him gently. The sleeping worried her, he had always needed far less sleep than most people, yet here he was soundly asleep again. He opened his eyes lazily, a slow smile spread across his face.

"Hey." He breathed.

"How are you feeling?" Zoe asked.

"Better." He stretched. Zoe laid her hand on his brow, his was quite warm but the feverishness had faded. "I've made us some dinner."

"Ready to eat it?" Zoe asked, he nodded in reply. "In that case I will put on some water, and you can cook the spaghetti."


	12. Chapter 12

"Was that gunfire?"

"Ignore it." Meyer's tone was hard. The rattle of bullets grew closer then faded away. "It is beyond our control." He stated calmly. "Suction Mr Jordan if you please."

The world grew darker, filled with shouts, confusion, explosions, engines, blood pulsed uncontrolled from open arteries, splattering onto his skin, hot, dangerous, screams of pain mixed with the dull thud of tumbling rubble, running, running, the burn of smoke deep in the lungs, trolley wheels jammed by fragments, dragging through the dust, onwards, faster, faster, faster.

"Nick!" A voice, clear and familiar, "Nick" again his name, called more urgently, he looked round but he was alone, the patient, Meyer, the others all gone. "Nick?" Questioning this time.

"Where are they?" He asked the silence.

"Nick, I'm here." A hand, on his chest, pressing, holding him, he fought to free himself. "Nick! Wake up!" A female voice shouting, two hands resting on his chest. "Calm down!" He grasped the wrist of his captor and pushed the hand away. The other vanished along with it. The world swayed then went silent, the woman had gone, desperately he searched for her, turning this way and that, reaching out, searching, but she had gone. Footsteps! Should he run? Which way? He flung out his arms, turning this way then that, running a short distance only to find his path blocked. He spun on his heels, off balance flinging his arms out, desperation winning.

Ice cold water hit his face and chest with some force.

Nick lay motionless, eyes wide open, filled with fear. The water ran through his hair over his brow and dripped into his eyes.

"Nick." Zoe's voice, soft, safe, laden with concern. He looked up at her, she stood beside the bed, the plastic tumbler from the bathroom in her hand. "It's all right." she reassured him as he propped himself up on one elbow. He looked at her curiously, what was she doing? He sat up, drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. Zoe cautiously set the dripping tumbler on the bedside table. He ran a hand over his head, his hair was soaking wet.

"Did you just throw water over me?" He asked softly.

"I had to." Zoe whispered as though afraid to admit it.

"Was I on fire?" He asked in all seriousness.

"I couldn't wake you." She told him gently. "You were having a nightmare."

"The hospital." He breathed almost inaudibly. "The Insurgents, they bombed it."

"You're here now." Zoe paused, waiting for some reaction. "In Holby, you're safe here."

"The patient?" He asked.

"On Darwin. You and Meyer saved her." Zoe risked taking a step closer.

"We saved her." Nick repeated, his voice unsteady. Zoe held her ground, unsure if he was awake or not, dreading him sleepwalking if he was not.

"The operation was a success." She told him. "Then you came down to the ED, you came to my office. Do you remember?"

Nick licked at a droplet of water that was rolling across his upper lip.

"I kissed you." He whispered. "Then Charlie came in."

"That's right."

"Charlie." Nick laughed, a hollow low frightening laugh. "Always Charlie." He said calmly then fell silent for a long moment.

"Can you get me a towel?" He asked, his voice more normal, his eyes meeting Zoe's directly for the first time. "Please."

"Stay there." Zoe instructed, she hated to leave him.

"Yes boss." He whispered.

"Won't be a moment, I'll just get a towel, for you." She continued to talk as she dashed to the bathroom, grabbed a towel and ran back to the bedroom.

"Still here." Nick looked up at her, his expression half way between confusion and concern. He took the towel and dried his face and chest then towelled his hair. "Why am I wet?"

"I threw a glass of water over you." Zoe explained calmly.

"Oh." Nick spread the towel over his own shoulders and contemplated the damp duvet for a moment. "Could you get me another glass of water?" He asked. "To drink this time." He added with a wry smile. "Do you have a spare duvet?" He asked as she picked up the tumbler.

"Of course." Zoe smiled at him.

"Stay here, I know." He said softly, his expression more akin to his usual self.

"I'm sorry Zo." He said as he took the glass of water from her. He drank half of it then set it down on the side. He reached for her hand and she allowed him to enclose it in his. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

"It's ok." she breathed, knowing that even in the dim light he could see how shaken she was, a fact not helped by standing out of bed naked in the chilled air for so long.

"You're cold." He slipped out of bed, retrieved her bath robe and held it for her. As she slipped her arms into it, he asked, "Shall we make a cup of tea?"

.

Zoe made Nick sit on the sofa while she filled the kettle and retrieved the duvet, complete with a purple flowery cover, from the spare bed. She wrapped it around him then retreated to make a pot of tea, still shivering more from the shock than the chilled temperature of the small hours. She watched him carefully glad of the distance between them even though he seemed more settled. The way in which he had flung her hand from his chest earlier had given her a sharp reminder of just what a big powerful man he really was. There was no way she could overpower him if he should turn against her.

She swirled the teapot, watching him rearrange the duvet about himself and tried to put those thoughts out of her mind. After all, his physical power was one of the things that made him so attractive. She forced her thoughts back to the moment he had walked unannounced into her office, the wave of pure pleasure that had swept through her whole being as his muscular arms had embraced her.

Now that he was fully conscious there was no need to fear him.

"Thanks." he said as she placed the mugs on the coffee table. He lifted one side of the duvet, indicating that she should join him in the cocoon he had created. She accepted without hesitation, absorbing the warmth as his arm enclosed her and pulled the duvet tight. It felt so right to snuggle into his side, though she hesitated a little before resting her hand on his chest. He kissed the top of her head tenderly.

"I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered, keenly feeling the way she was shivering, knowing instinctively that it was not all due to the low temperature of the room. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"You were a little rough." Zoe admitted.

"Show me." He asked. She fought her arm free of the covers and turned her wrist over, Nick looked at the marks left by his own fingers. "God, Zo." He gasped. "I'm sorry." He placed the gentlest of kisses on the base of her palm and another the other side of the bruise.

"It was partly my fault, I shouldn't have tried to hold you down."

"No." He blew the word out in a rush of air. "I did that to you, its unforgivable."

"Nick, it's only a little bruise." She slipped her hand from his and replaced it under the covers, resting it on his chest.

They sat in silence for a few minutes then drank the tea. After replacing both the mugs on the table, Nick rearranged the duvet making sure Zoe was safe within its soft folds, his arms enclosing her. He relaxed just a little more as she snuggled back into him sleepily. It felt so right to be with her.

"I couldn't believe Charlie just walked into your office yesterday." He said against the top of her head, his lips brushing her hair as he spoke.

"None of us expected you to be there." Zoe smiled at the memories.

"It's a good thing he did though." Nick admitted.

"Oh?" Zoe shifted position turning in his arms so that she lay across his chest, facing him, her arms looping around his neck for support. She smiled as his arms moved to encircle her, holding her close. Their eyes locked together.

"Adrenaline." He said softly. "Racing through my veins." He placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. "The buzz of surgery."

"Testosterone." She countered.

"That too." He admitted. "If Charlie hadn't walked in..."

He left the statement hanging and placed a kiss on her lips.

"You should have locked the door." She suggested softly.

"I wish I had." He countered.

"Pleased to see me were you?" She teased, already well aware of the answer.

"What do you think?" He kissed her again, slowly, gently, sensually, enveloping her lovingly in his arms as she relaxed more fully against him. Zoe ran the tip of her tongue over his lower lip, feeling his body respond to her acceptance.

"Oh, Zo." He breathed, then kissed her the way he had before Charlie had disturbed them.


	13. Chapter 13

Zoe woke to the distant sound of her alarm ringing. She was perfectly comfortable, warm, lying entwined with Nick wrapped in the duvet on the sofa.

"Your alarm is ringing." His voice sounded muffled as she heard it through the ear pressed to his chest.

"I know." She said lazily. "It will stop by its self."

"Good." He breathed. "Then we don't have to move." He kissed her forehead, then her nose, edging down to her lips, cautiously seeking confirmation that their lovemaking hadn't been out of place. He relaxed as Zoe responded with fierce passion, her lazy embrace changing, clasping him tightly, hands resting briefly on his shoulders, then sliding up his neck, raking through his hair, her feet gripping his shins as she edged up his body to kiss him more deeply, effortlessly shifting position until she could once again claim him completely.

.

"God Zo." He breathed against her ear as they calmed in the aftermath of explosive passion, hearts hammering, bodies firmly locked together. "I missed you." Zoe nuzzled into his neck, fingers of one hand entwined with his, above his head.

"Oh Nick." She breathed. Squeezing him tighter, she freed her other hand, lifting her head to look down on him, pressing her palm to his cheek, communicating everything he needed to know.

The snooze alarm in the bedroom rang for the third time. They both knew they couldn't ignore it forever.

"I'll put the kettle on." Zoe said reluctantly, extracting herself from Nick and their cosy nest, all too aware that time was ticking by.

"We're going to be late!" Zoe warned, dashing into the bedroom to find Nick sitting on the bed, a towel wrapped around his waist and her phone in his hand.

"It's ok, I've texted Charlie, told him something came up."

"You'd better not have!" Zoe made a grab for the phone, but he was too fast, moving swiftly, tipping her off balance so that she landed on the bed.

When she had recovered from the fit of laughter, their grappling over the handset had induced. Nick calmly handed it to her.

"Will be in later, Zoe." She read the text aloud. "You!"

"Funny though." he raised one eyebrow at her. "So Doctor Hanna, plenty of time to take a shower before work?"

For a small apartment, with an even smaller bathroom, Zoe's shower was quite spacious. As she stepped into the bathroom, Nick headed for the kitchen, returning after a couple of minutes with a piece of cling film taped protectively over the dressing on his back.

"Could you check this for me?" He asked opening the shower door, making Zoe jump. Before she could answer he dropped the towel to the floor and stepped into the cubicle with her.

"It's been bleeding a little." Zoe cautioned. "I warned against strenuous exercise!"

"You enjoyed every second of it." He countered, taking the bar of soap from her, lathering his hands before handing it back and applying the soap to her shoulders.

"Of course." She smiled at him, copying his actions, rubbing the soap across his pecs and down his stomach, enjoying his instant response.

"In that case." He teased, as her hands moved back up to his shoulders, he clasped his hands about her hips and easily lifted her feet from the floor, grinning as her knees automatically flexed and found a hold about his hip bones. Her arms tightened around his neck, her lips seeking his as he thrust into her, beneath the flow of delicious warm water.

.

"It's only one stitch." Zoe told Nick as he lay face down on a bed in one of cubicles in the ED almost two hours later.

"I tried to be careful." He insisted, but the look he gave Zoe confirmed to Linda what she had suspected the moment she saw them walk into the ED together.

"Easily sorted." Zoe took the syringe of local from Linda. "Sharp scratch." She said, hating to inject him. "Stay there while it takes effect." She warned.

.

"I'm beginning to see what you saw in him." Linda whispered conspiratorially as they crossed to the nurses station. "He is very fit," she laughed at Zoe's expression as she tried to conceal her feelings for him, "no need to ask why you were late in this morning" Linda gave her a sideways look, obviously fishing for details.

"Now that would be telling." Zoe felt her cheeks redden.

"Good was he?" Linda asked in a whisper as Zoe picked up a pile of paperwork and pretended to read it.

"The best." Zoe confided, finally meeting her friend's eyes.

"Oh my god, he really is! Did you get any sleep last night?" Linda gasped. "I should have nabbed him when you suggested it." She laughed.

"I'm glad you didn't." Zoe signed the sheet and replaced it on the desk.


	14. Chapter 14

"Do I need to be checked over before you'll let me go?" Nick asked, getting to his feet as Zoe came back into her office. He had been using her computer to look something up on the internet.

"A quick look." She said, lifting up his sweater and tugging his t-shirt from the belt of his jeans, resting her hand on his skin as she checked the dressing had remained clean.

"Any excuse." Nick teased, hooking his thumbs under his belt either side of the buckle. Zoe pulled his t-shirt back into place, tapped the backs of his hands and unhooked the buckle.

"Do I need an excuse?" She asked, toying with the button of his jeans.

"What again? So soon?" Nick grinned at her, he knew exactly how to push her buttons. In reply Zoe stood on tip toes and placed a kiss to the edge of his jaw, then tucked his shirt back in and rebuckled his belt.

"Give that wound a little time to heal properly." She teased straightening his sweater.

"There are a few things I need to do." He told her, his expression suddenly serious. "I'll see you back here, maybe meet up for lunch?"

"Sure, that would be nice." Zoe slid her hand up his chest then hooked her fingers around his neck, guiding him down to her level so that she could kiss him properly.

.

Nick walked out of the main doors of the ED and across the forecourt, at the corner he paused, looking at the parking space where he had parked his car the night he had said goodbye.

Part of him had hated Zoe running out of the pub as he left, but as she had wrapped her arms around his neck, he had felt himself become so enveloped in her love, he knew that she was right to follow him and ensure that they parted without any regrets. He had had to tear himself away from her after just a short embrace, if he had remained in her arms any longer he might have changed his mind and stayed. A smile danced on his lips as he thought of the kiss they had shared, the slightest touch of lips, just enough to exchange pheromones and oxytocin, to reinforce the unbreakable bond between them until they could be together again.

He walked past the Hope and Anchor, a name he had always thought so suited to being a medics' local and turned the corner. He took some cash out of the hole in the wall at the bank then strolled slowly along the street. At the end of the row of shops was a taxi rank. He claimed the next cab in line and gave the driver the address of his own apartment.

Nick checked his car in the underground car park first. It was exactly where he had left it, the battery was flat, the tyres looked soft. He took the lift to the top floor and let himself into his home. There was a pile of junk mail behind the door and a strange smell about the place, the smell houses always acquired when they had been closed up for a long time. He opened the windows and stood for a long moment looking down at the city docks and the selection of boats on the moorings. He hadn't been sure how he would feel coming back here, it felt strange, but not unpleasant.

He phoned the breakdown service, who said they would be there within the hour. He picked up the mail and flicked through it, pulling out a few that were not junk, he placed them in two piles on the telephone table but didn't open any of them. His bedroom seemed very impersonal, he had stripped the bed before he had left, the bare mattress and pillows looked out of place and unfamiliar. The wardrobe was half empty, he selected a few clothes and folded them into a sports bag. He stripped off the sweater Zoe had bought him and placed it in the top. There was something in the outside pocket of the the bag, toiletries that had been left, forgotten, from some previous trip, brands he hadn't used for a couple of years. Pulling on a navy blue lambswool sweater, he took a jacket from the hangers and swapped his trainers for smart shoes. The intercom buzzer sounded, Nick put on his jacket, grabbed the bag, closed the windows and headed downstairs to meet the car mechanic.

A little over half an hour later he was behind the wheel of the black Jaguar, turning off the ring road onto the motorway.


	15. Chapter 15

It felt good to be driving his own car. The cream leather seats firmly hugging his body, his hands resting gently on the wooden steering wheel, he eased into the outside lane and pressed the accelerator, revelling in the surge of power from the v8 engine, as the Jaguar answered his request. He was breaking the speed limit, by quite a lot, but the road was clear and he didn't care. After about twenty miles or so he eased back on the power, letting the engine tick over and the car glide along at just over 70. The heating was up to temperature and he reached down and switched off the heated screens. After another ten miles he turned off the motorway and took to the winding roads that led upwards into the hills.

He parked up in a beauty spot, the nose of the car almost touching the bollards that marked the edge of the car park and the sheer drop to the valley below. Nick left the engine running and got out of the car, standing beside it, looking out over the view. Rolling fields split by the snaking motorway, in the far distance the sea glistened in the bright sunlight, between the two lay Holby. From this vantage point the city was laid out like a map. He picked out the city docks, the roof of his penthouse apartment, the tall chimney of Holby City Hospital, such an easy landmark to find when flying in by helicopter. He thought of Zoe, hoping the morning had been quiet and that Linda wasn't teasing her mercilessly for the sordid details of their early morning encounters. Not that Zoe would reveal anything, nothing of importance anyway, he trusted. For a long while he stood just looking at the city, then turned sharply, got back into the car and drove down the hillside, promising himself that the next time he came here, he would not do so alone.

"Holby" The name on the motorway overhead sign brought a smile to his face. It felt right to flick the indicator stalk, glance in the mirror and change lanes. He allowed himself the luxury of a little more power, his smile widening as the car obeyed his command. It was so much nicer than the soulless American hire cars he had driven on occasion.

As he reached the ring road he made a decision to drive straight across and headed towards the city centre, without thinking he turned right and glided through the suburbs, it was almost as if the car knew the way. Nick only registered where he was going as he turned into Yvonne's street. He found a parking space at the far end, got out of the car and walked back up the road. He stood on the pavement opposite the house, hands in his pockets, eyes scanning the bricks and mortar he had briefly called home. The house had been sold. A planter filled with bright flowers now stood by the front door, there was a ginger cat watching him from the window ledge of the living room, a large vase of flowers took central place in the bay window of what at one time had been Yvonne's bedroom and then his alone when she had had to sleep downstairs. His eyes were drawn to the window of the small front bedroom; a brightly coloured kite hung from the curtain rail, the window ledge occupied by a row of cuddly toys.

Nick blew air out through his nose, the emotions which swirled through him were a confusion of the unknown. He hadn't intended coming here, he wasn't sure that he was glad he had, but some little part of him was happy for the child who now owned that room, as though a tiny part of his dream had been somehow fulfilled. With a grim smile he walked back to the car.

.

His next stop was somewhere he had intended to go. A small beautiful florists on the corner of a row of shops which had formed the High Street in the days before Holby had swallowed up the little town and made it a part of the city. He saw the florist look up as he parked outside, perhaps she remembered his car? By the time he had parked up, and walked over to the shop she was watching the small TV on her desk as she made up a bouquet.

"British Military have today confirmed the evacuation of two British doctors and a seriously ill Afghan patient from the bombed hospital." The news reader was saying. "They returned to the UK on military transport and the patient underwent surgery in a British hospital and is now stable. There is no word as yet from their American colleagues."

"Sorry." The florist reached for the remote and turned off the TV. "Nice to see you again." She smiled at Nick. "What can I get you?"

"A single white rose." He said simply. "The best you have." He cast his eyes over the pretty bouquets, wondering for a moment if he should buy something for Zoe, but somehow it didn't seem appropriate. He paid for the rose and dropped the change into the Help for Heroes charity collection tub on the desk, he folded a ten pound note and popped it in too.

"Bless you." said the florist.

.

It wasn't far to the cemetery. Nick drove in through the gates and parked his car near to the chapel. All was silent except for birds singing in the trees. He had a bit of trouble locating the area where Yvonne had been laid to rest. Her mother had made all the arrangements for her headstone, it was the first time Nick had seen it, plain, simple, exactly the type he could easily imagine Yvonne selecting for herself.

"Hello my love." He said softly, resting one hand on the smooth black marble of the stone. He placed the rose carefully in the rose bowl that formed part of the headstone, then traced his fingertips over the engraved letters of her name. "I'm sorry it's been so long." A single tear rolled down his cheek, he made no effort to wipe it away. Nick pressed a kiss to his fingertips then laid it on the top of her headstone.

After a few minutes, he retreated a few yards and sat on a low branch of a yew tree, shaded from sight by the dense evergreen. He stared at Yvonne's grave as tears clouded it from his vision. Nick sobbed until he was empty of tears and his sobs had turned into hiccups. He sat a while longer, allowing the emotions to flow away on the chilled breeze.


	16. Chapter 16

There was a funeral arriving at the chapel as he walked back to his car. He feigned interest in the stone angels and hundred year old graves until the mourners had all gone inside, then he got into the car and drove out of the gates. The roads were busy, which made him concentrate fully on driving. Nick made his way across town and parked up in the viewing area over looking the bridge. He stood on the platform looking down at the gorge, wondering if his NHS pass was still lodged amongst the rocks and undergrowth somewhere on the steep side of the valley. A lot had happened since the day he had thrown it from the bridge.

Two old ladies in a car that had seen better days parked up and spent a few minutes looking at the tourist board, in between admiring Nick's car and casting glances at the tall man himself standing lost in his own thoughts. He glanced at his watch, a slow drive back to the hospital and it would be almost lunch time. He opened the boot of the Jaguar, ignoring the two old dears, he took off his jacket, jumper and t-shirt, replacing them with a crisp black shirt, which he left open at the neck and a deep blue suit jacket which Zoe had always admired. He had considered changing the jeans for the trousers of the suit, but he wasn't prepared to give his new admirers that much of a show and he rather liked the reflection he saw in the side of his car, the mix of smart and casual looked good on him. Besides which, he had liked the feel of Zoe's fingers undoing this particular belt and toying with the riveted button. He spiked the top of his hair with his fingers, splashed a tiny drop of aftershave on his hands then patted his face, gave a nod of acknowledgement to his audience and got back into the car. As he paused at the exit of the car park, he glanced in the rear view mirror.

They were watching him.

A grin spread across Nick's face. He still had it.

He gunned the engine and headed back to another he knew would appreciate him too.


	17. Chapter 17

There were two ambulances parked outside the ED, but inside was thankfully quiet. Nick strode across the floor as though he still owned the place.

"Well look at you." Zoe greeted him as she emerged from resus. She placed the files she was carrying on the desk and led him to her office. Nick closed the door behind them and flicked the lock. "Thank you." Zoe breathed, sliding one hand over his shoulder and across the back of his neck as he bent to kiss her. Nick deepened the kiss at once, forceful, possessive, yet at the same time gentle. His arms closed about her, secure, safe, thrilling in their controlled power. Zoe melted against him, matching his passion with a fire of her own.

"You smell delicious." Zoe breathed against his cheek, drawing in the distinct light fresh fragrance of the aftershave he used to wear.

"Shall we go for lunch?" Nick suggested. Before answering, Zoe instigated another kiss, slow and deep, holding him tightly.

"I suppose we should." She finally agreed.

They walked side by side across the ED and out of the main doors. As they headed for the car park, Nick offered his arm, Zoe was quite content to slip her hand into the crook of his elbow. Zoe expected him to lead her towards her own car, but Nick pulled his keys out of his pocket and activated the remote. His shiny black Jaguar answered his request with a little bleep and a single flash of the indicators. Zoe's hand tightened on his forearm.

"What?" he asked. "You didn't think I'd to ask you out, then expect you to drive, did you?"

"I just.." She began, her eyes sweeping over the elegant lines of Nick's car. He opened the passenger door for her, holding it until she had settled into the seat, before closing it securely and skipping round the bonnet to slide into the driver's seat.

As Nick handled the car deftly through the busy streets and out onto the ring road, Zoe relaxed into its luxury. He had always had good taste in cars, and although he had bought this particular Jaguar long after they had split up, it felt so similar to the silver one he had driven back then. She watched his hands on the wheel, the easy way in which he guided the sleek black cat around the roundabout, using all of the road, his whole body in symphony with the machine as he dropped it down a couple of gears, powered through the curve then dropped it effortlessly back into drive, letting the automatic box take over. There was really no need to use the manual gears and Zoe knew that Nick wasn't showing off, he was driving this way purely for the love of being in total control.

As he turned onto the country roads, he once again switched effortlessly to using manual gears. He knew the roads well, anticipating every turn, every camber, slowing imperceptibly as they reached the outskirts of the village, until he was well within the speed limit. He turned left and drove through the old archway at the centre of the ancient coaching inn. The car park was almost empty and he chose a parking space close to the back door of the pub, leaping out of the car to open the door for Zoe. Hand in hand they walked into the pub.


	18. Chapter 18

"There's a parcel for you Mr J." Noel announced as Nick and Zoe strolled back into the ED. "From America." Noel's curiosity was obvious.

"Excellent." Nick grinned with pride as he scanned his eyes over the complex labelling. "Charlie, can I borrow Zoe for a little longer?" He asked, ignoring Zoe's warning look which clearly said 'I'm the boss'

"Sure, it's quiet at the moment." Charlie gave the box a curious look.

"Come with me." Nick reached over and took a pair of scissors from Noel's desk, slit open the tape and opened the top flaps. He sterilised his hands with a squirt of gel then lifted out the bubble wrapped inner parcel, unwrapped it and took it into resus. Zoe wiped some gel over her hands and followed him.

Nick set the inner box down on the side and pulled on a pair of protective gloves. He carefully took out and unzipped the seal-again bag then gently extracted the tiny sealed package within. He laid the precious parcel on the open palm of his hand.

"This is what its all about Zo." He said with pride.

"It's tiny." She gazed at the minuscule artificial heart.

"This is the children's model." Nick told her, suddenly serious.

"Your patient is a child?" Zoe was shocked.

"They both are." Nick nodded, his eyes fixed on the precious few ounces of plastic and metal, hardly bigger than a walnut, which lay on his palm.

"Both?" Zoe's intense gaze cut into him, for a long moment he avoided her eyes, then slowly looked up at her.

"We went out there to do two operations, Hasti is upstairs, the other little girl, Azin," he paused, his voice dropping in volume and tone. "She was waiting for her operation." He looked back down at the heart. "We've had no word if she survived." His voice barely audible.

"It's perfect." Zoe turned her attention back to the tiny plastic heart, the implications of Nick's words striking deeply.

"Almost." The note of pride at once returned to his voice. "There are improvements to be made, but trials are going well." He slid the contraption back into the outer bag and resealed it. "Can I lock it your office for now?" He asked peeling off the gloves.

"Of course." Zoe handed her office keys to Nick, she got an update from Tess as he repacked the box and took it to her office.

"I'll pop upstairs and check on Hasti." He said when he returned.

"Could I come with you?" Zoe asked. "There's nothing urgent down here." She added to counter any protest.

"Sure." Nick said after taking a deep breath, slightly reluctant, but lacking a reason to refuse Zoe's request. "She's very ill." He added.

Nine year old Hasti was small for her age and looked tiny lying amidst a mass of tubes and bandages, it was obvious even at first glance that her heart was just one of a host of problems suffered by her war ravaged body.

Zoe waited patiently as Nick got an update from the registrar, then vanished into the sluice room to wash his hands, he returned without his jacket, his shirt sleeves rolled back. He donned a protective apron and mask before taking a closer look at his patient.

Zoe watched through the observation window. Nick worked confidently. As he completed his checks it was obvious to her that the child's injuries were very recent. The little girl was barely conscious, heavily drugged to keep her stable, oxygen tubes taped to her face, the machine blowing cool air gently into her nostrils. The male nurse who had accompanied Nick into the side ward made a few adjustments to the instruments. Nick gently lifted her hand and placed his fingertips on her pulse, the steady count of the machines told him her heart rate and blood pressure, but experience had taught him that a lot could be learned from the tactile flow of blood through a pulse point with these artificial hearts, just as with the human heart.

Hasti whispered something, something which brought a smile to the face of the nurse.

"What did she say?" Nick asked, guessing that he had understood her words.

"She said, you smell nice." The nurse translated.

"Thank you." Nick said in an approximation of Farsi, one of the few phrases he had picked up on his trip. The child gave a slight smile. "Could you ask her if she is in pain?" He asked his colleague.

On the other side of the glass Zoe watched the interaction, inwardly acknowledging just how much she had missed working with him. The bleep of her pager broke through her thoughts, a summons back to the ED. She tapped lightly on the glass & held her pager up. Nick nodded his understanding and paused in his work to watch as Zoe turned away from the window.

.

The ED was a picture of organised chaos when Nick wandered back down. He paused for a long moment on the stairs, in the centre of the department, watching his old colleagues working effortlessly as a team. Although he loved the challenge of his work in Michigan, he missed the charged atmosphere and tightly knit team of this place. His dark eyes sought out Zoe, she was an excellent clinical lead, he could see a little of his own leadership style in her, leading the team from the front but she had developed her own way of working. She looked up and caught sight of him watching her, a smile spreading across her face as their eyes met.

"Mr Jordan?" A firm familiar voice behind him drew his attention. Nick turned and climbed back up the stairs to where Meyer now stood on the balcony.

"We've had word." Meyer said calmly, his voice devoid of any emotion. Nick rested his hands on the rail of the balcony, echoing his mentor's stance, his gaze resting on Zoe as she looked at an x-ray or scan and discussed it with Sam. He knew that Meyer's next words, what ever they may be, would impact deeply on both himself and on Zoe.

"Rhodes and Levine are in Azin's home town." Meyer's voice was quiet and perfectly calm. "She's stable in the hospital there." Nick nodded, drawing a steadying breath through his nose, linking his hands together, fingers laced as he leaned forward and rested his forearms on the handrail. "Their situation is still grave." Meyer told him. "The facilities are basic and she still needs that heart."

"It has arrived." Nick told him, his voice also emotionless, though his heart was awash with a surging mixture of relief and dread.

"Does she know?" Meyer gave the slightest nod towards Zoe on the floor below.

"Some." Nick admitted. "I showed her the heart."

"You need to talk." Meyer instructed before turning on his heel and leaving Nick to contemplate the situation.


	19. Chapter 19

"Lunch was nice." Zoe said as she let herself into her office, the chance to just sit and talk with Nick had felt so right, granted she had done most of the talking, but that wasn't of importance.

Nick was sitting at her desk, looking at something on the computer, he closed the browser, not wanting Zoe to see what he had been looking at. "It's good to have you back." She breathed as she rounded the desk and ran a hand over his shoulder.

"Busy afternoon?" Nick changed the subject, unable to bring himself to have the much needed conversation in this environment.

"Fairly." Zoe picked up a pile of paperwork from her in-tray and flicked through them. Nick watched her, plucking up the courage to broach the difficult topic.

"Do you know what I'd like to do?" She asked suddenly.

"What?" He leaned back in her chair.

"Go home early, curl up on the sofa, watch a soppy film then have a bottle of wine and a take away."

"Sounds good to me." Nick grinned, the sparkle in her eyes suggesting that she had missed one or two items off the list of proposed activities. He knew the moment had passed, the conversation would have to wait.

A sharp knock at the door interrupted.

"You're needed in resus, Zoe." Tess looked apologetic.

Zoe dropped the paperwork back into her tray, rolled her eyes at Nick and followed Tess across the ED. Nick watched her through the open door, the familiar wiggle of her hips, accentuated by the highest of heels, her neat curving outline highlighted by the tightly fitting dress. The unique balance of chemicals only she could instigate in his body surged to the fore, for the first time in a long long time he felt fully alive, wanted, needed. But other's needed him too. He ran a hand across his chin, rubbing the slightest trace of five o'clock shadow that was beginning to show. He watched as Zoe vanished through the doors on the opposite side of the ED. He was going to have to talk to her and he was under no illusion that it would be easy.

"There's another delivery for you Mr J." Noel said as Nick wandered across the ED in search of Zoe some twenty minutes later. He could see Zoe engrossed in the patient's problems, and instinctively knew it was going to take a while.

"Thanks Noel." Nick took the package and headed back to Zoe's office with a smile on his face. He sat down in her chair and unpacked the new phone he had ordered. His old handset was lying somewhere under the rubble of what had been a hospital, three and a half thousand miles away. He tried not to think about it.

He assembled the new phone without reading the instructions, preferring the challenge of working it out for himself and spent the next five minutes exploring the menus and figuring out how it worked. The number was quite a nice sequence and he guessed there may not be time to wait to have his old one transferred. Nick picked up Zoe's desk diary, opened the front cover and smiled as he found his own name and number at the top of the list she kept there. He carefully copied his new number onto the page, adding a tiny little x as a full stop, finding comfort in the thought that if she should need to dial that number, there would be a kiss for her waiting on the page.

Zoe was still working, so Nick turned back to the computer, bringing up a map of the area he had been working in, he checked the distance to Azin's home town, even locating an old photograph of the hospital where she now lay. He printed off the photo and a map of the area, circling the town with Zoe's red marker pen. He gazed at the location of the other hospital, the one where his phone still lay, he considered circling that too, but refrained at the last minute, leaving only a little red dot on the page. He folded the sheets and tucked them into the pocket of his jeans.

.

"So much for an early night." Zoe moaned as she took the bottle of red wine from Nick.

"Always the way." Nick was philosophical. "Still, we have wine and a take away." He placed the carrier bag on the kitchen worktop then took off his jacket. "I do believe there are several soppy films in your DVD collection and that sofa looks perfect for curling up on." He started to unpack the bag "So five out of six isn't bad." He teased, raising an eyebrow at Zoe, waiting to see if she would pick up on his deliberately dodgy maths. She didn't, but he was fairly sure she wouldn't object to the unmentioned item on the agenda.

"Put those on here." Zoe handed him a tray. "We can sit on the floor and watch the film while we eat." She told him getting cutlery from the drawer and wine glasses from the cupboard. "Catch up on lost time." She poured the wine and took charge of the tray. "Do you want to choose a film?" She asked.

Nick let his eyes wander over the array of DVD's without really reading the titles. Some he had seen before, most of them with Zoe, he selected one of those at random, not really caring what the film was, of all the things she had suggested for the evening, watching the film was lowest on his priorities. He took the disc out of the box and inserted it into the machine. He sat down beside Zoe on the sheepskin rug, using the sofa as a back rest then pressed play on the remote.

"Happy?" He asked. Zoe leaned against him.

"Perfect food, perfect film and perfect company." she replied, waving her fork at the Chinese banquet Nick had selected. "What more could a girl want?"


	20. Chapter 20

"Leave it." Zoe said as Nick made a move to clear away the empty, takeaway containers. She placed them back on the tray and moved it to the floor. "Let's watch the film." She scooted up onto the sofa, moving the cushions, indicating that Nick should join her. He kicked off his shoes and spread himself out across two of the three seats, smiling as Zoe lay down half on top of him, her hand pressing on his chest as she settled. She flicked open a couple more buttons at the neck of his shirt and slipped her hand inside. "Comfy?" She asked, snuggling into him.

"Very." He breathed the word into her hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head, his hand idly rubbing her arm.

Neither of them were paying any attention to the film, as Nick had suspected, it had quickly become a forgotten backdrop as Zoe's teasing fingers began to widen their circle of exploration outwards from the centre of his chest. He made no objection as she released the button's of his shirt one by one, easing back the fabric as she edged, infuriatingly slowly down the soft fur of his chest, ruffling, then smoothing, following the natural flow as it narrowed to a strip at the base of his breast bone. She teased and tidied the line down the centre of of his softer stomach, stroking the sparser covering inwards to form a perfect dark line. She traced the outline of his belly button and continued to comb his hair with her finger tips as they encountered a change in the direction of growth. At his belt buckle she paused, fingers toying with the cool metal, threatening to release the clasp, then skimming teasingly over his denim clad hips from the peak of one hip bone across to the other and back.

Zoe shifted slightly, hooking one knee over his, edging back up his body, her warm hands skimming up his sides, her smile capturing his heart as she moved up to capture his lips with hers. Zoe adored kissing him, all the time since they had split, kissing Nick was what she missed the most. Now he was here, his secure arms enclosing her protectively, he made no objection to her need to cling to him. He let her lead, responding to every teasing motion of her lips against him, matching each unspoken request with a depth of understanding that only they had. Zoe was content to take things slowly, there was no where they needed to be and it felt right to give Nick her undivided attention. He was relaxed, content to follow her lead and give what ever she requested. Her hands slid up his shoulders, pressing lightly imparting love as they moved. One slipped the now crumpled fabric of his shirt back, allowing her access to his collar bone, her lips nibbled at the sharp ridge, kissing, sucking. One hand reached over her own shoulder, guiding his fingers to the zip in the centre of her back, no words were needed, he understood perfectly. Zoe slipped his shirt from his shoulders and moments later they lay skin to skin, hands gently exploring as they shared the most intimate of kisses.

The film had finished, the unseen titles scrolling away on the screen as Zoe lifted her head to look at Nick. They had gradually slid down the arm of the sofa and he now lay almost flat with Zoe resting across his chest. She edged back from him, trailing her fingertips over his pecs and down his stomach until she reached his belt. This time she did open the buckle and quickly eased the tight denim from his body. She paused to scoop the tv remote from the floor and switched off the set. She wanted no distractions as she turned her attention back to her lover.


	21. Chapter 21

"Zo?" Nick spoke her name quietly, as he rearranged the soft throw that now covered them both. She lay contentedly on top of him, her head cradled in the curve of his shoulder, his heartbeat now calm, steady in her ear, her arms comfortingly tight about his ribs, their legs entwined, her foot gently rubbing his shin from time to time. He kissed the top of her head and blew into her hair. He hated to break the mood, but he couldn't risk leaving it until tomorrow. Tomorrow might be too late. He steeled himself for the argument which would no doubt erupt. They had had some memorable shouting matches in the past, he had the feeling this would match them all and then some.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"About the heart?" Zoe asked, she had felt him tense as he made the admission.

"Yeah." He placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I saw Meyer talking to you." She met his eyes and held his gaze. "The other little girl, she's still alive isn't she?"

"She's back in her home town, in the hospital there." Nick nodded, his expression grim. Zoe placed her index finger finger on his lips to silence his words.

"You're going to do the operation?" She asked. Again he nodded, capturing her hand in his and kissing her fingertips.

"I have to Zo." His tone was raw, emotions laid bare. "It was Azin's father who got us out of there, without him," he closed his eyes, "without him, we wouldn't have made it home."

"Nick." Zoe breathed him name, kissing the backs of his fingers. He opened his eyes slowly.

"It will only be a week or so." He breathed.

"I'll come with you." She said firmly. "I'm due some leave."

"No." His refusal was firmer. "Any where else in the world Zo, but not there. No way."

"But..." She began.

"No." His voice was a whisper, his eyes pleading with her soul, his resolve to win this argument unshakeable. "Please Zo, trust me, when I get back I'll take you anywhere else in the entire world, you name the place I'll take you there."

"I could help..." Zoe began.

"And you could end up ..." He silenced her. "Or worse." His expression reinforced his unspoken words. "Zo, you are the best doctor I know, I'd love you to be there, working by my side, but that is no place for a woman and I don't say that lightly." He cupped her face in his hands, thumbs stroking gently over her cheeks. "I don't want you there, because I love you."

"Nick." She breathed his name from the heart, sliding her hands around his neck, cupping the base of his skull, fingers raking through his short clipped hair.

"Anywhere?" Zoe asked after a moment of silence, forcing a lightness into her tone that she certainly didn't feel, he didn't need to spell out the added dangers faced by women in that particular territory, or in fact the dangers that he would be exposed to. "We never did get to Rome, so I guess you owe me that one, at least."

"Thank you." He breathed, pressing a kiss to her forehead, knowing that she had not given in easily.

"On one condition." She added. "You come back safely, I'd never forgive you if anything happened."

"I promise." He whispered.

"Let's go to bed." She suggested.

.

"When are you going?" Zoe asked quietly, snuggling into Nick's side, draping one arm across him, resting her face against his chest. He tugged at the duvet, making sure she was safe within it's soft protection.

"Soon." His voice was almost inaudible in the almost darkness of Zoe's bedroom. "Maybe even tomorrow."

"Mmm." Zoe snuggled in closer. "In that case, could I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Would it be too much to make love five times in one day?" She whispered.

"Are you doubting my stamina?" Nick raised one eyebrow at her. "I think that would be a perfect way to end the day." He added before waiting for her answer. He trailed a line of kisses across her temple, down her cheek, around the line of her jaw and captured the lobe of her ear, nibbling gently, sensuously, sending delicious shivers of anticipation through her.

In the early hours of the morning he had been cautious, gentle in reacquainting their familiarity, almost afraid to let go, when they had woken he had again been questioning, seeking reassurance, unafraid to give, but content to let Zoe lead. Their stolen minutes in the shower had been swift, powerful and all consuming. Tonight as they watched the film he had once again allowed Zoe to guide and to take what she wanted from him.

As he leaned over her and gathered her in his arms, Zoe knew instantly that this was very different. Nick had thrown caution to the wind, cast aside any lingering doubts, his powerful embrace and the heat of his breath against her skin, took her back instantly to the time when he had been completely hers. She spread her hands across his back, one skimming firmly over his muscles, gliding upwards to his neck, ruffling his short clipped hair, guiding his head so that his lips met hers. He allowed her to control the kiss, indulging her desperation, accepting the unspoken communication of need and love. Nick met her passion, matched it and more.

"I do love you Zoe Hanna." He whispered as they gazed into each other's eyes. "I always have, no matter what."

"I love you Nick Jordan." She breathed, just before he kissed her again, this time he was in total control.

"Let me love you." He breathed against her cheek. Zoe nodded her consent, smiling up at him, as he laid her softly on the pillows, his expression soft and filled with love in the dim moonlight that spilled across them. Zoe relaxed fully, letting Nick take control, her hands gently caressing his smooth skin, teasing lightly in the way she knew he loved, as he took all the time in the world to reassure her, that he had not lost any of the full range of skills of his long fingers and sensual tongue, nor any of his physical prowess as he took her beyond the farthest reaches and showed her the stars.


	22. Chapter 22

"Look out!" Nick's yell woke Zoe with a start, it was still dark and he was thrashing about in the grips of another nightmare. She slipped out of bed and put on her dressing gown, fighting her instinct to wake and comfort him, instead trying to follow the advice of gently waking him only to a level to lift him out of rem sleep. She switched on the light in the hall then returned to the bedroom, calling his name softly, waiting for a moment of stillness which would allow her to gently stroke his arm without being in danger of being hit.

"Nick Jordan." she said firmly for about the tenth time, beginning to doubt the wisdom of this method. His eyes were still flicking rapidly, his breathing ragged and uneven. Zoe avoided a flailing arm and tried again, this time louder.

"Wha?" Nick mumbled, grabbing at the bed covers, pulling them tightly to his chest, his eyes flicked open then closed gently and remained still. Zoe breathed a sigh of relief and perched on the edge of the bed, watching him until she was sure the terror had faded and restful sleep had engulfed him once more. Ten minutes later she switched off the light and slipped back into bed, snuggling into the warmth of Nick's sleeping form.

Zoe lay awake listening to Nick's soft breathing, holding him protectively in her embrace, her mind spinning. How on earth could she let him go back there?

.

The unfamiliar message notification of Nick's new phone woke them both with a start. It was still quite dark, the light of the phone flooded the room as Nick looked at the message. He read it twice then flopped back onto the pillows, handing the phone to Zoe. She snuggled into his side, waiting until his arm had settled protectively around her before she focused on the message. She already had a good idea who it was from and what it would say, but the words in harsh black and white cut deeply.

"Managed to get tickets for 4pm flight, everything in order."

The phone screen went into battery saving mode, plunging the room into darkness. Zoe handed it back to Nick without a word, easing her embrace as he replaced it on the bedside table, then tightening her arms about him as he lay back down. She rested her head on his chest, the steady beat of his heart a little more rapid than normal, her hand brushed gently back and forth across his skin.

"It will be all right." Nick said softly, as much to convince himself as Zoe.

"I know." She breathed. Things were out of their control, a situation neither was used to. "I'll take the day off." She told him. "We can spend it together and I can drive you and Meyer to the airport."

"Ok." Nick's voice was low. "I'll need to get some things."


	23. Chapter 23

The outdoor pursuits store was not Zoe's usual territory, she was glad that Nick seemed to know exactly what he needed and had little hesitation in selecting a range of clothing to try on. She sat by the changing rooms, staring at a display of rock climbing equipment, waiting for him.

"What do you think?" He asked, emerging from the changing room dressed in sand coloured combats and a fine weave sun proof shirt. Zoe had to admit that he looked good, too good to be flying thousands of miles away.

"They fit fine." She limited her reply to a practical assessment.

"Great." Nick grinned and vanished into the changing room again.

When he emerged, dressed in his own clothes, he added a second pair of trousers and two more shirts in the same size to the basket.

"I'll need a jacket." He told Zoe, leading her to a rack of coats and scanning the bewildering array of mountaineering wear. "You wouldn't believe how cold it gets at night." He tried on a couple of coats, rejecting the first as the collar was too high about his ears, the second had an impractical hood. The third was more him, jet black with a navy blue fleece that zipped inside. He zipped it up and pulled up the hood, only his eyes showing. "Perfect." He declared as he took it off. "I'll need some sun glasses too."

Zoe was surprised by his choice of shades, wrap around with deep coloured lens, which were interchangeable with a clear set. "There is a lot of dust out there." He explained as he tried them on. "Especially on the roads." Zoe nodded, trying not to imagine him in a clapped out jeep on some deserted dusty track in the middle of nowhere.

Next on the list was a rucksack, Nick examined a few before the assistant wandered over to offer advice. Zoe stood quietly holding the shopping basket as the young lad, barely more than a teenager discussed the various options with Nick, then took one from the display, adjusted the array of buckles and held it out for Nick to try. Seeing him settle the backpack onto his hips and readjust the straps until it was comfortable, set up a strange feeling in the pit of Zoe's stomach. It was just so unlike him, for all he kept himself fit, he wasn't the type to be out hiking in the hills or on the moors. As he confirmed to the assistant that it was comfortable, it seemed to strike home that they only had a few hours before he would be boarding that plane.

"I'll need a four seasons sleeping bag too." Nick told the assistant. "The lighter the better." Zoe had no idea what a four seasons sleeping bag was, but she followed Nick to the display, and waited patiently until he had made his selection. By the time they made their way to the tills, Nick had added a selection of camping equipment, a water bottle and water purification tablets, a multifunction tool, hiking socks, gloves, a solar shower and a stout pair of boots to the basket. He paid for everything on his credit card, a not insubstantial total and carried the bags out to his car.

"Shall we get some lunch?" he asked as the stowed his purchases in the boot.

"Sure." Zoe took his offered hand and let him lead her back into the shopping centre.


	24. Chapter 24

They settled at a table in corner of the little restaurant, a place they had eaten a few times back when the were together. Nick seemed nervous, unsettled.

"Are you ok?" Zoe whispered, reaching across the table to rest her hand over his.

"Yeah, I guess." He replied reluctantly. "You know." He shrugged.

"I know." Zoe whispered.

"Why don't you choose lunch." Nick suggested. "Won't be long."

"Ok." Zoe watched as he got to his feet and headed for the door, she watched until he had vanished from sight, heading across the Mall, in the direction of the public toilets. She laid the menu on the table, her emotions in turmoil. It was bad enough that he was leaving when he had just come back into her life, but the destination made her blood run cold. He had told her very little of what had happened at the hospital, but his late night admission that there had been a bombing, confirmed her suspicions about his injury. The sliver of metal lay in a plastic bag in her office. She had taken time to look at it whilst he had been else where, it looked for all the world like a piece from a side panel of some medical equipment, part of the manufacturer's name still visible. It must have taken a huge explosive force to separate the chunk from its origins and embed it so deeply in Nick's flesh. It was a miracle that he hadn't been more badly hurt, she had noticed that his hearing seemed a little dull on that side. Zoe rested her chin on her hands and pondered whether or not to ask him about it.

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter asked.

Zoe ordered steak with chips and salad for them both, then returned to pondering.

Nick returned a few minutes later. He smiled at her and retook his seat.

"Steak, ok?" Zoe asked.

"Great." Nick trusted her to make a good choice.

"I ordered chips and salad." She added. "Nick?" She took a deep breath. "Do you want... would you... could you tell me what happened?" She asked the question in a rush, stumbling over her words.

"What happened?" His brows drew together in a frown of puzzlement, Zoe reached for his hand, holding tightly.

"When Azin's father got you out." Zoe avoided his eyes. "Only if you want to tell me." She added, hating to ask, but needing to know.

"You need to know." Nick said calmly. "I should have told you." He added, reaching across the table to touch her chin, lifting her eyes to meet his. He held them with a steady gaze. "You've been fantastic." He told her. "Taken care of me, patched me up, put up with the nightmares and... " He paused. "And I should have told you how it happened."

"You said you fitted a Berlin heart?" Zoe prompted as he fell silent, afraid that he was about to back out of telling her.

"She was very ill." Nick's tone was serious. "Her own heart was failing, Meyer had volunteered our artificial hearts as a kind of trial, it was all arranged through a charity, the plan was; we would take the hearts out there, do the operations, come back and their doctors would handle the after care." He paused and took a long swig of the diet coke Zoe had ordered for him. "When we got there, the hospital was very basic, Hasti was already there, so weak we didn't dare attempt the full operation, we doubted our heart would cope when she was so weak. We managed to get a Berlin heart flown in, we put her on the external pump, gave her chance to recover a little." He took another drink. "It took time to get Azin transferred from her home town to where we were for the operation, so we scheduled things so Hasti would go to theatre one day and Azin follow the next." He paused and took a couple of deep breaths, he locked his gaze with Zoe's. "The first op went quite smoothly, all things considered. We had heard the insurgents were fighting and were closing in, but it had to be done. Ten hours in theatre, we were closing when they attacked." Again he paused. "Gun fire at first, outside the hospital, then explosions, bombs, some distance away. Then one fell on the hospital." His eyes burned into Zoe's, his face ashen as he continued. "There was no noise, just a big rush of air and dust and rubble. Everything seemed to be flying through the air. I was back from the table, protected from it, something caught me in the back, that piece of metal you extracted." He paused, his fingers rubbing over the back of her hand. "How Meyer wasn't hurt I'll never know. The theatre just vanished around us, I don't know what happened to the local doctors. Next thing I remember, Meyer was carrying Hasti, she was all smashed up, bleeding, we were in a corridor, Azin's father grabbed a trolley, we snatched up supplies as we ran." Nick bit his bottom lip. "It was awful Zoe." He blinked hard and slowly. "We got her out to a house, patched her up as best we could, we were there quite a while, fighting to keep her alive, with only the most basic equipment. Azin's father, he got word out and eventually a military helicopter arrived. They swept Hasti, Meyer and I off to some base in the middle of no where, we were transferred to a British transport plane and they got us out of there." Nick finished the glass of coke. "I don't want to go back Zo." He said helplessly, his words breaking her heart. "But how can I not go?"

(For Katieee, who wanted to know, :) hope it answers a few questions)


	25. Chapter 25

"It will be fine." Zoe found herself reassuring Nick, going against every instinct which screamed at her to convince him not to go. "You said so yourself, it's only a few days."

"I know." His tone was flat.

"It wont be as bad as the last operation." Zoe heard herself say. "Azin is in far better health, and after the op, she'll be just fine and you'll be on your way home."

The waiter brought their food to the table, prompting a lull in the conversation.

"When I get back, I'll take you to Rome, just you and me, relaxing in the sunshine." Nick promised.

"That sounds perfect." Zoe smiled at him.

They ate lunch, chatting about inconsequential things, friends in the ED, old times and shared times.

"I have something for you." Nick said softly after the waiter had cleared the table. He pulled a gift wrapped box from the pocket of his jacket and handed it to Zoe. "Sorry for running out on you, I saw it as we walked past the jewellers and I just and to go back and get it for you."

"Thank you." Zoe whispered as she opened the packaging to reveal a deep blue leather box with gold trim. Inside lay a delicate filigree silver heart shaped locket on a silver chain. "It's beautiful." She breathed, her voice catching as she noticed a message just visible inside the locket. She eased it open gently.

'Zoe, you will always have my heart, Nick' the tiny words were written in his own hand.

"Oh Nick." Zoe caught his hand and kissed the backs of his fingers.

"Let me." He said as she lifted it from the box and opened the catch. Nick got to his feet and put it on her, lifting her hair to fasten the catch, settling it against her flesh then placing a sensual kiss on the back of her neck. "Perfect." He breathed as he looked at the heart nestling just below the hollow at the base of her throat.

As they strolled back to the car, Zoe glanced up at the clock tower which formed the entrance to the mall. It was almost half past twelve, if they were going to get to the airport on time they were going to have to get a move on. Part of her wanted to avoid the inevitable, to delay Nick so that the aircraft would take to the skies without him, but she knew there was no way that would happen. Nick opened the car door for her, stealing a kiss as she moved to get inside. Nick drove across town in silence, his left hand resting intermittently on Zoe's knee where the road permitted single handed driving.

Zoe's eyes rested on Nick's face, absorbing his expression of concentration, the determined set of his jaw. Fixing his image into her mind, though her thoughts were spinning. It was barely 48 hours since he had let himself into her office and swept her off her feet as though the last two years had never happened. She was still reeling from the realisation that he had had a very narrow escape from the insurgents of Afghanistan, but would be forever grateful that he and Meyer had chosen Holby City as the place of choice to perform life saving surgery on the little girl. She knew he had no choice in the decision to return to perform the heart operation on the second patient, but in letting him go, Zoe felt as though her heart might break.

"Penny for them." Nick said softly as he caught her watching him.

"Oh they're worth a lot more than that." Zoe quipped. "an awful lot more."

"Really?" Nick smiled as he glanced at her. "Do tell."

"I was thinking about this chap I know." Zoe laid her hand gently over his as he rested it on her knee.

"Oh yes?" Nick played along with the game. "What's he like?"

"Charming, arrogant, sexy, irritating, talented and annoying." Zoe explained. "We used to have a thing going on, quite a serious thing actually."

"A serious thing?" Nick echoed.

"Yeah, then it all went wrong, I did a stupid thing."

"Only one?" Nick teased.

"Alright, I did a few stupid things." Zoe kept her tone light. "And I lost him." She paused a moment, tracing the veins on the back of his hand with a light fingertip. "Then he came back into my life, like a whirlwind."

"Swept you off your feet, did he?" Nick laughed softly.

"Literally." Zoe admitted. "But he was hurt, I had to patch him up, take care of him."

"You did a good job." Nick added.

"I did my best." Zoe assured him. "But other's need him, more than I do, and now he's going away." she paused, the words catching in her throat. "And I'm scared, Nick." She looked up at him, her lips narrowing to a grim smile as he glanced at her. "I'm scared that he's going back to a dangerous place and he might not come back to me."

Nick turned the car into Zoe's street and parked up beside her Mini. He switched off the engine and flicked the release button of his seatbelt and then hers, forcefully flinging the belt back so that it retracted. He leaned over towards Zoe and offered his arms, embracing her awkwardly in the confined space of the sports car.

"He will come back for you Zoe." He breathed, wiping away a tear from her cheek before kissing her deeply.

(For Emz, hope the quick little recap makes sense for you - thanks for the super reviews everyone, sorry for the lateness, my internet connection was playing up)


	26. Chapter 26

It seemed strange to be in Nick's apartment, Zoe stood by the window looking down at the boats as Nick collected a few belongings and packed them into his new rucksack. The place was full of memories, good memories and bad, she understood why Nick had been so reluctant to return here.

"Right." Nick said as he reappeared in the doorway and swung the backpack onto his shoulder. "I think that's everything." He held out his hand to Zoe. "Shall we go?"

"Ok." Zoe's voice was barely a whisper. She crossed the room and placed her hand in his. Rather than leading her to the door, Nick dropped the rucksack to the floor and pulled her into a tight embrace, his hands rubbing up and down her back. He dipped his head, his lips nibbling across her cheek until they met hers, the kiss was forceful and passion filled, setting a cloud of butterflies tumbling in Zoe's stomach. She clung to him tightly, melting against the hard contours of his body, giving as much as he was offering. Nick ended the kiss gently, holding her close for a long moment before brushing her lips with his and releasing his embrace.

"Let's leave with a good memory of being in this room." He whispered, before picking up his bag and leading her to the door. He locked the outer door and handed the keys to Zoe.

"I'll look after them." She told him, promising herself that the next time she walked through that door, Nick would be at her side.

As Zoe drove out of the garage, Nick cast one glance back at his car, promising himself that he would be back to collect it before the battery went flat.

.

Meyer's face was grim as he met them at the hospital. This was no easier for him than it was for Nick.

"All set?" He asked as Nick took his bag and set it on top of his own on the back seat of Zoe's car.

"I believe so." Nick told him as he squeezed himself into the back seat, allowing Meyer to sit in front next to Zoe.

"Let's go then." Zoe suggested, it all seemed so much more real now that Meyer was in the car. As she started the engine, she felt Nick's fingers against her shoulder, a tiny comforting gesture that meant the world to her.

They were cutting it fine on time, but arrived at the airport before the gates closed. Zoe stood with Nick in the check in queue, letting Mayer go first. Zoe edged closer to Nick, his fingers found hers and enclosed her hand. All too quickly the queue moved forward and it was Nick's turn to present his tickets and passport, then place his rucksack on the scales.

"Gates are already open." They were told. "They'll be closing in five minutes."

"Thanks." Nick turned away, taking possession of Zoe's hand once more as his eyes sort out his travelling companion across the terminal. "I guess there's no turning back now." He said as he led Zoe across the expanse of shiny floor to join the next queue.

"Lets hope the heart doesn't set off the security gate." Nick whispered to Zoe, laying his hand over the precious technological marvel which was stowed close to his own heart in the inside breast pocket of his coat. He looped an arm across her shoulders as they waited, Zoe slipped her arm beneath his jacket and around his waist, absorbing his body heat.

"Don't forget to finish those antibiotics." She reminded him gently. The wound was healing nicely when she had checked it this morning.

"Yes Doctor." He teased.

"Don't worry." Mayer said softly, a smile flickering on his lips. "I'll keep an eye on him for you."

"Thanks." Zoe offered her hand, she knew she could trust him.

"We will be back before you know it." Mayer shook her hand, gave Nick a knowing look then turned back to the security gate, the man in front was being checked, any moment now, they would have to step through into the secure area.

"Be careful." Zoe whispered to Nick, turning to face him, sliding her other hand beneath his jacket to hug him tightly. His arms enclosed her.

"I will." He whispered then kissed her, a deep lingering kiss that communicated everything.

There was only one other person in the queue behind Nick and he felt them slip past to the security check. Grateful for the extra few moments, he clung to Zoe and continued the kiss until the security guard interrupted. Reluctantly he completed the kiss and released his embrace. Zoe ran her hands over his ribs as she pulled back from him, maintaining contact until the last possible second.

She waited as Nick stepped through the gate, the alarm remaining silent, and watched as the guards completed their checks and allowed Nick to reclaim his hand luggage. It was just a few strides to the doors, Meyer was waiting just inside the lounge. At the door Nick paused and looked back, he blew a kiss to Zoe, smiling as she reciprocated.

"I love you." He called, then quickly turned and vanished through the doors.

"I love you." Zoe shouted after him, hoping that he had heard. The security guards smiled at her as they closed the departure gate.


	27. Chapter 27

Zoe wandered back across the check in area and back to the car park. She sat in the car, watching the clock until the time of Nick's flight. She heard the jet engines start up and caught a brief glimpse of the bright white aircraft as it taxied past the fenced gap between the terminal and the hangers. She wondered if he had a window seat, if his could see her car still parked in the car park. Zoe remained where she was, listening to the sound of the jet as it turned onto the runway, it seemed forever before the engine note changed and the aircraft accelerated. Suddenly it came back into view, climbing elegantly, effortlessly into the sky. Zoe watched until it was just a tiny dot against the grey sky, she blinked as tears began to form and when she looked back, the plane was invisible to the naked eye.

Zoe let her head fall back against the headrest and allowed the pent up tears to fall.

.

Zoe had never fully understood Nick's tendency to throw himself into his work when times were difficult, but as she headed out of the airport alone, the prospect of going back to her empty apartment filled her with dread. As she paused at the traffic lights she wiped her eyes with her hand then changed the indicators from right to left, as the lights changed she turned towards the hospital.

.

The ED was a scene of total chaos as Zoe walked through the doors.

"Where have you been?" Tess asked. "We've been phoning you. There's been a major incident at the inter school netball finals, we've twenty children in varying states of distress."

"Right, let's get on with it then." Zoe dumped her coat and bag in her office and headed for resus.

Was it wrong to be thankful for a busy shift in the ED? Zoe wondered as she finally retreated to her office. She plucked the calender from the wall and added a little star to the square in five day's time, the day Nick was due back. Taking the red marker pen, she crossed out today's square; one less day to wait until he would be back.

She switched on her phone, surprised that there was a message notification waiting, a picture message, from Nick.

"Wonders will never cease." She said aloud to herself, she had no idea that he even knew how to send a picture message.

"We're going for a drink." Charlie said as he appeared at the door. "Will you be joining us?"

"Why not?" Zoe picked up her bag and coat. "I could certainly do with one."

Zoe opened the message as she walked across the ED. It was a photograph, taken from the aircraft window, looking out over the coast of Northern Italy, the reflection of Nick's smiling face, just visible in the glass, with a message written over the photo: 'Rome is that way, can't wait to take you there! Xxx'.

"Is Nick not here today?" Charlie asked, he had grown used to having him in pop in and out of the ED.

"Er, no." The question caught Zoe off guard. "Didn't he tell you?"

"Tell me what?" Charlie frowned at her.

"Oh that is so typical Nick Jordan." Zoe laughed, the tension of the day giving the situation an edge of hilarity it hardly deserved.

"What?" Charlie prompted.

"No, he's not here." Zoe told him as they walked out of the doors together and set off across the forecourt towards the Hope and Anchor. "He's gone with Anton Meyer, to do an operation to fit one of their new artificial hearts."

"Oh, I didn't think they were licensed for use over here yet." Charlie looked puzzled.

"They're not." Zoe heard herself say with a calmness that surprised herself. "He's flown back out to Afghanistan."

.

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks.


	28. Chapter 28

Five days Nick had promised. Zoe sighed as she crossed off the box on her calender which contained a little star, the day he was due back was over and there had been no word, no news, except the niggling news reports of an increase in fighting between insurgents and the Afghan army.

Zoe sank back into her office chair and took out her phone, again no new messages. She reopened the photo message Nick had sent, gazing at the reflection of his smile in the aircraft window for the hundredth time, wishing she knew where he was and that he was all right.

"Drink?" Charlie asked as he appeared at the door. It had become a nightly routine.

"Actually, I think I'll give it a miss tonight." Zoe replied.

"Still no word?" Charlie enquired.

"No, not yet."

"I'm sure he'll be fine." Charlie assured her. "You know what he's like. He's liable to turn up at your house in the middle of the night."

"I hope so Charlie, I really hope so." Zoe wished with all her heart.

.

The apartment seemed cold and unwelcoming as Zoe let herself in. She switched the heating on and wandered through to the bedroom to get changed. The keys for Nick's apartment and the ignition keys for his car lay on the bedside table. She picked them up and held them in her hand, stroking the smooth surface of the smart keyring which bore his initials, NJ.

"Where are you Nick?" she asked out loud.

Zoe microwaved a ready meal and took it into the living room to eat, she sat down on the rug, just as she had done with Nick, the night they had shared the Chinese banquet. The TV remote was on the floor, as she reached for it, it skidded away from her and vanished beneath the sofa. As she retrieved it her fingers brushed something else, a piece of squashed folded paper. Zoe unfolded it carefully, it was actually two sheets of paper, printouts from the internet, a photograph of a run down hospital and a map of Afghanistan with a small town to the north of Kabul circled in red marker pen, she turned it over and looked at the back, there was a second red mark on the page, a single dot identifying a town in Helmand province.

"Oh Nick." she breathed, realising that the precious information must have fallen out of the pocket of his jeans and been under the sofa all week.

Zoe's meal lay forgotten as she fired up her laptop and set to work locating as much information as she could on the two towns.


	29. Chapter 29

Reports on the bombing of the hospital were not difficult to locate online, Zoe wondered why she hadn't thought of looking it up before, but after reading just a few reports she was glad that she hadn't. The graphic stories and uncensored images only served to strike more fear into her heart.

The little town in the foothills of the mountains to the north of Kabul was more anonymous, there were a couple of old articles about emergency supplies, one of which included the photograph Nick had printed out, but nothing current came up in the search. Surely that was a good sign, Zoe tried to convince herself, if it was a backwater, it was less likely to be the target of which ever madmen might be intent on destroying the infrastructure and spoiling the work of the many volunteer doctors who were trying to help the population.

Zoe tried a more general search, wishing she had demanded more details from Nick, simple things like the family name of his patient, which charity was footing the bill for her operation, the names of his missing colleagues.

Zoe sat back and stared at the now cold ready meal. She took it back to the kitchen and popped it back in the microwave. It was dry and unappetizing even before she reheated it. As she waited for the ding, she had a brainwave; maybe his colleagues in Michigan could answer her questions.

As she sat down in front of the laptop with her meal in her hand, Zoe's eyes rested on a familiar name, Dr Makul Bala, she clicked on the link and smiled broadly as a photograph of her cousin appeared on the screen, listing him as currently working for a medical charity in northern Afghanistan. It had been a long time since she had seen him and she didn't have any contact details for him, but she did have an email address for his brother Sajan, at the hospital in northern India.

Zoe took a deep breath and blew it out again. Maybe there was more than one way to find Nick. She set the computer down and began to eat the dried up remains of her meal, mentally composing emails to her cousin and Nick's American colleagues.

.

Zoe was about to close the laptop down and get ready for bed when an email reply arrived from Michigan, in it were listed the answers to all her questions, from the names of Nick's missing colleagues to the charity that was funding their work, and a closing note that they had not heard from Nick or Meyer either.

Zoe rattled off a quick thank you email. Her mind more at rest, she knew she would sleep a little bit easier.


	30. Chapter 30

Three weeks later Zoe was still waiting for news of Nick. She had pestered his colleagues by the Great Lakes until she could hear the exasperation in their written words and had extracted every last possible detail of the humanitarian aid network from her cousin in India and tried every official channel. But still there was no news of Nick. To make matters worse, the fighting in the north of Afghanistan had escalated to the point where western governments were advising against travel.

Zoe sat in her office watching the lunchtime news, wobbly footage taken on mobile phones of local troops fighting in the streets of some unnamed Afghan town, accompanied by terrifying reports of western journalists and aid workers being held captive. The unshakeable feeling of helplessness that had haunted her since the day Nick had told her he was going out there, swept over her in waves, this time accompanied by the almost unquenchable urge to spill tears. She quickly wiped her eyes, it was one thing to sob alone in the darkness of her apartment, quite another to burst into tears in her office in the middle of the day.

It took a lot of determination for Zoe to compose herself. The news broadcast had moved on to other stories and she closed the browser and forced herself to look at the list of emails. Mostly hospital admin, mostly awaiting replies, but amongst them a welcome sight, a message from her cousin in India.

Zoe read his words then read them again. As they sank into her mind she sat back, her gaze focusing upon her own reflection in the computer screen; her dark eyes were filled with fear, but her mind was made up. She clicked reply and began to type.


	31. Chapter 31

The heat hit her as though she had walked into a brick wall. After the endless chilled wind that swept across Holby, the airless oppressive climate of Delhi was a violent shock. Zoe flicked the trail of her long fine scarf over her shoulder, and nervously checked that her hair was covered by the bright fabric, before slowly and carefully descending the portable staircase that led her from the door of the aircraft to the ground of her ancestor's country.

The airport was not dissimilar to Holby, an endless expanse of polished floor, crowded with passengers all eager to reclaim their luggage. Zoe let herself be swept along with the crowd, until they reached the baggage reclaim carousel. As expected there was no sign of any luggage yet, Zoe stood back, finding herself a little space, listening to the chatter of her fellow travellers, trying to pick out familiar words of a language she had once known well, but now hardly every spoke.

Almost half an hour later Zoe dragged her wheeled case through the doors of the departure lounge and scanned the waiting crowd. Some where already hugging loved ones, other waited anxiously for a familiar face to appear. Zoe scanned the faces of those who were holding cards, but no one caught her attention. Finally she lowered her gaze and scanned the cards.

"Dr Hanna" The card bearing her name was held by a thin youth with a shock of untidy hair, Zoe felt a pang of disappointment that Sajan had not send a family member to meet her.

"I'm Dr Hanna." She said firmly, forcing a smile.

"Hello." The boy returned the smile, his features becoming more familiar as he did so. "I'm Cyril, Sajan's nephew." He shook her hand and took charge of her case. "I have the car outside."

The city was manic, Zoe thanked her lucky stars that she was not behind the wheel, Cyril was a confident driver, you had to be to survive in the midst of this maelstrom of traffic. He chatted endlessly as he drove, explaining how he was working for the same charity as his uncle Makul, but only in the depot in India at the moment, soon he would be going to University to study medicine, and afterwards he would be able to go across the border to continue their work. He seemed very taken with the fact that Zoe had offered to help. She couldn't bare to tell him that her motives were almost entirely selfish.

The city gave way to countryside, the roads became quieter and Cyril finally ran out of conversation and questions about British Hospitals, allowing Zoe to relax a little and take in the scenery. Now that she was here and had heard more about the work Makul was doing, it all seemed too real. Cyril's endless questions took her thoughts back to her colleagues in Holby, the time zones made it seem a long way away and the heat made her long for a cool glass of wine in the comfortable surroundings of the Hope and Anchor. Cyril had obviously not been told about Nick and his colleagues so Zoe kept them out of her conversation, but now as they drove in silence she let her eyes wander to the hills on the horizon, somewhere over there, just a few hundred miles distant was Nick Jordan, all she had to do now was find him.


	32. Chapter 32

"Sleep well?" Makul asked as Zoe appeared for breakfast.

"Very." She smiled at her younger cousin. It had been many years since she had visited her family, but she felt at home now that she was here.

"Tuck in and then we'll be on our way, we've a long drive ahead." Makul indicated the spread "Remember everything I told you?" He asked casually.

"Keep my head down, don't make eye contact, don't speak unless they ask me a direct question, then answer politely with minimum information, don't tell anyone I'm a doctor, or British, or.."

"You've got it." Makul interrupted with a soft laugh. "You are sure you want to go through with this?"

"I've come this far." Zoe replied, there was no way she was going to back out now.

The scruffy old Landrover had once been sand coloured and bore a faded red crescent in a white square painted on the sides, the bonnet and the roof. The medical supplies Zoe had brought had been repacked into boxes and were stacked in the back along with numerous other boxes of equipment and five tents in heavy canvas bags. Makul took the driver's seat, Zoe sitting behind him as was the custom on the road they were heading for. She pulled her head scarf tighter and pushed her new wrap around sunglasses up her nose, her thoughts firmly fixed on her objective to dispel the fear of the journey that lay between her and the man she loved.

Cyril waved them off, running down the road after them for a short distance, looking very childish as Zoe watched him in the rear view mirror.

"He's a good kid." Makul told her. "Works hard and knows his stuff, he'll do well at medical school."

"He was telling me all about it on the way here." Zoe replied as Makul stuck his hand out of the window and waved to his nephew.

"And no doubt quizzing you about your work in Britain?" Makul laughed. "I guess your ED will be as challenging as the Edinburgh Infirmary?" he asked.

"Equally." Zoe replied.

"I did a rotation there at Med school." Makul explained. "Fantastic city, but boy can they sup their drink." He added in a mock Scottish accent. As they travelled north west, they exchanged tales of Emergency Medicine, the miles to the border diminishing with every story.

The crossing into Pakistan was unnerving, the dividing line marked by a mesh fence topped with barbed wire, crossing places were few and far between, most of the roads having been pulled up well short of the border. Zoe followed Makul's advise and remained silent, as he parked up beneath the elegant gateway, Zoe avoided eye contact as the guards checked Makul's wife's Indian passport, which Zoe had borrowed, the papers provided by the charity and then quizzed Makul about their destination and the contents of the boxes in the back of the 4x4. Eventually they were allowed to pass and continue towards Lahore.

Zoe watched a jet on final approach to the airport at the edge of the city, a familiar spectacle in the unfamiliar landscape. Makul negotiated the endless loops of the junction onto the ring road and accelerated to the top speed the clapped out Landrover was capable of. The road was surprisingly quiet as it skirted the northern side of the city, Zoe took Makul's advise and closed her eyes, resting whilst the road was good, even grabbing a few minutes precious sleep. She woke as they slowed to take the tight curve of the exit junction and joined the queue for the toll booth for the Ravi Bridge.

The Grand Trunk Road heading north reminded Zoe of he outskirts of Delhi, perfectly straight, lined with hotels and shops and completely chaotic as they competed with three wheeled vehicles and noisy motor scooters. Makul pulled into a petrol station and refilled the tank, Zoe sank into the back seat, nervously hoping that no-one would take any notice of her as she sat alone in the vehicle. Although her reflection revealed the image of a local woman, Zoe felt out of place and conspicuous.

She had never been so glad to see anyone as Makul when he returned from the kiosk and leapt back into the vehicle.

The Grand Trunk Road snaked north west across the country, mile after mile through small towns and expanses of open countryside. Night was falling before they stopped again, this time at a petrol station on the outskirts of a small town.

"It's safe here." Makul told Zoe. "Stretch your legs, go to the loo and we'll get something to eat."

The loos were no where near as bad as Zoe had expected, quite civilized with a huge painting of a family working in the fields dominating the tiny space. Makul was waiting for her and led her into the cafe area, whispering that she should take a seat whilst he ordered the food.

"Try to get some sleep." Makul advised as they left the Grand Trunk Road behind and joined the ribbon of tarmac that formed the Peshawar motorway. Zoe settled back, traffic was sparse as to be almost non-existant, the headlights of the Landrover cutting through the darkness, revealing little of the landscape. Sleep eluded her for a while, something she didn't mind as she saw the moonlight glinting off the waters of the Indus river as they crossed the landmark on the parallel bridges. As the darkness closed about them once more, Zoe drifted off to sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

The road from Peshawar to Jalalabad in the first light of dawn was a daunting prospect as it headed into the mountains. The crossing into Afghanistan was the one Zoe had been dreading most. The crossing point was simple in appearance, looking rather like an old fashioned petrol station sitting in splendid isolation across the road. It was in many ways less imposing than the toll booth they had negotiated a few miles back. On either side the brownish grey mountains appeared deserted, nothing else marked the boundary, there was no barbed wire here, just a short stretch of street lights and a bored looking security guard who simply waved them through.

"He knows me." Makul explained. "I've been bringing supplies through here for the last five years." As they continued along winding mountain road Makul seemed more relaxed, for all of its fearsome reputation Afghanistan seemed to welcome them with open arms.

As the road swept down to accompany the river, the landscape took on a green hue, if Zoe hadn't know better she would have guessed they had turned around and were heading into the mountains of Northern India. The familiar appearance of the place put her further at ease. The road skirted Peshawar airport with its familiar British designed control tower, but the few aircraft parked on the apron were all military. The city streets were laid out in straight lines, almost devoid of traffic at this early hour. Makul took the main road towards the city centre and pulled into a low walled compound that housed the Red Crescent office, a scruffy pock marked single storey building painted cream with flat green roof and a wooden door that wouldn't have looked about of place on a 1950's clinic in Britain. The entrance was dominated by a huge notice board covered in rows of writing that Zoe couldn't read.

"Don't speak to anyone and stay behind me." Makul warned as he switched off the engine. "We'll take the boxes in, put them on the desk, the loos are to the right, go in there while I speak to them, give me five minutes, then come back to the desk, I'll give you a box, and we'll walk back out to the car. OK?" Zoe nodded, adjusted her head scarf so that only her eyes remained visible and followed her cousin to the back of the Landrover. He handed her two boxes to carry and took two himself.

Zoe followed his plan to the letter, thankfully finding herself alone in the ladies. The facilities were very basic and hardly clean, five minutes seemed an eternity, listening to the chatter in an unfamiliar language, dreading that the door may open and a stranger may enter. Finally Zoe pulled her sleeve back over her watch and walked out into the office. Makul gave her a nod and handed her a large box, she almost turned to lead him out of the door, but remembered at the last second that she must walk behind him.

"Well done." Makul breathed as they got back into the car. "There's been some trouble on the road ahead." He explained. "A car bomb exploded in the city yesterday and they've had reports of fighting at Khewa Bazar in the last few days." His eyes met Zoe's via the rear view mirror. "I don't know if we will be able to get through, but we'll give it a go if you're up for it?"

"Sure." Zoe forced a smile, they had travelled this far, she wasn't about to turn back now. After refilling the Landrover at a rusty pump behind the office building, Makul drove back out onto the city streets, heading west for a couple of blocks, then turning north to cross the river.

The road to Asadabad clung to the edge of the mountains as it followed the river, the space between the two being lush and fertile. Neat fields nestled on the sparse land between the mudflats and the inhospitable hillsides. Here and there the lower slopes had been tamed into terraces, but mostly they were wild and foreboding. As they had been warned, there were signs of recent fighting, scorched houses and burned out vehicles in the quieter areas. Makul drove slowly, concentrating on keeping his wheels on the tracks left by the previous vehicle, minimising the risk of activating any roadside bombs. The road was little more than a dusty track, crossing wide areas of deserted land, anyone wishing to plant a device would have plenty of opportunity.

The scattered buildings that lined the road around Khewa Bazar could loosely be termed a town. It was scarred by the recent fighting, but there was no sign of the expected road block and Makul drove through as quickly as he dared, taking the right hand fork at the junction, continuing to follow the river as it snaked through miles of open grasslands.

A few miles further, the town of Asadabad was a colourful mix of squat buildings clinging to the hillside at the junction of two valleys. The deep blue of the mosque, dominated the scene, it being by far the largest building. Makul drove through the town, weaving through the dusty streets until he reached a cross roads.

"This is as far as I've been before." He told Zoe. "There's a hospital up there, I brought supplies in to a few of our team who were working there last year." The building he pointed out looked nothing like a hospital, it was a low concrete construction with damage visible even from this distance. "Watapur is further up the Pech river."

"Is it far?" Zoe asked, it was the first time Makul had spoken of their destination.

"No, not far now." Makul smiled as he turned the Landrover towards the valley.


	34. Chapter 34

Watapur Hospital was a grand name for a collection of low mud coloured buildings surrounded by a damaged wall clinging to the hillside above the village. The mangled remains of a military vehicle guarded the entrance. Butterflies danced in Zoe's stomach as Makul pointed it out to her, it bore only a passing resemblance to the photograph Nick had printed out. It had been a long two days on the road, and the fear that he may no longer be in this remote place gripped Zoe with an iron fist.

Makul drove the Landrover through the tattered remains of the village, grimacing as a small group of children cheered and waved, running after the vehicle, this was bandit country and medical staff were frequently targeted for helping the locals. As they approached the junction of the valley road, an opened backed 4x4 approached at speed. As it whizzed past them it was obvious that it was heading for the hospital.

"What passes as an ambulance in these parts." Makul said grimly as he followed the truck up the winding narrow road.

The gates of the compound were open and Makul followed the truck into the court yard. It had parked up at the doors and the occupants were busy lifting two of their injured colleagues from the back of it.

"I'd better lend a hand." Makul declared, jumping out of the Landrover and sprinting across the dusty yard to help carry the men inside. Zoe followed at a more sedate pace, hoping that her cousin's actions indicated that this place was indeed safe.

The interior of the hospital was little better than the exterior, Zoe followed the procession along a narrow corridor past four very over crowded wards and through worn double doors with broken porthole windows into what passed for triage. The casualties were laid on trolleys and a male doctor made a quick assessment of both.

"That one through to Meyer, now." He said with an American accent, the patient was whisked away through a second set of doors and the American turned his attention back to the other patient, there was a massive pool of blood forming on the floor beneath the trolley. "This one through to Jordan, straight away." The patient was wheeled away through the doors, the doctor following swiftly before Zoe could recover from hearing Nick's name and introduce herself.

Zoe cautiously let herself through the double doors to find the most basic scrub room and another door which led to a single operating theatre with two tables. She peered through the porthole window, Meyer was calmly operating on the first patient, the second was still loosing a lot of blood, the small team around the table obviously struggling. Without a second thought Zoe stripped off her outer clothing, scrubbed up at the sink and helped herself to a surgical gown, gloves and mask.

She opened the door with her elbow and crossed the small room to the table.

"Clamp it! Now." Nick's voice said.

"I can't." His colleague replied with a heavy accent, obviously inexperienced he was struggling to cope with the devastating injuries.

"Stem this flow or we're going to loose him." Nick's tone was edged with desperation. Zoe stepped forward and calmly inserted her finger into the wound, applying pressure to hold back the blood loss. "Thank you." Nick said without looking up. He quickly completed work on the artery he was dealing with then took the clamp from his colleague and in a manoeuvre they had accomplished many times, he and Zoe worked together to clamp the artery. "Good work." He finally looked up, his eyes locking with Zoe's.

"Hello Nick." She breathed.


	35. Chapter 35

The door of the operating theatre was flung open and a breathless bearded man dashed in, speaking rapidly in the local tongue.

"Insurgents!" One of Nick's local colleague's translated urgently.

"Can you keep this man stable?" Nick asked urgently, Meyer was already heading for the scrub room, pulling off his gloves and gown, his face set in a thunderous expression.

"They saw the Red Crescent truck." the translator provided. "You," he grabbed Zoe's arm and dragged her into the scrub room, "get out of that gown and get your head scarf back on."

"She's my wife." Makul told everyone loudly.

"Nick?" Zoe gasped, having no idea what was going on, she caught a brief glimpse of him as he dashed from the theatre and ripped off the surgical mask to reveal a full beard and a furious expression.

"He is not here." Makul told Zoe firmly, spinning her round to face him. "I'm delivering supplies and you are my wife." He hissed.

He held the headscarf, expertly wrapping it around Zoe and then dragging her along the corridor and into one of the wards. He pushed her towards one of the beds, "Sit there and don't speak." He ordered, before striding out of the ward.

There was a sharp clanking noise which sounded as though it came from beneath her feet, as if to muffle the sound, three of the twelve patients on the ward began to wail, the most awful heart rending pain filled sound Zoe had ever heard. The cry was taken up by patients in other wards, an eerie desolate sound that echoed through the walls. The female patient in the bed grabbed Zoe's hand and pulled her close, whispering desperate words which Zoe couldn't understand.

A few dreadful minutes later Makul reappeared at the door of the ward, accompanied by a tall thin man in army fatigues with an automatic rifle slung on a strap across his chest. Makul pointed to Zoe, the stranger looked at something in his hand. Zoe realised that it must be her borrowed passport and quickly averted her eyes. She held her breath as the ward door closed and footsteps retreated along the corridor.

Zoe fought the sudden urge to throw up that had overcome her. She knew this was a dangerous place, now she fully realised the additional danger she had brought upon Nick, just by setting out to find him.

(Thanks for your reviews everyone!)


	36. Chapter 36

"You've done some stupid things in the past, Zoe" Nick spat the words out "but this really takes the biscuit!"

They were in a small office at the back of the hospital, Zoe, Makul, Mayer and the American doctor sat around a small yellow formica table whilst Nick paced up and down.

"I'm sorry." Zoe whispered.

"What's the plan?" Meyer asked calmly, the twitching muscles of his jaw as he set his teeth belaying the underlying anger.

"I'll drive you back to India, the route we came was quite calm." Makul volunteered.

"And how to do expect to get through with us in the vehicle?" Nick questioned, anger flashing in his eyes. "Zoe may be able to pass for your wife, but even with a sun tan and a beard, we stand out as Westerners at anything less than a hundred yards." He shook his head and turned away, pacing the few strides to the wall and back again. "We'd all be shot before we got twenty miles from here. Do you have no understanding of the situation?" He directed the question at Makul.

"Things have changed since I was last in this province." Makul knew his excuse was feeble and that he should have thought things through more thoroughly before embarking on Zoe's foolhardy rescue mission.

Zoe looked down at the table, the pattern of tiny squares swimming before her eyes as tears formed. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Nick resumed pacing back and forth.

"You'll have to take Zoe back." He said suddenly, stopping and placing his hands on the table top, leaning threateningly towards Makul. "Make sure she's safe, that's the most important thing." He added, Zoe looked up at him, it was the first caring thing he had said since she had arrived.

"We're stuck here until Thursday." Makul said solemnly. "I had to tell the insurgent leader that I was here for five days as a volunteer doctor. He saw how many patients you have and seemed to accept that. They will be watching us, it would be foolhardy to leave early."

Nick's fingers tensed against the table top.

"Then we have five days to come up with a better plan." Meyer concluded.


	37. Chapter 37

"Come here." Nick whispered as everyone left the small office except himself and Zoe. He held out his arms, a smile dancing on his lips. "It is good to see you." He breathed as she got to her feet. Zoe flung herself against his chest, her arms wrapping around him as though she'd never let go. As Nick's arms enclosed her and he placed a kiss to the top of her head, every emotion that had been held in check flooded through her and she burst into tears. Nick held her close, his hands circling on her back, soothing, calming.

"I'm sorry Nick." She sniffed. "I never meant..."

"It's ok." He whispered nuzzling her ear. "You weren't to know how bad things were here, we'll work it out."

"But..." Zoe lifted her head from his chest, looking up at him. "I put you in danger."

"And you saved that man's life on the operating table." He spoke slowly, calmly. "The locals are learning fast, but there are some things that only experience can provide, they've still got a lot to learn." He kissed her forehead. "Lets sit down." He suggested, pulling up a chair then guiding Zoe to sit on his knee, he wrapped his arms firmly about her. "It's not the first time we've had to leave the locals holding the fort whilst we dash out of theatre and hide from the enemy. They might have turned up even if you hadn't." He rubbed the tip of his nose against her cheek. "For all the trouble you cause me Zoe Hanna, I wouldn't have it any other way." His arms tightened about her and he kissed her lips gently.

"Nick." Zoe breathed, wrapping her arms about his neck, raking her fingers through his untidy hair, kissing him forcefully giving in to the surge of desperate need that flooded through her entire body. She slid one hand across his shoulder, pulling back his unfamiliar Afghan jacket, sliding it down his arm as if to remove it. He broke the kiss suddenly.

"Zoe." Nick's voice had a warning note in its tone, his hand captured hers and held it to his chest against the slightly rough shirt he wore. "Much as I want to ravish you right now, we can't, not here." His eyes flicked from her face to the open doorway of the office, which lacked any form of door. "Save it for later." He pleaded. Zoe nodded, surprised at the voracity of her body's reaction to him. "I hope you're not really married to that Indian Doctor, are you?" He asked praying that she had no idea how much it had hurt him to hear Makul say those words.

"He's my cousin." Zoe told him with a light laugh. "I borrowed his wife's passport to get across the borders."

"Thank goodness for that." Nick sighed though he never doubted that Makul's words were a lie, the confirmation of his guess was a huge relief, accompanied by a second wave of relief that Zoe had at least made some effort to protect her western identity. He kissed her softly. "I guess we'd better get you settled in here then."


	38. Chapter 38

Amongst the boxes of medical supplies and food was a box containing items Zoe had brought from home, inside were a selection of dressings, disposable surgical instruments, masks, sterile gloves and five sets of scrubs. Nick grinned as he held one up, the familiar logo of an incomplete circle and the words Holby City Hospital struck him as strangely comforting. The selection of things Zoe had brought with her were exactly what they needed in this outpost, and Nick was relieved to see that her own possessions included a sleeping bag identical to the one he had bought and a large box of water purification tablets. Zoe was often the most impractical person he knew, but she had obviously taken note of the things he had said on their last shopping trip.

They were in the basement of the hospital, a series of tiny cramped cave like rooms linked by a narrow corridor accessible only via a trapdoor concealed in a storeroom at the back of the collection of buildings. The small underground complex had been used by the US military whilst their troops were in this valley and it was still furnished with the camp beds and other items they had left behind. Although it was the only hiding place they had, Nick found it very insecure as he guessed the local Taliban would already know of its existence.

The caverns had one permanent resident, the blond haired, blue eyed, Doctor Joanne Rhodes, Nick's second American colleague who had been badly injured in the bombing of the other hospital weeks earlier. Dr Levine had done his best with minimal facilities and kept her alive until they had reached this sanctuary, Nick and Meyer had operated to save her leg which was still encased in a skeleton plaster cast.

She seemed less than pleased to welcome Zoe as a room mate, something the look she gave Nick sparked a stab of jealousy in Zoe as they were introduced. Zoe would much rather have squeezed her camp bed into the cramped cave occupied by Nick, Mayer and Andy Levine, but she had to accept Nick's insistence that it was not practical to do so.

Darkness was falling over the valley as they ventured back up the metal ladder. Nick took Zoe's hand and helped her up the last few rungs, pulling her close against him as she reached the top. His arms looped about her and he dipped his head to kiss her.

"Let's try and get some time alone after supper." He whispered in her ear before releasing her.

"Please." Zoe pleaded, the events of the day had struck her with a deep terror, the thought that the hospital compound along with its occupants was under observation by those intent to cause harm was the most unnerving feeling she had ever experienced. Nick gently lifted the light fabric of Zoe's head scarf to cover her hair, looping the trailing end over her shoulder to be easily accessible should the need to cover her face arise.

"You'll soon get used to this place." Nick told her as he led her out into the hospital corridor. "I'm afraid you'll have to treat me as is their custom, when we are up here." He told her. "Walk behind me." He whispered as she frowned in confusion. "Fancy doing a ward round with me?"


	39. Chapter 39

Supper, a delicious smelling stew, was being served to the patients before Nick had completed his rounds. Zoe enjoyed watching him interact with the patients, in the few weeks he had been here, he had learned the basics of their language and by a combination of a few words and hand gestures the vital information was exchanged and patients notes completed. The four wards were packed, most of the patients had undergone surgery, mostly for traumatic conflict related injuries, but those in the women's ward included two new mothers, their babies and Azin, Nick's young heart patient. She was keen to learn English and Nick chatted easily with her.

"Hungry?" He asked as he led Zoe from the ward.

"Very." She replied, the last time she had eaten was breakfast in the early hours of the morning.

"Our dinning room is through here." He led her along a makeshift covered walk way to another low building. The one end of the single room was set out as a kitchen with battered military catering equipment, the main area of the floor was covered by two large trestle tables with long benches. The only window was boarded up and the smoke and stife from the cooking hung about the ceiling in a dense cloud. Nick carefully clambered over the bench and sat down next to Meyer, indicating that Zoe should take the place next to him. She sat down then swung her legs over the bench, making an effort to appear at least little ladylike to befit her eastern attire.

The stew was as delicious as it smelt, though the consistency was more akin to soup and the portions of flat bread were quite meagre. The conversation around the table was as it was in any hospital canteen, discussions of patients, exchanges of ideas for difficult cases. This was medicine on the edge, raw, difficult, challenging but also exciting, the combined ingenuity of those gathered around this rough table was the difference between life and death for every patient in their care. There were no sprained ankles or bruised ribs here, every case was serious. Zoe edged slightly closer to Nick, pressing her thigh against his, their elbows touching as they ate their meal.

"Dr Hanna and I need a little time." Nick said very quietly to Meyer as they passed the empty plates down the table.

"I know." Meyer breathed. "Go." He smiled at Zoe.

"Thank you." Nick whispered and extracted himself from the bench.

Nick led Zoe through the confusing maze of the hospital buildings, pointing out the doctor's dormitory where Makul would be sleeping with their local colleagues. In the store room he opened the trap door and let Zoe lead the way down the steel ladder, closing the door behind them, he held a finger to his lips to indicate they should move quietly and crept along the narrow passage to their rooms. Outside the doorway of his room he paused, holding Zoe's hand, indicating she should remain motionless and silent. He leaned closer to the girls bedroom, listening intently, a smile crossed his lips as he heard the sound he was hoping for, the muffled beat of music which told him Joanne had her earphones in and her MP3 player turned up too loud. Nick lifted the heavy rug that formed the door of his room and led Zoe inside.

"Zoe." He whispered as he eased the unfamiliar headscarf from her, then he enclosed her in his arms and kissed her with passion.

"I love you." Zoe whispered as they paused and gazed into each other's eyes. "I didn't meant to put you... "

"Shhh." Nick placed his index finger on her lips. "If it had been you out here and me at home, I'd have found a way to get to you too."

Home, the way he had said the simple word echoed through her, and spoke volumes. He began to unfasten the row of tiny buttons at her breast. Zoe reciprocated by sliding the heavy wool Afghan jacket from his shoulders, he let it fall from his arms and then continued to undress her as she flicked open the buttons of his long rough shirt to reveal that he was wearing beneath it one of the fine cotton shirts he had bought in Holby. Zoe ran her hand over his chest, enjoying the warmth of him through the cotton and the familiar feel of the fabric over his firm flesh. She slipped a finger between the buttons of his shirt, stroking his chest before flicking them open one by one until she reached his belt. She struggled with the military style buckle and eventually accepted Nick's assistance, he flicked it open easily and stood with his hands on her shoulders, allowing her to deal with the button and taut zip. The weight of the items in the pockets of his combats sent them sliding to his ankles. He allowed Zoe a few moments to tease him gently before he flicked back one side of his sleeping bag and sat down on the camp bed to remove his boots. He eased himself onto the bed and lay with his hands behind his head, watching Zoe as she dispatched her remaining clothes and his, then climbed cautiously on top of him. He draped the cover over them both before running his hands up and down her back.

"Is this bed sturdy?" Zoe asked, wriggling her hips against him.

"I've no idea." Nick grinned at her. "But I think we are about to find out."

.

The American camp bed was indeed sturdy, they tested it vigorously, twice, just to be sure, then lay together quietly, exchanging light kisses and teasing caresses.

"I'm sorry about earlier." Nick whispered.

"It's ok Nick." Zoe reassured him. "Working with you in theatre was the best welcome I could have had."

"Really?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"In polite company." Zoe teased.

"Even so." Nick's hands paused on her back. "I know it can't have been easy to get here, I shouldn't have snapped at you, if those..."

"You've more than made up for it." Zoe captured his earlobe and teased it lightly with her teeth, sending sensations along every nerve. He brushed a stray lock of hair from her eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, "and we'll find a way out of here, together."

"I love you Nick." She kissed him gently then snuggled into him, enjoying every precious second in his arms.

.

"So Doctor Hanna." Joanne said as Zoe settled into her own sleeping bag later that evening. "You must really love him."

"Yes." Zoe answered quickly although she was taken aback by the direction of conversation. "Yes I do."

"You are so lucky." Joanne added then turned to face the wall.

"I am." Zoe said under her breath. She had a lot to be thankful for from her own heritage to the narrow escape earlier, and the fact that only the stone of the cave wall separated her from Nick. She snuggled down into the soft sleeping bag, the feel of it reminding her that his bed was identical, for a moment she wished that she was in it still, but at least tonight they had been able to spend some time alone together and they were safe, for now at least.


	40. Chapter 40

Four in the morning, the luminescent hands of Nick's watch told him as he glanced down at it. He was standing in the shadows just inside the door of Zoe's room, watching her sleeping in the faint light that crept around the edges of the Afghan rug that acted as a door. Nick rested his shoulders against the cool solid stone of the cavern wall, his arms folded across his chest, his booted feet braced against the floor. He stood motionless, his breathing slow and silent, he had been there almost an hour.

Zoe slept on her side, the soft folds of her sleeping bag covering her body, only her dark hair, part of her face and one hand were visible. She was breathing gently, the same slow rhythm Nick was matching. She had spoken little of the time since he had left Holby to fly out here and even less of the long journey to join him here, he knew she was tired and guessed she had been loosing sleep over his departure and the lack of news. Sleep was something that had mostly alluded Nick since he had arrived here, the work was challenging, the danger ever present. He knew he was running on adrenaline and it couldn't last for ever, but for the moment he was content to stand guard in the almost darkness, silently protecting the person most precious to him in the entire world.

Nights were different here, totally silent, Nick had grown accustomed to trusting his ears and several times over the past few weeks he had taken a night time stroll in the desolate mountains, something that would be far to risky during daylight hours. He had always had the ability to move silently, a skill honed to perfection on many different wards during countless night shifts as he had climbed the slippery career ladder from medical student to registrar.

For all the dangers of this wild country it was beautiful. He thought of the hours he had spent outside the previous evening, sitting in total solitude in the shadows of a rocky outcrop a few hundred feet above the hospital complex. He had watched the myriad of stars, a brilliant display never visible at home, wishing he could share it with Zoe as he imagined her getting ready for bed in Holby, wondering if she was worrying about him. Now he knew that all the time she had been in the same time zone, travelling the long rough roads to join him here.

Five days they would be together here, what would happen when that time was up, Nick had no idea, but he hoped that one of those nights would be quiet enough to be able to venture outside, to stand under the stars with Zoe and share the wonders of the universe with her.

The slightest noise in the ward above drew Nick's attention, one of the nurses moving about. He flicked his gaze to Joanne, she was sleeping deeply, no doubt aided by the cocktail of painkillers she was taking for her leg. It would be a long and difficult recovery period, but Nick hoped she would get through it and regain her active lifestyle. He smiled in the darkness as he recalled the number of times she had asked him out over the months they had worked together in Michigan, drinks, dinner, snowboarding, a walk by the lake. He had accepted her invitation for drinks on a few occasions, Joanne was pleasant enough company, if a little too keen to talk shop, but Nick had always stopped short of taking the relationship any further.

The sound of footsteps on the floor above drew his eyes back to the ceiling, his doctor's instinct alerting him to the increased urgency. He glanced at Zoe then silently slipped out of the room. Nick entered his own room just long enough to collect his Afghan jacket, then made his way along the narrow passage to the ladder and climbed up into the hospital.


	41. Chapter 41

"It's Azin, Dr Jordan." His colleague told him as he met him in the middle of the women's ward, Nick had not bothered correcting the locals as to his title, here he was a doctor and he was happy with that. "Her breathing is more difficult and she's running a temperature."

"I'll take a look." Nick set his jacket down on the chair beside the bed and crouched beside his young patient. She reached out a small hand to him, grasping a handful of cotton of his sleeve.

"Doctor Nick?" she questioned.

"I'm here." He said softly as he brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead, testing her temperature with the backs of his fingers as he did so, she was quite hot. "How are you feeling?"

"Not so good." She whispered.

"Ok, let me look after you." He breathed, accepting a bowl of cool water from the nurse, he set it on the chair and rolled up his sleeves. Nick swirled the cloth around the bowl, wrung it out then dabbed it gently on her forehead. He refreshed it, folded it then laid it across her tiny brow. Azin was six years old but physically more like a three or four year old, her dark almond shaped eyes studied Nick as he cared for her. He gently rolled back the covers and unfastened the miniature buttons of her night gown. The centre of her chest was covered by a wide dressing, Nick knew exactly what lay beneath it, a row of neat stitches each formed by his own hands. He rubbed his stethoscope on his own chest, warming the diaphragm by friction before placing it on her feverish skin. He closed his eyes as he listened to the unusual beat, trying to decipher the complex rhythm.

The operation had gone well, Nick and Mayer working side by side, fitting the tiny artificial heart alongside Azin's own heart. The idea had been Nick's, when they had opened her chest, her own heart was not as badly damaged as the primitive scans had suggested, instead it was underdeveloped. The tiny proportions of the new heart had allowed it to be inserted above her own, augmenting rather than replacing it.

Nick's ears grew accustomed to the dual beat, she was his little miracle, the girl with two hearts, both were beating in sequence. He listened a little longer, making sure that he was interpreting the sounds correctly. Satisfied that the new heart was functioning correctly, he laid down the stethoscope and returned to sponging to reduce her temperature.

"I will get better, won't I Doctor Nick?" she asked.

"You will." He reassured her, meeting her anxious gaze with steady eyes. Not for the first time something about the little girl reminded him of Zoe, the shape of her eyes, the angle of her nose. Nick fought back the sudden rise of emotion that accompanied his next thought, if Zoe had been pregnant, their child would have by now have been three years old and about the same size as this little girl. Nick had thought about it often over the last couple of years, he was undecided if he would have preferred a daughter or a son, either would have been perfect, but it wasn't to be.


	42. Chapter 42

"Doctor Nick?" Azin asked as her temperature began to fall.

"Yes Azin." He paused with the damp cloth in his hand.

"The new Doctor..." She began

"Doctor Makul, the one who got here yesterday?"

"Is his wife your friend?" She asked. Nick washed out the cloth slowly. The child was so observant.

"Yes." He told her. "I've known her a long time, we are the best of friends." There was nothing to be gained by entrusting her with the truth.

"She seems nice." Azin smiled.

"She is." Nick agreed. "Very nice." He wiped Azin's face with the damp cloth. "How are you feeling now?" He asked.

"Better." She whispered.

"How about you get some sleep and by morning you'll feel much better." Nick refastened her nightgown and draped the sheet over her.

"Will you stay with me?" She asked, her eyes pleading.

"For a little while." Nick smiled at her, it took all his professionalism not to lean over and place a kiss on her forehead. "Until you go to sleep, then I have other patients to look after."

"Thank you." She whispered and closed her eyes. Nick set the bowl of water on the floor and sat down in the chair, holding his folded jacket across his knees. He watched the child until he was sure sleep had reclaimed her.

The rest of the hospital was quiet. Nick exchanged a few words with the night staff then made his way through the corridors and stepped out into the cold night air at the back of the hospital. Concealed from sight by the buildings he stood alone, his eyes searching the stars of the heavens, fighting to check the emotions his young patient had brought back to life. Trying not to ask himself the question he had asked so many times in the early hours of countless mornings; had he pushed Zoe into a lie about the pregnancy test being positive, was it a false reading, or maybe just maybe for an infinitely small span of time she had been carrying their child. Sometimes he thought he might ask her one day, but that might be the worst idea ever. Some days he wished the later were true, to have had and lost was better than to have never had at all, wasn't it? But on other days the pain of imagining the few cells that had been their child being reabsorbed and ceasing to exist was too much to bear. He picked out a distant star, a tiny bright point that stood out as having an orange hue against the blackness. "We are all stardust." Someone had once told him, "Stardust and magic, and when the magic fades we go back to being stardust." If it were true, he picked the tiny orange star for their child, a star that would be there long after he could see it no more. "I love you." He said inwardly to the distant point of light, remembering the kiss he had laid on Zoe's stomach the fateful day she had shattered his dreams and their future together.

The night air was cold, Nick didn't want to wear the jacket, so he kissed his fingertips and blew the offering to the stars, then turned and went indoors.


	43. Chapter 43

Zoe woke feeling uncomfortable and disorientated, it took a moment for her to remember where she was. Once she had, she lay back on the camp bed, listening intently for any sounds. She picked out footsteps in the ward above and the sound of her room mate breathing steadily, but that was all. As quietly as she could, she slipped out of bed and got dressed. Joanne hadn't stirred so Zoe left her sleeping and made her way out into the passageway. Nick's room was empty, she paused a moment, looking at his camp bed, wondering if she should go up stairs to find him, or wait down here until someone came looking for her. The other rooms of the underground complex were also deserted, Zoe retrieved her wash bag from her room and locked herself into the small space they used as a temporary bathroom. The only water was half a container of cold, standing by a bowl on top of a cupboard, she poured a small amount into the bowl, water was precious here, she was careful to use only enough to have a quick wash and a couple of mouthfuls to rinse after she had brushed her teeth. The plumbing was a marvel of ingenuity, a five gallon drum laid on its side formed the waste collection point, two lengths of tubing led up to a cut off two litre bottle which acted a a funnel to pour away water from the bowl and a cut down plastic tank measuring almost three feet square, elevated on a rough frame made out of a pallet, provided a makeshift shower. Above it an empty solar shower bag hung on an over sized hook suspended by a length of rope. To the side stood a military elsan toilet, which she had been warned was for emergencies only.

Feeling more herself, Zoe returned to her room. Joanne was still sleeping and all was now silent. She sat on the edge of her bed for about five minutes then decided that she couldn't wait any longer. After taking care to arrange her headscarf correctly, Zoe crept up the ladder and eased the trap door up, just a fraction. The door was heavier than she had expected, Nick had opened it with such ease, she struggled to hold it as she listened carefully, thankful that she seemed to be alone she opened it fully and climbed up into the store room. The trapdoor was almost as difficult to close as it had been to open, it took all of Zoe's strength to settle it back into place without dropping it with a clang.

Zoe walked slowly along the corridor, the smell of breakfast drifted from the dinning room, it was hardly an inviting aroma, in fact it made Zoe feel a little queasy. She struggled to recall the layout of the hospital but managed to find the bathrooms and was glad to lock herself inside.

A few minutes later Zoe found her way to the dining room, she opened the door just enough to see into the room, a wave of relief swept over her as she spotted Nick and Makul seated at the table.

"Sleep well?" Makul asked as Zoe crossed the room to join them. "All ready for another day?"

"Fine thanks." Zoe replied.

"Have a seat, I'll get you some breakfast." Makul got to his feet, moving his bowl along the table to allow space for Zoe to sit between him and Nick.

"Morning." Nick smiled at her, offering his hand to steady her as she climbed over the bench to sit at his side. "Ok?" He asked, Zoe knew he had picked up on her not quite truthful answer to Makul's questions.

"Just a little travel weary." Zoe replied, squeezing Nick's hand, holding on just a moment longer than necessary as she settled onto the bench beside him.


	44. Chapter 44

"There you go." Makul placed a bowl of the lightly spiced porridge like breakfast in front of Zoe and sat down beside her. "It's Haleem, at least it's supposed to be." He told her with a touch of sarcasm.

"Thanks." Zoe played with the slightly oily dense sludge, fighting the queasiness induced by the smell of lamb mixed with cinnamon. She edged closer to Nick, he glanced at her then poured a mug of tea for her, handing it over with a knowing look. He rubbed the palm of his hand on his thigh then repeated the action, extending his fingers so that he rubbed Zoe's leg as well as his own. She took a gulp of the tea and gave him the slightest nod.

"You should have brought some sugar puffs." Nick teased in a whisper. "Though I'm not sure they go with goats milk any better than what ever this stuff is."

"You'd only eat too many in one go." Zoe managed to joke.

"So, any ideas on how we get out of here?" Makul asked. He too had noticed Zoe's reluctance to eat.

"Other than boxing everyone up and stacking us in the back of your Landrover then driving into town so you can post us home?" Nick laughed, watching Zoe as she tentatively tried the breakfast offering. She fought the instant reaction to baulk and swallowed a spoonful of it followed by a gulp of tea. She managed a second spoonful followed by another gulp of tea. Nick refilled her mug, suspecting dehydration might be the main culprit. "It wouldn't be the best way to travel." He added. "Did you manage to get enough to drink on the way here?" He asked Zoe, knowing the long flight would have caused dehydration before the long hot drive.

"Bottled water." Makul told him, catching on quickly to Nick's suspicions about Zoe. "We brought it with us, there's a couple of litre bottles left in the car. You must have drunk three or four at least, didn't you Zoe?" He asked.

"Three I think." She replied, taking another gulp of tea. "Do you have this for breakfast every day?"

"Most days." Nick replied. "Unless we get a miraculous delivery of sugar puffs." He added with a low laugh. "We could try ordering some." He suggested in jest. "They've come through with almost half of the things we've ordered so far, but we manage."

"If you make a list of things the hospital needs, I could go back to the office and get as much as I can for you." Makul offered. "I can't promise children's cereal but we might be able to get something more palatable."

"That would be useful, there's a lot of medical supplies we are short of." Nick nodded. "If we do manage to get out of here, the locals are going to need some support to carry on. Their surgery skills are very basic, they've learned a lot from working in theatre with Mayer and I, but they're not much more skilled than an F1 would be towards the end of their first year." Although Nick was desperate to leave and get Zoe back to safety, he had grown attached to this ramshackle hospital and its under skilled but enthusiastic staff, part of him felt as though leaving would be tantamount to abandoning them. "They could use an experienced surgeon, especially if the fighting continues at this level."

"The local Taliban leader didn't seem too bad." Makul mused. "I was expecting fire and brimstone, but he seemed to have at least some respect for the place."

"We patched up a couple of his men last week." Nick revealed. "Not that he knows who did the surgery." He added quickly. "We had to make sure they were both well under before Mayer and I came out of hiding. If we hadn't been here, they'd have lost limbs at the very least."

"That explains his attitude to me bringing supplies and skills here." Makul finished the last of his breakfast. "I'll speak to the staff, work out what's needed and what I can persuade the Red Crescent to provide. Might as well make sure the place gets something out of our visit." He got to his feet and took his bowl back to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Nick asked as he and Zoe were left alone.

"I'll be fine." Zoe placed her hand in his, drawing strength from his secure grip. "It's just the smell of this stuff." She prodded the remains of the gruel with her spoon.

"I hated it it too at first," Nick told her, "but it gets you through the day and food is in short supply."

"I know." Zoe whispered and gathered up the last spoonful, forcing herself to swallow it in one go.

"Tea is one thing we are not short of." Nick added as he refilled her mug and his own. He picked them both up and handed one to Zoe. "Here's to us." he whispered, chinking his mug against hers.


	45. Chapter 45

Nick re-filled his solar shower from the large plastic tank of purified water in the scrub room and filled Zoe's for her too. At first the locals had thought him quite mad to be using a purification tablet for water he wasn't going to drink, but Nick insisted that his surgery team wash in clean water to minimise the chance of infection during surgery. The increase in survival rates soon bore out his cleanliness regime and along with his surgical skills had quickly earned him the respect of the small team.

"Who ever invented these was a genius." Nick told Zoe as they ventured out into the tiny court yard at the back of the hospital. He reached up to place the two bags of water on the low roof to heat up in the sun. It was good to be outside, to feel the warmth of sunlight on their skin, to breath the fresh mountain air. They paused a moment leaning on the sun warmed wall, side by side.

In the distance a dog yapped and the sound of cars on the road below reached their ears, it all seemed so normal. Zoe took a very deep breath then let it out slowly.

"Feeling better?" Nick asked gently, his fingers inching across her palm then curling about hers.

"Still a little queasy." Zoe admitted, tightening her grasp on Nick's hand, very aware that if they had been at home she would have concealed it from him and refused to admit to any weakness. But here she felt differently, wanting nothing more than to cling to Nick and pretend that they were not trapped here.

"We can take things easy today." Nick squeezed her hand. "There's not much to be done, Azin didn't have the best of nights, but she seems ok this morning, I want to keep an eye on her, but the other patients are all routine." Zoe nodded, knowing her unspoken request to remain close to him had been understood.

Another unwelcome sound reached their ears, distant gunfire and the unmistakable sound of a rocket launcher.

"It's a long way off." Nick assured Zoe as he saw the fear in her eyes. "Let's hope its a quick fight that doesn't require our input in the aftermath." He added grimly.


	46. Chapter 46

The rest of the morning was routine, Zoe accompanied Nick on his ward rounds and helped him change dressings and dispense medicine. It had been a long time since she had worked on a surgical ward but she was quite happy to learn more about Nick's day to day life out here. Despite the crowded wards and the language barriers, the small team of doctors and nurses worked well together. It was soon very apparent that the western team were effectively in charge of the hospital, although the locals were dedicated, as Nick had pointed out, their skills, especially in surgery and critical care left a lot of be desired.

Zoe stood back watching Nick as he instructed the local staff to change the dressing of the man they had operated on yesterday. His teaching instincts were as sharp as ever, though had not lost the tendency for impatience and the urge to take over when his pupils struggled with a task.

"They're learning." Nick told her as he stepped back to watch them place the man's injured leg back into the sling to elevate it. "Slower than I'd like, but they are getting there."

"It's a different world Nick." Zoe looked up at him. "You're doing a great job all things considered."

"But what will happen when we leave?" Nick voiced the question Zoe had been asking herself.

"Hopefully Makul will be able to persuade the Red Crescent to send someone with surgical experience."

"Hopefully." Nick gave her a grim smile, he had encountered a few Red Crescent doctors last time he had been out here, he didn't hold out much hope of them providing a skilled surgeon with teaching experience.

Lunch consisted of flat bread, goats cheese and more tea. Far more palatable than breakfast and more suited to Zoe's taste.

"I have a couple of hours to spare." Nick whispered in her ear as they finished their meal. "Meyer and Levine have a teaching session and I have two solar showers full of hot water." He teased. "Could I interest you in joining me?"

.

"That's healing well." Zoe laid a hand gently on Nick's back, softly tracing a line parallel to the two fading scars.

"All down to good doctoring." He teased. "And yes before you ask I did finish all those antibiotics."

"Good." Zoe breathed, stepping closer to him and placing a light kiss on his shoulder blade. They were standing naked in the small bathroom in the caverns, Nick was fiddling with the tap of his solar shower which had begun to either stick or leak depending on which was more inconvenient at any given time.

"There we go." He finally managed to loosen the tap and stepped up into the makeshift shower tray, offering a hand to Zoe. She joined him, standing close as he played the hot water across both their bodies. Zoe scooped a handful of warm water from the jet and splashed her face.

"Perfect." She declared, resting her hands against Nick's chest.

"Glad you think so." He teased, as he battled to re-close the faulty tap. He reached for the bar of soap, lathered his hands then gave it to Zoe. "It's not easy to keep in shape with such restricted space."

"You look fine to me." Zoe decided not to rebuff him for cheekily turning the conversation and concentrated instead on rubbing soap over his shoulders and upper arms as he reciprocated. "I'd better double check though." She teased, testing his biceps then sliding her hands down his forearms, massaging soap into the fine dusting of hair, circling his wrists with her fingers then thoroughly washing his hands, taking time to examine each of his long fingers in turn. She turned his hands to check his palms, tracing the familiar pattern of lines through the suds.

Nick stood motionless, allowing Zoe to wash and caress his shoulders and back, flexing tense muscles slightly as her fingers found them and applied practised pressure to relieve them. He let out a low giggle as she located a ticklish spot just below his waist and then took full advantage of her intimate knowledge of his body. Zoe knew exactly how much gentle tickling he could stand and pushed her timing to the limits before soaping his backside then backs of his thighs and well defined calf muscles. She lifted each of his feet in turn, taking care not to tickle, but ensuring that each of his toes were clean before allowing him to rinse in the inch of water that had gathered in the tray. She skimmed back up his shins, washing his knees and then moving up to his thighs and hips. She rubbed soap across his stomach then traced a pattern in the suds before moving up his chest and repeating the action, this time drawing a little heart in the centre of his chest. She skimmed over his collarbone and up his neck, paying attention to his ears. She gave his beard a light tug.

"Soap or shampoo?" She asked.

"Shampoo works better." He told her.

"That can wait." She breathed as she rubbed the soap between her hands then handed it to him.

"You missed a bit." He whispered softly as he lathered his hands.

"Really?" Zoe teased casting her eyes down his body with deliberate slowness. "You mean this really obvious bit?" She asked as she wrapped her soapy fingers about his hardness. "I've missed this a lot." She teased as she leaned against him, enjoying the reciprocation of his soapy hands as she made up for her omission.

.

The tap of the shower required two hands to persuade in to action. Zoe ran her hands up and down Nick's sides as he reached above his head to release the flow. In the cramped space she rubbed her body against him, teasing him mercilessly.

"If you don't let me do this." He hissed with a laugh.

"What?" she asked feigning innocence.

"You might regret it." He warned, letting out a sigh as the tap finally gave way and drenched them both in warm water.

"Lucky the shower gave in first." Zoe laughed as Nick rinsed the shampoo from his hair and beard, she traced the trail of bubbles down his chest, then closed her eyes as he played the water over her head and ruffled her hair with his fingers to clear the suds from it.

Nick opened the tap of Zoe's shower and reduced the flow of water to a steady rate as they chased the last of the soap from each other's flesh. His hands cupped Zoe's face as he dipped his head to kiss her, a gentle kiss at first, but as she responded by wrapping her arms about his neck and pressing her body against him, he quickly deepened it.

"So?" He said slowly as he nuzzled her neck and flexed his hips towards her just a fraction.

"So?" Zoe questioned in response, looking up, meeting his eyes then glancing down his wet body. "I want you Nick." she breathed, then captured his lips again, her arms tightening around his shoulders as his hands took a firm hold of her hips.

"You want me?" He teased.

"I need you Nick." She felt her cheeks flare with the strength of her admission. "I really need you."

"All of me?" He asked. Before she could reply he lifted her, holding her easily as her legs snaked about his hips. "Like this?" He questioned as he flexed his knees and teased against her.

"I need all of you." She breathed, staring deep into his brown eyes as he entered her with a long thrust. "God, Nick!" Zoe tipped her head forward to rest against his, her hands gripping his shoulders as he took control.


	47. Chapter 47

"Azin's English is very good." Zoe commented as Nick crossed the ward to join her.

"That's mainly to her father's credit." Nick said quietly as he checked the patient's notes Zoe had just completed. "Her mother was killed when she was quite small, the Taliban don't approve of women being involved in aid work." There was a warning in his tone, one which didn't escape Zoe's attention. "Especially western women." He added giving her one of his looks usually reserved for ticking off junior doctors who were chancing their luck. "Walk with me." He whispered.

"Her mother was a westerner?" Zoe asked quietly as they left the ward.

"British." Nick replied. "She came out here with one of the smaller charities at the height of the conflict. Azin's father was involved in the aid work, their relationship wasn't easy but they managed to avoid most of the trouble. Her mother was caught up in a fire fight some miles from here, they brought her back, but she didn't make it." Nick gave her a serious look. "So, he's made sure Azin speaks the language, he's hopeful things will change and she might one day take up her mother's work." Nick paused. "I fear that day is a long way off." He grasped Zoe's elbow. "You need to be careful." He hissed. "Don't get too chatty with the patients, don't put too much trust in them." He warned.

"Ok." Zoe's voice was very small suddenly aware that this afternoon she had been treating the place as though it were Holby.

"I mean it Zo, it's dangerous here." Nick's words were firm. "Don't forget that."

"I know." She fought a sudden urge to cling to him.

"Dr Jordan?" A male voice interrupted.

"Azin's father." Nick explained in a whisper. "Go downstairs, I'll be down in a few minutes." He gave her the slightest wink.

Zoe pulled her headscarf tighter, picking up on Nick's nervous tension. She had to force herself not to look back as she walked away.

"She's not been so good today." Nick assumed his professional voice as he joined Azin's father at the ward door, as he drew closer he had the feeling he was right to be cautious about the man accompanying him. It was too late to avoid him, Nick had no choice but to put on his professional face and carry on.

Zoe crept into Nick's room in the caverns, thankfully it was empty, she sat on his bed, listening intently to the everyday sounds of the hospital above. Everything seemed normal, but she couldn't shake the feeling that Nick's expression had induced when Azin's father had called his name. It wasn't something she could pin down, but something was not quite right.

Some time later Meyer slipped silently into the room. He jumped slightly as he saw Zoe sitting on Nick's bed, he raised a finger to his lips to quickly silence anything she was about to say. Zoe nodded, something was happening, she wrapped her arms about her knees and hugged them tightly, her wide eyes watching Nick's mentor as he sat down on his own bed, leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Everything was very still, very calm but fear seemed to permeate the very air they breathed.

.

.

(Thanks for reading & for your reviews, great to know you're enjoying it)


	48. Chapter 48

Zoe had no idea how much time had passed before the rug hanging at the doorway of the cavern twitched. Nick moved silently, each footstep calculated and catlike. He too held a finger to his lips, but Zoe had no intention of speaking. He calmly crossed the few strides to where she sat and without a sound he positioned himself behind her. Nick wrapped his arms around her, settling his legs either side of her, he held her close. Zoe pressed her back against Nick's chest, he settled his chin on her shoulder, placing one hand over hers as she folded her arms over his, grateful for the security of his embrace. Their breathing patterns merged, silent shallow breaths, both listening intently to the silence that surrounded them.

All three of them flinched as the sound of an explosion rattled above them. Nick's arms tightened about Zoe and he pressed a kiss to the side of her neck, they both knew the explosion was too close for comfort. In the ward above someone was crying, but thankfully the sound of tumbling rubble was absent, it had been close, but not close enough to do any real damage.

.

It seemed as though hours had passed before Makul appeared in the doorway.

"It's all quiet for the moment." He said softly, frowning as his eyes rested on Zoe entwined in Nick's arms. "I think you should take a look at Azin." He added. "She's feverish and unsettled."

"I'm on my way." Nick said as calmly as though he were in his office at Holby. He rubbed Zoe's shoulders then stretched his taut muscles.

"It's ok Nick." She whispered. "Make sure she's ok."

"I'll take a look with you." Meyer said as he got to his feet. Nick extracted himself from the camp bed, offering a hand to Zoe.

"You go." Zoe told him, she wrapped her arms around her knees, feeling suddenly cold without Nick's body heat in the chilly cavern, unable to pinpoint why she didn't want to accompany him into the hospital.

"Don't get caught snuggled up with him." Makul told Zoe as Nick and Meyer left the room. "You are supposed to be my wife, the punishment for adultery isn't worth the risk." He hissed.

"Everything about me being here is a risk." Zoe retorted defensively, but she knew he was right.

"Is everything ok?" Andy asked. As he appeared at the doorway.

"Sure." Zoe reassured him. "It's nothing."

"I'll be next door with Joanne if you need me." He offered.

Makul waited until he had gone.

"What ever you do, don't spend the night curled up with him." He cautioned. "It will be bad enough if they find you all down here, without any additional complications."

"Understood." Zoe didn't want to discuss her sleeping arrangements, or any other arrangements she had with Nick.

"This is getting out of hand." Makul's tone was serious. "We need to get you out of here." He added. "I'm going to go back to HQ, maybe you should come with me?"

"I'll think about it." Zoe countered, unwilling to agree to the long journey, suspecting that it might turn out to be longer than a simple trip to HQ, she didn't want to leave Nick here, but there was no way he could go with them. Zoe ran a hand over her forehead, things were just too complicated. "What was happening earlier?" she asked.

"Fighting." Makul said simply. "The Taliban are a bit too close for comfort." he added. "You'd better stay down here for now."

.

In the ward above Nick and Meyer were speaking in hushed whispers. Makul walked slowly over to them.

"She really needs broad spectrum antibiotics." Meyer said calmly. Nick ran his hand over the back of his head, he knew as well as Meyer that their medicine cupboard was almost empty.

"HQ might have some in stock." Makul offered. "I could add them to the top of that list and drive over there."

"Could you get back before night fall?" Meyer questioned.

"If the fighting has calmed down." Makul reasoned. "I could try."

"It might be the only chance we have." Nick pressed his teeth into his bottom lip.

"What if the fight has just moved along the valley?" Meyer was ever practical.

"There's no way of knowing." Makul shook his head. "We'll have to hope they respect the Red Crescent and let me through."

"Will they?" Nick asked.

"Hopefully." Makul looked doubtful. "I could take Zoe with me, they have trucks going back and forth to India all the time, she... "

"No." Nick was firm. "There would be no guarantee of safe passage, it's too much of a risk. Besides, if we have to operate on Azin again, we will need her skills in theatre." The later wasn't strictly true, but there was no way Nick was going to let Makul set off into the unknown with Zoe. If they were to get out of here it would have to be together.

"Will you need to operate?" Makul gave the little girl an anxious glance.

"What we really need is to get her out of here, to a hospital with proper facilities and medicine in stock." Meyer stated calmly.

"A friend of my brother's has a six seater light aircraft." Makul volunteered. "He's done medivac's for the charity before" His tone was flat. "But funds are so tight, they'd never sanction the cost." He added sorrowfully.

"Cost is not a issue." Nick said without any hint of the emotions that suddenly surged inside him. "If you can get him to fly us out of here..."

"It isn't cheap." Makul warned.

"It doesn't matter" Nick told him with a flare of anger, then quickly checked his emotions. "What ever it costs, I will pay." At his side Meyer nodded solemnly backing him up.

"I can't promise." Makul said quietly. "But I will try."


	49. Chapter 49

The inky blackness of night had settled, bringing with it a silence that was complete. Nick stood in the small courtyard at the back of the hospital, he was leaning on the wall, his head tipped back, his eyes taking in the myriad of stars. The back of Zoe's head rested on his chest as she leaned against him and followed his instructions to look up at the stars. They stood there in the total silence, concealed from sight by the walls and roofs but still exposed to the cold air and the vastness of space. Nick had insisted Zoe wear his black mountaineering jacket, both for the warmth it provided and the protection of its dark colour. It was a risk standing outside, but everything here was a risk. He held her hands in his, fingers entwined, there was no need to speak, they understood each other perfectly, the beauty of the universe was a bonus.

Nick listened intently, the door of the hospital stood slightly ajar, ready to reclaim the scant protection of its walls should the need arise, but everything was silent. There was one sound Nick was hoping to hear, the low growl of a Landrover engine that might signify Makul had been successful in his mission.

He lifted Zoe's hand and pressed his lips to the backs of her fingers. Swooosh, a sharp violent sound shattered the peace, the court yard illuminated suddenly in a bright orange glow, Nick turned sharply, protecting Zoe with his body as he bundled her through the door. He closed it firmly behind them, an instant before the explosion rattled it from his hand.

"Down stairs." He hissed, keeping a tight grip of her hand as he dashed along the corridor.

The trapdoor was standing open, Andy hovered by it, his face pale with anxiety.

"Quickly." He warned. Offering his hand to Zoe as Nick motioned for her to climb down first.

"Where's Meyer?" Nick asked urgently.

"I'm here." His calm authoritative tone answered. "Get down there." He added as he strode across the floor carrying a small child wrapped in blankets in his arms. "Take her." He instructed as Nick reached the bottom of the ladder. The child was passed from one set of strong arms to another. Nick didn't wait for Meyer, he cradled her against his chest and carried her silently to his room in the caverns. He laid her gently on his camp bed. Instinctively he checked her temperature, though he knew already Azin was burning up.

"Nick?" Zoe questioned, shaking off the heavy jacket.

"Pass me that bottle of water." He looked up anxiously as the lights flickered in response to another more distant explosion.

"We have to get her temperature down." Meyer stated the obvious.

"Already on it." Nick peeled back the blankets from her tiny body, smiling at her as he accepted a flannel and the bottle of drinking water from Zoe. "It's cooler down here than in the ward, that will help."

"Doctor Ni..." Azin croaked.

"Shhh." He dabbed her face with the cool wet cloth. "It's alright." He smiled at her, a soft gentle smile that melted Zoe's heart, especially as his expression didn't waiver as another explosion rattled the buildings above. His eyes remained fixed on Anzin, her eyes filled with fear, locked with his drawing strength from him through total trust.

.

The lights flickered again and then went out, plunging the cavern into complete darkness. Azin whimpered, her hot little hand grasping Nick's wrist, holding him with all the force she could muster, ensuring that he remained with her.

"It's ok." He breathed. "I've got a torch." He fumbled on the bedside table with his free hand, knocking the torch over before managing to switch it on. He left it lying on its side, the beam flooding the room with a soft light. "We're safe here." He told Azin. Zoe took a step closer to Nick, drinking in the sight of Azin's tiny olive hand gripping his broad paler wrist, he made no move to release her grasp, he simply continued to sponge her with the cool water. "Zoe could you?" He asked nodding towards the bottle of water.

"Of course." She breathed, pouring a splash onto the cloth for him. She had no trouble in fixing the smile on her face as she crouched at Nick's side, holding the water bottle to refresh the cloth as required. His low soothing words as calming to her as they were to his young patient.

There was some kind of commotion upstairs, everyone in the cavern froze as the sound of the trap door being opened echoed around the small space.


	50. Chapter 50

Zoe was so close to Nick that she felt his chest contract as he exhaled the breath he had been holding. Their eyes rested on the figure in the doorway. Makul, with his arms wrapped around a large cardboard box. He crossed the room and set the box down at Nick's feet.

"Looks like you could use these." He whispered. Nick handed the damp cloth to Zoe, picked up the torch and opened the box.

"Perfect." He flashed a grin at Azin, a wide, no holds barred grin. "These are exactly what my girl needs." He whispered, lifting a box of antibiotics from the chiller bag.

A few minutes later Zoe held the torch for Nick as he inserted a line into Azin's arm, his skilled fingers gently easing the needle into a vein with the minimum of pain. The little girl watched him with an expression of complete trust.

"I spoke with Sajan." Makul said softly. "He will speak with his friend tonight and will get a message to us via HQ."

The sound of the trapdoor opening again made the room fall into frozen silence. This time it was one of the local doctors.

"They're bringing in an injured man." He relayed the message in hushed tones. "They say he needs to go straight into theatre."

"I'll scrub up." Meyer got to his feet. "Join me Mr Jordan." He instructed.

"Zoe can do this for you." Nick told Azin with a wink. "She's very good at this sort of thing, but don't tell anyone, it's a big secret." Nick smiled at Zoe as she took the line from him, her fingertips brushing his as she did so. "Ok?" He mouthed. She nodded. "I'll see you in a little while."

"Doctor Nick says I will be alright." Azin told Zoe in hushed tones once they were alone. It was more a question than statement.

"And you know what?" Zoe kept her tone light and a smile on her face. "Doctor Nick is never ever wrong." She looped the saline drip onto the stand that they had quickly set up, she paused a moment, fighting down the tsunami wave of emotions that surged through her as she vocalized the almost exact same words she had said to him just before their first kiss. It seemed a life time ago, longer even, but she had replayed that moment in her mind so many times that it was as if it had been yesterday.

As Zoe worked silently to administer the antibiotics, the sound of a trolley being wheeled at speed along the corridor above, was clear to her ears, by now she knew the route well. She could imagine the controlled panic that exuded from the locals and could easily picture Nick and Meyer in the scrub room, their actions a mirror of each other in the way only old colleagues could perfect as they prepared to undo the effects of conflict in a battle of their own.

Nick followed Meyer into the theatre, Andy was already there and had the patient under anaesthetic. It had been a long time since Nick had baulked at anything in theatre or in the ED, a very very long time, but the sight of the man on the table knocked him sideways. It didn't go unnoticed.

"Pull yourself together man." Meyer hissed, stepping over the river of blood that was flowing freely across the floor and beginning an assessment of the life threatening injuries. "Push the fluids." He aimed the instruction at the local doctor who has setting up a line. "We are going to need blood." Another doctor nodded. "As much as you can get." Meyer glanced up at Nick, they both knew the limited supplies would scarcely be enough. "Well, let's get on with it." Meyer said firmly. "I can't do this alone."

"No." Nick said calmly. "Of course not." He swallowed his feelings and stepped up to the table. The situation was almost hopeless but they had to try.

.

Fifteen minutes later they were still fighting to save him, a fight they both knew they were loosing.

"We could do with some help here." Meyer hissed, the locals were doing their best, but their skills were far from adequate.

"Makul's wife is in the caverns taking care of a patient who needs to be kept cool." Nick said to the young doctor at his side with great reluctance. "Would you please go and ask her to join us in theatre." The formality of his request sounded strange to his own ears, but somehow made it impersonal, easier to vocalise.

.

It seemed forever until the theatre doors opened and Zoe appeared in a theatre gown and mask. She paused at the sight of the blood soaked floor and obvious chaos around the table, but quickly checked herself and stepped up to Nick's side. His eyes were serious as she met his gaze, his theatre cap soaked with sweat, his gown splattered with blood.

"Can you do anything with his arm?" Nick asked calmly as he turned his attention back to the massive abdominal wound he was dealing with.

"Of course." Zoe made a quick visual assessment of the shattered bones and the array of clamps which were all that was preventing the patient from bleeding out. She doubted that the limb could be saved, even if they had been in one of Holby's fully equipped theatres rather than this butchers block of a field hospital.

"We could really use those clamps, can you close off the arteries?" Nick nodded to the almost empty equipment tray. She didn't need to tell him the arm was non-viable, he already knew. "We need to get on top of this blood loss."

Zoe selected one of the smallest needles, as she began her task it was obvious why they had requested her assistance, the doctor she was replacing had been less than successful in his attempt.

In just a brief few minutes Zoe was able to remove the first clamp and replace it on the equipment tray for immediate reuse.

"BP is dangerously low." Andy announced as he checked the old fashioned readouts. Here there was no electronic beep to accompany the patient's heart, no warning alarm when things went from bad to worse. Zoe didn't envy him the responsibility of anaesthetics with such basic equipment.

"Keep pushing the fluids." Meyer said almost matter of factly. He glanced up at Nick, their eyes locked for barely a second, they both knew this was a battle they were loosing.


	51. Chapter 51

Nick pulled off his gloves and threw them forcefully into the scrub sink, the strange sound echoed around the room.

"You did all you could." Zoe knew her words were almost worthless. Nick crossed the short distance to the sink and gripped the edge of it until his knuckles showed white. He stood motionless a long moment, head bowed, his face mask fluttering as he drew deep breaths and quickly exhaled again. Zoe stood back, allowing him a moment, not until Nick reached out and switched on the tap to rise the blood from his hands and the sleeves of his gown, did she step up to his side to do like wise. Nick pulled off his gown and dropped it into the sink, watching as the water turned scarlet. Finally he took off his mask and cap. His face was ashen.

"You ok?" Zoe asked softly, suddenly wondering if her summons to theatre was not just due to the dire situation state of the patient. Nick didn't answer, he simply reached for the tapes at the back of her gown and released them for her. "Nick?" She prompted as she peeled off the gown, folded it roughly and placed it on top of his in the sink.

This time his answer was the slightest shake of his head. Zoe reached out to him, but the way in which he tensed made her drop her arms.

"Tell me?"

Before he could answer the door of the scrub room opened and one of the local doctors came in.

"Sorry Doctor Jordan." He said holding out a small blood spattered leather bag. "When they brought him in, he asked me to give this to you."

"Thank you." Nick took the bag, with some reluctance.

"He said to tell you to take her to England?" The young doctor frowned, the message obviously lost on him. Nick simply nodded.

As the door closed behind the young doctor, Nick quickly set the bag down on the side and took a deep shuddery breath.

"The patient." He said without looking up at Zoe. "He was Azin's father."

"Nick." Zoe spoke his name quietly, stepping forward and offering her arms. This time he accepted her embrace, tucking his face into her neck, wrapping his arms tightly about her.

.

"We shouldn't tell Azin." Meyer said firmly as he came into the scrub room. "Not until she is stronger."

"I agree." Nick pulled on his professionalism like a mask. "She doesn't need to know, not yet."

"Thank you for your assistance Doctor Hanna." Meyer rinsed his gown and gloves before taking them off. "Not the outcome we had hoped for, but you worked well in difficult circumstances."

"Just like Holby ED on a Saturday night." Zoe responded with a joke, her best form of defence.

"Quite." Meyer retorted. "The sooner we are back on the shores of the Great Lakes, the better, don't you think so Mr Jordan?"

"The sooner we are out of here the better." Nick countered his argument without giving anything away. Zoe smiled, it was like a game of chess, the master and his pupil, only the gap between them had now closed.

"Do we know what the situation is with regards to supper?" Meyer asked.

"I'm sure we can find out." Nick countered, picking up Zoe's head scarf from the bench and straightening the soft silky fabric for her.


	52. Chapter 52

Supper was ready and waiting, though neither Nick nor Zoe had much appetite. They forced down their share in silence, listening to the chatter around the table but not contributing their own thoughts.

"Shall we?" Nick asked quietly as Zoe finished the last of her meal. She nodded and stacked her plate on top of his.

.

In the caverns, Azin was sleeping, Nick didn't want to disturb her, he led Zoe into her own room.

"I heard it didn't go well." Joanne said looking up with concern in her eyes.

"No, unfortunately not." Nick sighed. "How's the leg?" He changed the subject quickly.

"About the same." She grimaced as she flexed her toes. "Andy said we've had a delivery of supplies."

"Yeah." Nick ran his hand over the back of his head. "Makul brought as much as he could get from the Red Crescent Office. Not sure what he's managed to get."

"I'm going to have a wash." Zoe said, picking up her wash bag and towel, chit chat was not what either of them needed right now.

"And I need to check on Azin." Nick gave Joanne a smile. "See you in a while."

In the corridor Nick caught Zoe's hand.

"I'll just get my wash bag." He whispered in her ear. Zoe nodded and waited by the doorway as he quickly checked Azin without waking her and collected his bag and towel. Moments later they locked themselves inside the small bathroom.

"Come here." Nick breathed and wrapped his arms around Zoe, hugging her tightly.

"Are you ok?" She breathed against his cheek, adding a light kiss as a full stop.

"Yeah." He didn't sound so sure. "I will be, it just..." He shrugged. "She's all alone now, I don't think she has any other family here, and I know nothing about her mother."

"All we can do is try to respect her father's wishes." Zoe's hand skimmed up his back and settled at the base of Nick's skull.

"I know." He took a deep breath and shook his head. "Of all the men in this valley, why did it have to be him?" Nick's arms tightened about Zoe, she echoed his action, hugging him tightly, responding to his silent request. "What if we can't get her out of here?" He asked after a long pause.

"We will do our best." Zoe whispered as the sound of the trap door being opened and quiet footsteps on the ladder reached their ears. The door closed again and one of their little team walked past the door heading for the bedrooms.

"If your cousin can organise the flight." Nick breathed. "I want to get us all out of here before things get any worse."

The sound of the trap door being flung open roughly followed by a sharp voice in the local tongue made them both freeze. Makul's voice answered and his footsteps echoed along the passageway. Their words could clearly be heard, Nick was able to pick out the gist of the conversation, Makul was explaining the use of the caverns for patients who had infections.

Nick held Zoe tightly, they both flinched as the door handle was tried, Nick picked out the word 'key' from the conversation.

"Get washed. If they come in, make a fuss about covering your head and don't look at me." He breathed in Zoe's ear. "I love you." He kissed her forehead then silently stepped back from her, careful not to make the slightest sound as he flattened himself against the wall behind the door. Zoe stood frozen in terror. The voices faded as footsteps moved away. On the other side of the door all went quiet. Zoe cautiously poured a slug of water into the wash bowl, opened her wash bag and slowly washed her hands and face. She glanced at Nick, he had his head tipped back against the wall, eyes closed, one hand spread across his forehead as if shielding his eyes, his breathing was slow, silent, his broad chest hardly moving. Zoe fought to remain calm, her hearing compromised by the hammer blows of her own heartbeat.

"We have a little girl in this room, she has a very high temperature." Makul said in the local tongue as loudly as he could without sounding out of place. He took a deep breath before lifting the rug and stepping into the room. As he had hoped, it appeared that Azin was alone. The tall man followed him into the room and laid his hand on her forehead, he leaned over and asked her something in a soft voice. Azin shook her head and pointed at Makul, declaring him to be her doctor. There was no sign of Meyer, no indication that the camp beds were anything other than left over military stores, no sign that they had all been occupied.

A loud explosion, far too close for comfort, rattled the whole hospital, the down draught swept along the corridor of the caverns lifting a cloud of dust. Desperate voices called from the trapdoor and the stranger walked swiftly towards them and climbed the ladder. He dropped the trapdoor back into place with a loud clang.

Zoe's wide eyes met Nick's, the unspoken question hung between them. Were they safe? Nick lifted a finger to his lips, Zoe silently took a couple of steps towards him, his arms closed about her as she leaned against him, her arms looking about his waist, her face resting against his chest. She smiled as the beat of his heart filled her ear, much calmer than her own. His hands moved in a steady circular motion, calming, soothing, but they both knew they were far from safe.


	53. Chapter 53

"That was too close for comfort." Meyer said with an unusual flash of emotion in his eyes. They were all standing in the girl's bedroom, it had been almost an hour since the Taliban had left the hospital, but nerves were still frayed.

"I wouldn't be certain he believed everything I told him." Makul ran a hand over his face. "I'm sure they suspect we are hiding something."

"The man who was with Azin's father when he came in earlier." Nick spoke softly, his tone edged with caution. "He saw me, he heard my name, could it be a coincidence that their house was targeted?"

"I doubt it." Makul shook his head. "If they know you are here they could come back and search more thoroughly.."

"Any word from India?" Zoe asked.

"Not yet, there's a phone at the hospital in Asadabad, I could drive down there and put a call through, but you never know who might be listening on the line."

"Too risky." Nick assessed the situation quickly. "We don't want to loose any potential escape route."

"I agree." Meyer cast his eyes in a slow sweep around the gathered group. "We've waited this long, if there is any chance of a medivac flight, we can not jeopardise that." It was an impossible situation. "We should get some rest and wait to see what tomorrow brings."

"Azin should go back up to the ward." Meyer said softly. "She's stable again and the night staff can keep watch over her." He offered a grim smile. "They'll bury her father tomorrow, we don't know if the locals will come to visit her, they may well want to, and we don't want hoards of people tramping down here, the fewer people know about this place, the better."

"I'm going to have to tell her about her father first thing." Nick said with a heavy heart. "No need for her to worry overnight."

"It's best that she knows." Zoe agreed.

"I just wish she was a bit stronger."

"A good night's sleep will do her and us the world of good." Meyer said firmly.

.

Six hours later Nick had hardly had any sleep. He lay on his back on the camp bed, hands behind his head, eyes closed, ears alert, his mind spinning through all the possibilities of how they could escape this valley. Dawn would be breaking soon and he would have to tell Azin the awful news, it was bad enough that she had already lost one parent, but to loose her father too. Nick was dreading her reaction.

A few minutes later the sound of footsteps in the ward above alerted him that dawn had now broken, without a sound he slipped out of bed and stuck his boots on his feet, pausing only to tuck the loose ends of the laces inside, not bothering to fasten them. He was about to head out of the room when the most dreadful wailing sound began in the ward above. Nick stood motionless, listening intently, trying to decipher the situation. His doctor's instinct to offer help battled with common sense which instructed him to remain concealed.

"What's going on?" Meyer whispered as he stepped up to Nick's side, receiving only a shrug in reply. The wailing stopped as suddenly as it began, being replaced by the sound of a child crying


	54. Chapter 54

"Have you got her?" The young doctor passed the sobbing bundle of blankets down to Nick as he stood on the bottom step of the ladder.

"Shhh, I've got you now." He breathed, hugging Azin tightly against his chest. He knew his words would hardly be heard, she was in such a state. For the fifth time in as many minutes he cursed himself for not breaking the news to her himself, though he doubted her reaction would have been any different, had the news come from him rather than from one of her neighbours. He knew he was being too protective of her, getting too close to her, it wasn't often he had found the patient doctor boundary beginning to blur, but this was no ordinary situation, he had risked everything for this child and he had no idea why, but in his heart it seemed as though every risk was acceptable.

"They've taken her father to prepare him for burial." the young doctor said quietly. Nick nodded, there was nothing more they could do for him, it was best his friends take over to bid him farewell. Nick's attention had to be focused on Azin now, though he was no clearer on how they might engineer a passage to India and on to England as her father had requested. He carried her to his room, sat down on his bed and cradled her in his arms until the violent sobs began to subside.

Some minutes later, Zoe stepped into the room and stood in silence, transfixed by the sight of Nick comforting the child, the tumble of mixed emotions served only to unsettle her further.

"You ok?" Nick mouthed at her. Zoe nodded and bounced the question back at him. In reply he patted the bed at his side, indicating she should join him. As she settled against him and gazed down at Azin, he draped one arm about her shoulders, forcing a small smile as she rested her arm across her own chest and took hold of his hand. Azin was snuggled into him, one hand firmly grasping the fabric of his shirt, the other curled into a fist, thumb firmly in her mouth.

.

"We'd better get her back to the ward and you need something to eat" Meyer prompted as he returned from breakfast. "It's all quiet at the moment."

"Sure." Nick ran his hand across Zoe's shoulders as she lifted her head from his chest. He gathered Azin in his arms. "Come on then Az, let's get you settled."

"I want to stay with you." She sniffed, tugging on his shirt.

"I know." He brushed her cheek with the back of one finger. "I've got work to do, but I won't be far away."

"Promise?" She pleaded. Nick nodded and supported her slight weight on one arm as he got to his feet.

The unmistakable smell of breakfast drifted down as the trapdoor was opened. Nick settled Azin on his hip, her arms looped about his neck as he climbed the metal ladder up into the hospital.

"Would you like to have breakfast in the Doctor's dinning room?" He asked raising one eyebrow at her.

"Can I?" Her expression brightened.

"Special treat." Nick smiled at Zoe as she gathered the loose end of Azin's brightly coloured blanket and tucked it under Nick's wrist. "Will you join us?" He asked Zoe.

Nick settled Azin on the bench beside Zoe, then crossed the room to collect three mugs and a pot of tea then three bowls of Haleem. He set them on the table and stepped over the bench to sit beside Azin. Zoe poured the tea and drank a mug full before reluctantly tasting the Haleem, although she didn't feel as queasy as yesterday, the food was far from appealing. Nick gave her a concerned look and refilled her mug, Zoe forced a slight smile, as she took a gulp of tea, Nick reached behind Azin to rub Zoe's back.

"Thanks." She breathed.

"You ok?" He mouthed, settling his hand on her shoulder, the concern in his dark eyes only serving to heighten Zoe's tangle of raw emotions. She laid her hand over his, took a deep breath then nodded. Nick put a big spoonful of the sludgy porridge into his own mouth and pulled a face of disgust at Zoe, making her laugh. Azin looked up at him, catching him blowing out his cheeks and rolling his eyes.

"Don't you like it Doctor Nick?" She asked.

"No, not really." He admitted with a laugh after swallowing quickly to avoid either choking or spitting it across the table.

"It's not very nice." Azin made a fair attempt at coping Nick's previous expression then stuck her tongue out. "Do we have to eat it?" She asked.

"Eat some of it." Nick prompted without hesitation. He took another spoonful and made a joke of eating it.


	55. Chapter 55

The sound of a vehicle in the yard drew Nick's eyes to the window as he settled Azin into the ward. It wasn't the usual local truck or small car, but a rather smart white van with red writing on the side, as it turned, a large red crescent came into view. Zoe had seen it too, her eyes met his with an anxious look.

"Right Azin, you stay there and be good, while I go and do some work." He whispered quickly, leaning over he placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Our secret, remember." He added, his eyes flicking to Zoe. "Right." He said firmly, leading her out of the ward and along the corridor. They had barely reached the door to the offices when the main doors opened and two strangers walked in.

The rapidly approaching footsteps sent a ripple of panic through Nick's veins. He had developed an uncanny knack of sensing impending doom. He grasped Zoe's hand and dragged her into the store room. As he closed the door he heard the double doors of the passageway open. Nick's arms snaked around Zoe, holding her tightly in silence as the strangers walked past.

"Dr Makul Bala?" The question barely carried to their ears, but it was enough to ease the tension a little.

"Through here." One of the local doctors replied, another door was opened and then closed.

Nick felt Zoe heave as if she was about to throw up, she rapidly freed herself from his tight embrace and took a few gulps of air, pressing her hand to her mouth as she fought the wave sickness.

"Zo?" He asked quietly, grabbing a bed pan from the shelf.

"Sorry." She gasped. "That breakfast and all this." She waved a hand at the door. "It's a bit..."

"I know." He rubbed her back gently.

"I'm ok now." She insisted, though he didn't believe her. Zoe snaked her arms around his waist and pressed her face to his chest, breathing in the familiar smell of him, wishing it wasn't tinged with the lingering smell of breakfast and the faint scent of the rather tatty blanket Azin had brought from her home. Without a sound Nick set the bedpan back on the shelf and closed his arms gently about her. They stood in silence waiting for any indication that it was safe to leave the cupboard.

.

"So the plan is," Makul paused and took a deep breath, they were gathered in the caverns, Nick, Zoe, Meyer, Andy and Joanne. "I am to drive Azin to the airstrip, Zoe, Joanne you will accompany me."

"What if we get stopped at a checkpoint?" Joanne asked anxiously.

"Our cover story is that you have been badly burned." Makul said without a hint of emotion. "We'll bandage your face, if we are stopped we will cover your eyes too. They'll know we are transferring you and Azin to another hospital, that should be enough to reach the main road, it's not far to the old airstrip from there, we'll just have to get our timing right and make a dash for it."

"Will it work?" Joanne asked fearfully.

"We evacuated a patient through there a few years ago, though the American's were still operating from the airstrip then." Makul added. "The rest of you will go with Kamyar on foot." He his gaze drifted from Nick to Mayer then to Andy. "It's a difficult walk, but he's an excellent guide, he grew up in these mountains and assures me he can get you through to the airstrip under the cover of darkness." His words were met with silence. "The aircraft will land at first light, the time on the ground needs to be kept to a minimum, once he comes into land the Taliban will know he is there. A rapid take off will be essential."

Zoe's eyes met Nick's, neither of them liked the plan, but what choice did they have?


	56. Chapter 56

"I don't like it." Zoe's worries were written all over her face as she watched Nick unpack his rucksack.

"Neither do I, but it's the only option." Nick sorted through the array of items he had tipped onto his bed. "We've no choice but to go along with it."

"I know." She whispered, she sat down on the camp bed, toying with a pair of hiking socks, her eyes flicking to Meyer as he sorted through his own belongings.

"I'll put those on." Nick said forcing a smile. He sorted through his belongings, repacking only the essentials.

"Do you have your passport?" Zoe asked suddenly, wondering if she could pass for her cousin's wife under close scrutiny. "Will we need them when we land in India?"

"I guess we will." Nick held his up then replaced it in the zipped pocket.

"What about Azin?" Zoe asked quietly. "What do we do about papers for the medivac?"

"I have her documents." Meyer spoke softly. "They were in the bag her father gave us."

"So we can get clearance to take her back to Britain." Nick's tone was filled with relief.

"That will not be an issue." Meyer said as he reached for the leather bag and took out a bundle of papers.

"British!" Zoe gasped as Meyer held up the passport. As he opened it and read the details, a strange look came over his face.

"She was born in Newcastle." He said with undue emphasis on the name of the city, he lifted something from the page and then flicked through the other pages as though searching for any other inserts.

"Well, that makes things easier." Nick replied.

"Mmmm." Meyer said, an uneasy frown settling on his features. "Her father told me sometime ago that she was born in Britain." Meyer admitted. "He also told me," he continued before Nick could make any comment, "that her mother named her after someone she knew in England." The gravitas he gave the statement, seemed substantially more than was required.

"Oh?" Nick paused, frowned and turned to look at his mentor.

"I think you should take a look at this." Meyer held out the passport.

The colour drained from Nick's face as his eyes scanned the identification page.

"Nicola Azin …. Newburn?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"And there is this." Meyer held up a well worn photograph of a woman with a baby in her arms and a folded document. Nick took them from him and quickly sat down on the bed without bothering to move the scatter of clothing out of the way.

"Who is it?" Zoe prompted after a long moment of uncomfortable silence, during which Nick's eyes remained fixed on the image. He ran his thumb tenderly over the picture.

"She's my wife." He breathed without looking up.


	57. Chapter 57

"Your wife?" Zoe gasped as the foundations of her world were shaken by his words.

"Ex-wife." Meyer corrected. "She was a nurse at Holby." He provided for Zoe's benefit.

"How long have you known?" Nick stuttered.

"About Karen?" Meyer prompted. "Just now, I hadn't opened any of the documents before. I had only checked that the passport was in the bag."

"Right." Nick laid the photograph on his knee and unfolded the document. It was a death certificate, the writing difficult to read, but he already knew most of the details. The date caught his attention, made his heart skip a beat and his voice catch in his throat. "She died the same day as Yvonne."

He handed the document to Zoe, accepting the comforting touch of her hand on his back.

"There are a few other things here." Meyer took a handful of papers out of the bag along with two SD cards.

"Zoe, you take them." Nick said suddenly, refolding the certificate. "With you and Azin, in the car."

"Of course." Zoe took the documents from him, he didn't need to voice the reasons why. Meyer simply nodded and replaced the items in the bag before handing it over.

.

"Nick?" Zoe questioned softly a few moments after Meyer had left them alone.

"I'm ok." He insisted, running a hand over the back of his head the way he always did when things were difficult.

"I know you are." Zoe breathed, they both knew neither statement was the truth.

"Karen's daughter." He breathed with a half laugh. "Of all the coincidences in all the world." He shook his head. "We have to take her home, Zoe." His tone was suddenly very serious.

(Thanks for reading and commenting, hope everyone's still enjoying it.)


	58. Chapter 58

In the inky darkness of the Afghan night, the path snaked endlessly up the mountainside. The small group walked slowly, silently, knowing every footstep might reveal their presence. They had been climbing steadily for over an hour when they reached a fork in the path. At the head of the column Kamyar paused, allowing the others to catch up. Nick looked back at the valley, the narrow river was clearly visible, a line of silver in the pale moonlight. He had to search for the low outline of the hospital buildings, it took him a moment to locate them. He knew that he would never see them again. For a moment he imagined Zoe, nervously waiting to set out on her journey homewards. Leaving her had been difficult; she had been unusually emotional and her mood had rubbed off onto him. They had said goodbye so many times over the years, but no parting had seemed so final as it had tonight.

The group was ready to go, Nick took a final look at the hospital below then turned to follow his guide along the narrow path, they crested a small ridge and stepped carefully down the other side. There was no point in looking back now, the hospital was hidden from view.

Three hundred feet below the ridge, Zoe sat on Nick's bare camp bed in the caverns. He had taken his sleeping bag as one of the few essentials for the long trek. They both hoped he wouldn't need it. The thought of missing the rendezvous with the aircraft filled them both with terror. The mountains were dangerous, Kamyar may know the way, but he couldn't possibly know how many insurgents lay in hiding amongst the rocks and caverns.

Zoe had hated to let Nick go. She closed her eyes and recalled the feel of his safe arms about her. She tried not to think about where he was now, somewhere out there in the darkness of the mountains. She turned her thoughts to the other occasions they had had to say goodbye, in the safety of Holby, in the knowledge that they would speak on the telephone soon. The first time he had left, they had parted with just an exchange of a few words, he had been back within hours. The next time had been more difficult, neither had known what to say, he'd slipped away without actually saying farewell. Zoe thought about his operation, all the complexities that had brought to their lives, though she had no regrets about forging his signature. Then there had been Yvonne. Zoe could recall every word she had said to Nick as they had waited for her to be loaded into the helicopter. For all the pain and tears, they had spoken on the phone later that evening and almost every day until he had returned to work. Then there had been the night he had handed her the office keys and walked out of the pub. So many long nights she had drawn strength from the few stolen moments in his arms in the darkness beside his car. It had been almost two years before she had seen him again, but he had returned to her. Tonight as they had embraced one last time in the hospital corridor, it had been so different, she cut her thoughts before they reached the obvious conclusion..

Zoe toyed with the soft fabric of one of the shirts Nick had left behind. She lifted it to her face, it smelt like him. She brushed away a tear, stripped off her tunic, pulled on Nick's shirt then replaced the tunic over it.


	59. Chapter 59

Nick zipped up his fleece and jacket, he was feeling the cold now that the long walk was over. It had been far from easy, endless hours of climbing then descending on rough narrow paths relying more on feel than sight in the darkness. The little group were currently huddled against a rocky outcrop a hundred feet or so above the point where the gates of the airstrip had once stood. Dawn was just beginning to colour the sky to the east, the landscape being revealed in shades of deep grey where moments ago there had been only darkness. The airstrip was a tiny stretch of flat earth on the banks of the river, the road ran between it and the water, Nick knew very little about light aircraft, helicopters were more his thing, but it was obvious that it would take a very skilled pilot to land and take off again in this terrain.

The sound of a distant engine cut through the silence, setting nerves on edge. It was drawing closer, heading towards them from the north. Not the aircraft but a car, heading along the road in the opposite direction to that Makul would be driving. The headlights swept back and forth as the road meandered to echo the path of the river.

Nick pressed his back into his ruck sack against the rocks, tensing the muscles of his legs as he hugged his knees to his chest. He had begun to shiver, he wasn't convinced it was completely due to the low temperatures. The sound of a second engine reached his ears, this time approaching from the south, he peered over the boulder strewn slope, catching sight of the familiar scruffy Landrover.

The other car, a small dark coloured hatch back, had slowed as it drew level with the entrance to the airfield. Nick held his breath, praying that it wasn't about to stop and challenge Makul. As he watched he realised that the road was barely wide enough for the two vehicles to pass, it was simply slowing down to pull over. A wave of relief swept over him. The swoop of a large bird distracted him and he glanced up at the sky, taking in the delicate shades of the dawn. In his peripheral vision, another light flashed, brighter, deeper shades of red, orange and yellow. A second later the blast of an explosion hit him, the force of it knocking him sideways.

.

Nick shook off the dust and scatter of small rocks, the effect of the concussion and the weight of his rucksack upset his balance as he pushed himself up. The world spun as he registered movement amongst his own group, his head hurt, he blinked dust from his eyes and reeled inside as he took in the scene below.

.

Nick had no recollection of running down the steep boulder strewn slope of the mountainside, he had no idea how his jelly like legs coped with the slippery scree and sparse scrub, but somehow he found himself kneeling at the roadside.


	60. Chapter 60

His hands grasped the buckled rear doors of the Landrover, the inhuman strength of desperation wrenched them open. The vehicle was lying on its side, by some miracle the engine was still running, the occupants hanging by their seat belts.

"Zoe!" He breathed, his heart hammering, his blood whistling past his ears, he dropped his rucksack and clambered into the boot space. He had barely glanced at the scorched hole and smouldering blackened lumps that had once been a section of road and a small hatchback car. There was nothing anyone could do for them.

"Nick!" Her voice was a gasp. He was behind her in an instant, supporting her head with one hand, his eyes rapidly scanning over every inch of her. At Zoe's side Azin stared up at him with wide fear filled eyes, she reached out and grasped his wrist.

"It's ok." He said more for his own benefit than theirs. "Are you ok?" His eyes flicked from Zoe to Azin and back again. Zoe offered a half nod in reply, which only served to raise Nick's level of concern. His vision was swimming, his ears filled with a noise he knew wasn't really there, the after effects of the concussion wave. Logic told him that everyone in the Landrover would have caught the effects of the blast too, though he hoped that in rolling the vehicle the wave would have been diminished. Nick blinked hard and fought to focus his eyes, checking Zoe and Azin for any trace of blood, any sign of trauma. Zoe reached up and brushed a droplet of blood from his forehead, he hadn't given any thought to his own appearance, covered in dust, bleeding from a small gash at his hairline, exhausted by the excursion of the mountain paths, he probably looked in a worse state than they did.

In the front seat Makul was fighting to free himself from his seat belt, he grasped the grab handle and managed to take his weight off the strap long enough to release the button. In an instant he had spun around in his seat.

"Is everyone ok?" He gasped. "Joanne?" He questioned, as she hung her head, lying motionless.

"That bloody hurts." She hissed through clenched teeth, holding her injured leg with both hands.

"Zoe? Azin?" He turned some more and saw that Nick was in the back of the vehicle, Zoe nodded in reply. "We have to get out of here." Makul said firmly, looking up as Andy appeared at the broken windscreen and assessed the situation quickly then clambered up onto the side of the truck.

.

High above the light aircraft circled.


	61. Chapter 61

"Can we get it back on its wheels?" Makul asked desperately as he kicked out the windscreen and clambered through the hole he had made. "We have to get onto the airfield before that lands!"

Nick squeezed Zoe's shoulder and winked reassuringly at Azin before sliding out of the vehicle. He took his place beside Meyer and the five men rocked the Landrover until they gained enough momentum to tip it over. It landed with a loud thumff causing the engine to cough and the passengers still strapped in the back seat to cry out.

"Get in." Makul ordered as he wrenched open the driver's door and retook his seat. Nick flung his rucksack into the boot and scrambled in on top of it, taking a firm grasp of a grab handle with one hand and resting the other on Zoe's shoulder. Andy and Meyer squashed into the front seat and Kamyar clambered into the boot with Nick. "Hold on tight." Makul instructed as he crunched the gears and the vehicle lurched forwards. The battered Landrover rocked and yawed, over the last few hundred yards of rough ground. Zoe watched fearfully as the little plane circled lower then began a final approach to the dusty strip.

By the time they reached the end of the faded markings at the edge of the runway, the plane had touched down. It slowed as it approached the extent of the runway, turned around and headed towards them. There was no time to stand on ceremony. The doors of the old Landrover were flung open, Nick leaned over the back seat and released the seatbelts then Andy and Meyer dragged Joanne out of the back door, supporting her between them. Makul offered a steadying hand to Zoe and Azin scooted out unassisted, dragging her brightly coloured blanket with her. Nick swept her into his arms, making sure Makul was helping Zoe.

"Good luck!" Kamyar yelled as they hobbled to the waiting aircraft.

"I think we owe the Red Crescent a Landrover." Meyer said as he claimed the co-pilot's seat and closed the aircraft door. "I will take care of that." He promised.

"Are you ok?" Nick asked Zoe as she flopped into a seat and he placed Azin beside her. He dropped his rucksack onto the floor in front of the seats.

"A bit winded." Zoe forced a smile.

"Quickly." The pilot prompted, giving Joanne an anxious look as she took up two seats with her plaster cast. Andy squeezed into the seat beside her and Makul took the last one. Nick lifted Azin with one arm and slid into the seat placing her on his knee then slamming the door. "All here?" The pilot asked.

"Let's go." Meyer instructed as he scanned his eyes over each member of the group. The aircraft accelerated rapidly and took to the sky, climbing steeply, making ears pop as it headed up the valley and continued to climb until they had cleared the mountaintops.

Far below Kamyar coaxed the seriously wounded Landrover back onto the road and limped slowly towards the town.

Zoe leaned against Nick and closed her eyes.


	62. Chapter 62

The flight was far longer than any of them had expected, the pilot taking a looping flight path far to the north, avoiding the most dangerous places before heading south into Indian air space. It was cold at altitude in the small craft. Nick managed to unfasten his sleeping bag from the straps of his back pack and spread it over Zoe and Azin, he unzipped his jacket, letting the youngster snuggle against him for warmth. He smiled as Zoe placed her hand against his chest, seeking warmth and the security of being close to him. Nick laid his hand over hers, fingers entwining, he placed a kiss to the top of her head then let his head fall back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

The sun was warm through the glass as they headed over lush green mountains. In the distance the peaks were snow capped. Zoe peered out of the window, a slow smile spreading across her face, this was familiar territory. She looked up at Nick, he had his head tilted back against the headrest, his eyes closed, his breathing told her he was not fully asleep but she was content not to disturb him. Snuggled against his chest, her thumb in her mouth, Azin was asleep. For the rest of the flight Zoe's attention alternated between the beauty of the mountains and the delicious sight of Nick so relaxed yet so protective of the child.

.

As the aircraft began to descend, Azin let out a cry and pressed her hands over her ears.

"Suck your thumb." Nick suggested softly, lifting her to a sitting position. "Swallowing will help."

"It hurts." She looked up at him with wide eyes.

"I know, won't be long and we will be on the ground." He soothed her, exchanging a look with Zoe.

"There's the airport." Zoe pointed it out, trying to distract attention from the earache. "How many planes can you see?"

"Thank you." Nick mouthed as Azin took an interest in their surroundings and Zoe pointed out familiar landmarks. He forced his own ears to pop and stretched his jaw. The headache he had had since the concussion wave hit him was still pounding and the lack of sleep coupled with the relief of surviving the roadside bomb were beginning to lull him into a dangerous calmness. He fought the fuzziness and tried to concentrate on what Zoe was saying. He knew all too well that giving in to the feeling of safety before the journey was over was one of the worst things he could do.

Before long the little aircraft made a slightly bumpy landing on the solid runway and taxied towards the buildings. The pilot opened his window, letting a rush of warm humid air into the cabin as they turned into the wind and after a short while came to a halt beside a low wooden building.

It was quite a walk to the customs house, Nick shouldered his back pack, clipping the weight baring belt about his hips, he wrapped the sleeping bag around Azin and settled her on his hip, leaving one hand free to enclose Zoe's. The blisters from the long trek were very evident as his feet hit the hard concrete and his left knee was stiff and sore, but he made no comment, simply followed their pilot and Meyer as they headed across the apron, leaving Andy and Makul to help Joanne.

Zoe squeezed Nick's hand and looked up at him with a smile, all the discomfort was worth it, they were together and they were safe.

The customs appeared at first to be quite a relaxed affair, Nick sat Azin on the high counter, keeping a protective arm about her whilst leaning on the cream painted wood for support. Meyer had taken charge and Nick was happy to let him do so. Andy rubbed Joanne's shoulders, they had found her a wheelchair which relieved some of the discomfort. Zoe stood slightly behind Makul, her face concealed by her head scarf. The uniformed officer checked through the handful of passports, calling Makul forward first, speaking to him in his native tongue, he examined the two Indian passports, gave Zoe the most cursory of glances, nodded and handed the documents to Makul.

Nick gave Zoe an anxious glance as she tightened her headscarf and followed Makul, vanishing through the double doors which separated them from the safety of India.


	63. Chapter 63

The official selected the three British passports and opened them, reading the details of each carefully.

"Anton Meyer?" He asked giving Meyer a piercing stare.

"That's right."

"You are a surgeon?" He questioned.

"A cardio-thoracic surgeon." Meyer corrected without a flicker.

"I see." The officer remained firm and checked through the remaining pages of the passport. "You have been in America a long time."

"That is where my work takes me." Meyer stated.

"I see." The officer said again then set down Meyer's passport on the desk. Meyer remained impassive.

"Nicolo Jordan, I presume." The officer squinted at the photograph of Nick in his passport.

"Correct." Nick rubbed Azin's back as she turned quickly to look at him, an unspoken question poised on her lips.

"And you must be Nicola?" The officer's expression softened as he looked at Azin.

"Only my Mam called me Nicola." Azin told him, the way she said Mam was laden with the deep tones of a Geordie accent, her hand tightening to a fist about a handful of Nick's shirt. "I am Azin." The officer rechecked the name on the passport and nodded.

"And what is your relationship to this child?" He asked, the smile fading as he transferred his gaze to Nick.

"She's my patient." He stated simply. "Mr Meyer and I flew out to Afghanistan to perform a heart operation, she needs post operative care which the hospital in her home town is ill equipped to provide."

"I see." The officer said turning his attention to the medivac papers. He read every line with infuriating slowness.

.

On the other side of the door Zoe stood at Makul's side, glancing anxiously around the small arrivals lounge.

"Why is it taking so long?" She asked in a hushed whisper.


	64. Chapter 64

"There's Sajan!" Makul exclaimed with a broad grin as he spotted his older brother through the plate glass windows of the terminal building. Zoe forced a smile and waved though she didn't feel the same elation at the sight of him, her attention was firmly on the man who was still being questioned on the other side of the doors.

It seemed like forever until the doors opened and Meyer strode into the arrivals lounge with his ruck sack over one shoulder. Nick followed a few strides behind, limping slightly with Azin perched on his hip, his open ruck sack in the opposite hand. Zoe abandoned almost all pretence of being Makul's wife and rushed to his side. She took the back pack from him, wincing slightly as she lifted it.

"You ok?" She questioned, he looked a little shell shocked.

"I am now we're through here." He breathed, setting one foot on the seat of one of the chairs, giving more support to Azin as she rested on his knee. "Could you fasten that back up for me?" He requested. "Shove this inside." He added as he disentangled the child from the sleeping bag and handed it to Zoe. He caught the slight pained expression as she set about the task.

"Zo?" He asked softly.

"I'm fine." She insisted, something in her tone told him it was a lie. "Sajan has the ambulance waiting outside."

"Ok." He breathed, resting a hand on her shoulder,silently letting her know that he understood. "As soon as Andy and Joanne get through here, we'll be on our way." He smiled at Azin. "Why don't we all sit down to wait?"

.

"Doctor Nick?" Azin asked after a few minutes. "Is your name really Nicolo?"

"Yes it is." He watched the flicker of puzzlement in her expression.

"My first name is Nicola." She told him.

"I know." He glanced at Zoe.

"Does your Mam live in Italy?" Azin asked.

"She used to, but now she lives in England."

"My Mam was from England." Azin continued. "Did you know her?" The direct question threw Nick, for a moment he was unsure how to answer.

"Yes." He decided honesty was the best policy. "Yes, I did know your mother. A long long time ago."

"Oh." Azin paused, studying Nick's face as she worked through the information. "I was named after a man called Nicolo." She told him with a seriousness that belonged to someone twice her age. "Is it you?" Nick nodded swiftly, her emotionally loaded question robbing him of his voice. "Good." Azin said simply and flung her arms about his neck, squeezing tightly and burying her face in the curve of his shoulder. His hands moved automatically to her back.

Zoe reached out and placed her hand on Nick's arm, her dark eyes meeting his. Nick smiled, a full broad grin, that was one potentially difficult conversation dealt with in a way he had never imagined.


	65. Chapter 65

The ambulance that waited outside was more of a minibus than a ambulance. Nick stood back, Azin perched on his hip, Zoe at his side as Sajan, Makul and Andy settled Joanne into the vehicle and provided painkillers and pillows. Mayer accepted the task of loading the scant luggage and smiled reassuringly at Azin.

"How long is the journey?" He asked as he accepted a bottle of water from Sajan.

"A couple of hours." Sajan replied as he handed out the rest of the water. Azin struggled with the bottle top then handed it to Nick.

"Drink it slowly." He told her as he handed it back. He didn't take his own advice but gulped down almost half a bottle in one go.

Zoe settled into the aisle seat of the three towards the back of the vehicle, encouraging Azin to relinquish her tight hold of Nick and sit in the centre seat, leaving the window seat for Nick. Zoe took his jacket from him and separated out the fleece. She rolled it into a sausage and handed it to him.

"Put it against the glass." She instructed.

"Thanks." He breathed, following her instructions, glad of the padding between his tired shoulder and the hot window. Zoe fished in Nick's rucksack and found his washbag, took out his flannel and poured a little of her drinking water on to it."Let me clean you up a bit." She offered. Without a word he leaned over, letting her wipe the dust and dried blood from his face and neck. "Better?" she asked. Nick nodded. "Get some rest." Zoe instructed. "Azin and I are fine, aren't we?"

"Fine." Azin echoed, looking up at Zoe, she looked much brighter now, where as Nick looked drained.

"Thanks." He squeezed Zoe's hand then settled back for the long journey.

For a short time Nick listened to Zoe's commentary as she she pointed things out to Azin, he gave up the battle with his eyelids and gradually sleep overtook him.

(Thanks for reading)


	66. Chapter 66

The temperature dropped as the ambulance gained altitude, the roads becoming more twisty as they snaked up the foothills of the Himalayas. The change disturbed Nick's sleep, he was vaguely aware of Zoe spreading his jacket over him, covering him from mid thighs to mid chest.

Full consciousness only returned as the vehicle came to a halt at a road junction in a small town.

"Almost there." Zoe said softly, tucking his jacket tighter about him as he stretched.

"Look Doctor Nick!" Azin was wide awake and enthusiastic. "Its so beautiful."

Her assessment of their surroundings was completely accurate, the town was made up of colonial style buildings, painted in bright colours surrounded by lush greenery, the whole scene topped off by the distant snow capped peaks of the mountains.

"It is beautiful." Nick agreed instantly catching Azin's infectious smile, a smile that reminded him sharply of Karen.

"The hospital is just up there." Zoe pointed along the road ahead which climbed through open fields, in the distance stood a stout old fashioned building with wide verandas that screamed of its colonial roots. "How are you feeling?" She directed the question at Nick.

"Better." His eyes met hers, finding in them a spark he had not seen since he had left Holby.

"You?" He questioned, laying one arm across the back of Azin's seat, letting his hand drape over Zoe's shoulder.

"Tired, but good." She laid her hand over his, smiling as Azin looked up at her.

There was something secure, comforting and very British about the old hospital. The driveway split around a circular grassy lawn, the main entrance was shaded by a low portico. It reminded Nick of the hospital his mother had taken him to as a child when he had fallen off his bike and sprained his wrist.

"Here we are." Zoe beamed at Azin. "We'll soon have you settled in."

"Will you be staying here too?" Azin asked, suddenly worried that she might be about to be abandoned.

"Of course." Zoe reassured her. "Doctor Nick and I will still be keeping an eye on you. Is that ok?"

"Good." Azin turned to look at Nick.

"Don't worry, we'll never be far away." He winked at her. "Let's get you inside."

.

The ward was light and airy, and gave the distinct appearance of having stepped back in time by about 40 years. Nick took in the old fashioned beds, the chalk boards for the patient's and doctor's names, the sun faded multicoloured curtains and the crisp white sheets. His experienced eye also took in every detail of the medical equipment, though much of it was old, it was adequate and the odd newer piece was hiding discreetly amongst it. It was a million miles from the hospital they had left behind.

The nurses welcomed them and before long Azin was allocated a bed and her scant possessions installed in the bedside locker.

"We will take you for a bath." The nurse told her.

"Doctor Nick?" She questioned anxiously.

"It will be fine." Nick reassured her. "They will take care of you."

"But, can't you or Zoe?" She begged. Nick dropped to a crouch beside her bed.

"We need to get cleaned up too." He told her. "You let the nurses give you a bath and we'll be back to see you before you know it."

"Ok." She didn't sound too sure. "Do I have to stay in bed?"

"It's been a long day." Nick said gently. "None of us got much sleep. Have a bath, get into bed and I'll come and say goodnight before I got to bed, how's that?"

"You won't forget to come back?" She looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"How could I forget?" He grinned at her. "You're my one and only patient in this hospital. You'll be sick of the sight of me before long."

"I didn't expect that." Zoe whispered as she and Nick stepped out of the ward.

"It's very different here, it will take her a while to adjust." Nick took a deep breath.

"She seemed so self confident in the ambulance." Zoe noted.

"She's had our undivided attention for the last few days, she's bound to get attached." Nick ran a hand over his face.

"Ah Zoe, there you are." Sajan said as he appeared from a doorway. "I've put Mr Meyer and Dr Levine in our guest rooms, will you and Mr Jordan be all right in Grandpa's house?"

"Absolutely." Zoe assured him

"It's been empty for a while, but I've had fresh linen and towels and a few provisions sent over." Sajan continued. "Is there anything you need?"

"A shower, a comfortable bed and a good night's sleep." Zoe laughed.

"Let me know if you think of anything else." Sajan handed her a bunch of keys. "Do you remember the way?"

"Engrained in my memory for ever." Zoe replied.


	67. Chapter 67

"I used to spend holidays here as a child." Zoe told Nick as she led him along a covered pathway between hospital buildings. Instead of entering the eastern wing, she opened a door and led him along a winding path through well kept gardens. Grandpa's house was built in the same style as the hospital. Zoe took Nick's hand as they walked through the private garden and up the steps of the veranda. "It hasn't changed one bit." Zoe unlocked the double wooden doors and led the way into a cool elegant foyer, which looked to Nick more like a film set than someone's home. "Come through." Zoe led him into a large farmhouse style kitchen. "Cup of tea?" she asked, picking up the kettle as though they had just walked into her apartment.

"Please." Nick set his rucksack on the tiled floor and let his eyes wander over the room. This room did look like a home and Zoe obviously felt at home. She filled the kettle and opened a cupboard filled with china teacups, saucers, bowls and plates. An old large American style refrigerator stood at the end of the counter, beside it the door to a utility room stood open, revealing a washing machine and a shower cubicle. Nick took a seat at the broad pine kitchen table, watching Zoe as she made a pot of tea then struggled to open a carton of milk. "Let me." Nick offered.

.

As they waited for the tea to brew, Zoe searched in her bag, finally locating her phone charger, she plugged it in to the wall. Nick got to his feet and wandered over to the french windows, he braced one hand against the frame and looked out over the landscape. Everything was so green, so peaceful, he still couldn't believe he was standing here.

"Nick?" Zoe said quietly, he turned to look at her, finding her holding up her phone, the electronic click told him she had taken a photo. "Hold it there." She requested, framing up another shot.

"We should take one of both of us." He suggested, taking the phone from her, pressing his cheek to hers and adopting a silly grin as he held it at arms length and pressed the shutter. "Again." This time he lined up the shot, then turned his eyes from the lens to look at Zoe. "Zo?" He asked, pressing the shutter as she looked at him. He checked the image, smiling as it appeared on the screen, then took one of Zoe standing by the kitchen counter. "I want a copy of those." He told her as he handed the phone back.

As Zoe switched off the camera mode, the familiar sound of a text notification filled the room, followed by another and then another and another.

"I'd better charge mine up too." Nick lifted his rucksack onto one of the chairs and began to search through it.

"From Charlie and Tess and Linda and Charlie again, and again." Zoe grinned. "We'd better let them know we are ok." She paused, falling silent for a long moment. "We are ok? Aren't we Nick?" She asked softly. He set his phone down on the table and closed the distance between them.

"Of course we are." He breathed as he enclosed her in his arms.

"I know." Zoe said with a sigh. "I'm just exhausted, that's all."

"Cup of tea, a shower and bed." Nick said firmly. "Doctor's orders."

"What about Charlie?" Zoe asked. In reply, Nick picked up her phone and typed in a reply 'In India, with Nick, all fine. Zoe.' He held it up for her to read.

"Is that ok?" He asked

"Perfect." Zoe laid her hand over his as he pressed send then switched off the phone.

"Tea, shower and sleep!" He repeated his prescription, signing it with a gentle kiss.


	68. Chapter 68

Nick couldn't sleep. The shower he had taken after Zoe had had hers, only served to wash away the drowsiness, leaving behind the headache. Zoe was sleeping soundly, curled on her side beneath the crisp white linen. He watched her for a short while then crept downstairs. His phone was only partly charged, but he disconnected it from the power and slipped it into his pocket before letting himself out of the grand old house and heading back to the hospital.

At the door of Azin's ward he peered through the porthole window, she was lying in bed looking a little sorry for herself. Her expression changed as he pushed open the door.

"Doctor Nick!" She struggled to sit up and held out her arms to him.

"How was your bath?" He asked.

"Good." She replied as Nick took his phone out of his pocket.

"Well, now that you and I are both a little more presentable, I'm going to take a couple of photos of us, ok?"

"Ok." Azin didn't sound so sure, but she soon relaxed when Nick perched on the bed beside her and held up the phone.

"Can you see us in the little mirror?" He asked, waiting for her reply before he pressed the shutter.

"Let me do that for you." One of the nurses offered.

.

Twenty minutes later Nick was standing on the corner of a street in the middle of the small town, his keen eyes seeking out a bank with a cash machine. He held his breath as he requested some cash, thankfully the bank didn't refuse his request. He flicked through the unfamiliar bank notes then pocketed them and headed along the street. It seemed strange to be surrounded by well stocked shops and happy people going about their normal lives.

(Sorry for the delay, not had time to write much this weekend - hope you enjoy this little update)


	69. Chapter 69

Almost an hour later he walked slowly back up the incline to the hospital and made his way back to Grandpa's house.

"Well look at you!" Zoe let out a low whistle as she sat up in bed. Sleep hadn't been as easy to come by as she had expected. "I was wondering where you had got to." She held out a hand to him. "Come here." Nick set the shopping bags down on the bed, planted one knee beside them and leaned over towards Zoe. Her hands cupped his freshly shaven face, thumbs caressing his smooth clean jawline, then her hands moved to the back of his head, fingers exploring his new haircut, a fair approximation of the crew cut he had sported when he arrived in Holby. "Now this I do like." She breathed, running her fingertips back and forth over the familiar contours of his skull, enjoying the sensation of his newly clipped hair as she pulled him towards her and instigated a kiss.

Without breaking the kiss, Nick moved over her, laying her down on the soft pillows, settling one knee between hers, taking his weight on his hands as he matched her fiery passion.

Zoe broke the kiss, pushing firmly against Nick's chest with both hands.

"Are you ok?" He questioned with concern, quickly easing his weight from her.

"You're pulling the sheets too tight around me." She told him.

"Sorry." He moved back, letting Zoe disentangle herself.

"I'm still a bit battered and bruised." She reminded him.

"Let me see." He whispered, kicking off his shoes and moving the shopping bags from the bed to the floor. Zoe cautiously peeled back the sheets and laid her hand self consciously over the bruises that marked out the line of the Landrover's seatbelt. Over the hours since the vehicle had rolled, the bruising had darkened to a mix of dark purple, maroon and fainter yellows,

Nick sat down on the bed, leaned over and placed the gentlest of kisses on her shoulder beside the dark marks. He placed another a few inches further down on the curve of her cleavage and followed the line diagonally across her ribs, placing light kisses at intervals. He rolled back the sheets further placing a kiss in the centre of her belly. The mark of the belt was low across her hips, he gave it the same treatment.

"Where else does it hurt?" He asked.

"My hip, where it banged the door and my knee." He applied the same remedy. "And this shoulder." She added, laying a hand on his chest as he moved to kiss her flesh beside the bruise.

"All fixed." He said softly and grinned at her.

"Almost." She breathed, flicking open the buttons of his shirt one by one. "Take this off." she instructed. Nick obeyed without question. "And these." She looped a finger into the pocket of his combats and tugged at the fabric. Nick stripped down to his boxers and socks then sat back down at her side. He flinched as Zoe reached for the elasticated top of one of his socks.

"I'll do those." He told her, peeling back the cotton gingerly from his feet.

"Sore?" Zoe asked leaning over to take a look at the blisters on his heel, he turned his foot, letting her see a larger blister on the ball of his foot and a small one on the side of his toe. "Lie down." she instructed, lifting the sheet so that he could join her beneath it. Zoe snuggled into him. "I think what we both need is a cuddle." Nick needed no further invitation, he was quite content to hold her, to feel the security of her arms about him, her breath on his skin as she tucked her face into his chest.

.

"Nick?" Zoe's voice disturbed him from the gentle soft sleep that had swept over them both. It was dark in the elegant bedroom and very cool, almost uncomfortably so. Zoe was standing by the bed, wrapped in some kind of patterned shawl.

"You ok?" He asked, propping himself on one elbow, even in the low light that emanated from the bedroom door he could see her worried expression. She took his hand and sat down cautiously, tucking one leg beneath her.

"Nick." She said his name softly. "I'm bleeding."

.


	70. Chapter 70

"Nick, I think... " She took his hand and pulled it towards her, lifting it to her lips and pressing a kiss to the backs of his fingers. "I think... I might be pregnant." Her eyes locked nervously with his, unsure of how he would react. Nick remained motionless, his expression unchanged. Zoe studied him, waiting for any kind of reaction. Finally he blinked and a slow smile lifted his features.

"Really?" He gasped. The enormity of her words took a moment to sink in, they were having a baby, a child which at this very moment, whilst he was dithering could be loosing its hold on life. His mind raced, he should know what to ask, what to do, but the cogs of his mind refused to turn. "Are you... in pain?" He stuttered.

"It's only a little blood." Zoe told him, her voice cracking. "Oh Nick." She gasped as the wave of emotion crashed over her. "I don't want to loose this baby too." She sobbed.

Nick sat up quickly and pulled her into his arms, kissing her temple as she clung desperately to him, her fingers digging into his flesh almost to the point of hurting him, a stream of hot tears fell onto his bare chest, the droplets found their way through his soft fur, cooling as they rolled down to his stomach and vanished into the sheet that was bunched about his hips.

"Zo." He breathed her name into her hair, placing his hands either side of her face, gently tilting her head until her eyes met his. "I swear I will do everything humanly possible to make sure that doesn't happen." He promised, wiping her tears with his his thumbs.

"I'm scared Nick."

"I know." He kissed her cheek.

"You've seen the bruises." She sniffed. "What if the ..."

"The belt was across your hips and your ribs." He reassured her. "The best possible place it could be." He stroked her cheek with one thumb. "It's not unusual to have a little bleeding in the first few weeks." Nick checked his emotions, mentally forcing his professionalism to rise to the fore, he had to be calm, practical and in charge, for all their sakes.

"I know." She breathed, forcing a smile as Nick caught a stray tear and wiped it away.

"That last night in Holby?" He asked with caution.

"I never doubted your stamina." She managed a half laugh.

"Four weeks?" He asked, frowning as he tried to work it out.

"Five, nearly six." Zoe forced a smile. "I should have figured it out sooner." She traced a line on his chest with one finger. "The roller coaster of emotions, the niggling nausea."

"The urgency to jump me at every possible opportunity?" He raised one eyebrow at her. "Not that I am complaining." He added quickly.

"What if..." She sniffed as another weighty tear escaped.

"Hey." Nick cupped her face in the palm of his hand. "I'm a doctor, a very good, very experienced emergency doctor and this..." He waved his other hand at their surroundings. "This is your ancestral home in the grounds of your Grandfather's hospital." He wiped a tear from her chin. "We have everything we need to take care of our child."

"What if it's already too late?" Zoe gazed up at him fearfully.

"Zo." He kissed her on the forehead. "I'm sure everything will be fine."

"You can't know that." She challenged.

"But we can find out." He said softly.


	71. Chapter 71

The corridors of the hospital were in almost total darkness, the night lighting lower than the emergency lighting back in Holby. Nick walked slowly at Zoe's side, letting her dictate the pace, her hand clasped firmly in his. He was glad that she knew the layout of the place, he doubted he would have found his way through the deserted, slightly creepy corridors of the outpatients department. He was surprised none of the doors were locked, not even the consulting room.

"Mind your eyes." Zoe said as reached to switch on a desk lamp. The room was as old fashioned as the rest of the place, the ultrasound machine was slightly newer than the furnishings, but still at least fifteen years old. Zoe gave it a quick scan with her eyes then switched it on and familiarised herself with the switches. "I haven't used one of these for years." She forced a hollow laugh.

"Let me." Nick indicated the examination table and pushed his rolled up sleeves above his elbows. He found a bottle of conductive gel and rubbed it between his palms to warm it before applying a generous amount to Zoe's stomach.

"That's cold." She whispered.

"Sorry." He replied, taking a deep breath as he stood poised with the scanner in his hand. "You ready?"

"I love you Nick." Zoe replied, she closed her eyes and nodded. The touch of the cold smooth plastic felt strange, the fact that Nick was operating it felt even stranger. She opened her eyes and watched his expression of concentration as he moved the device back and forth slowly on her skin.

"I might have to press harder." He said with a deep frown.

"You had to with the old machines." Zoe suddenly remembered.

"Tell me if it gets uncomfortable." He applied the additional pressure slowly, repeating the sweeping motion, his eyes narrowing slightly as he studied the faint images on the screen. Suddenly he froze. "There!" His expression changed, a broad grin lit his whole face. "Look Zo!"

"Is everything ok?" She asked, reluctant to look at the screen herself.

"A strong steady heartbeat" He told her. Zoe slowly moved her gaze from his face to the screen and found herself transfixed by the tiny rapid movement displayed in the middle of the fuzzing image. Nick fumbled in his pocket and pulled out his phone. He switched on the video camera and pointed it first at Zoe, then at the screen. "Nice strong heartbeat, very clear." He said softly for the camera, a note of wonder in his voice. "That's good for this early." He moved the scanner slightly, watching as the shadowy image changed. "You ok, Zo?" He asked after a few moments. "Zo?" He questioned switching the camera off when she didn't reply.

"That's our baby." She breathed in disbelief.

"And everything is fine." Nick grinned at her. "Completely fine." His gaze flicked back and forth between the entranced expression on her face and the faint images on the screen. "Shall we see if this machine has any paper in it?" Nick suggested.

"I hope it has." Zoe's eyes remained fixed on the blurred outline and the rapid beating heart on the screen. Nick pressed the scanner head a little more firmly, trying to get the best possible picture then pressed the button. For a moment nothing happened, then the machine whirred and clicked, the precious polaroid photograph emerging into the cool air. He handed it to Zoe and they both watched as the image magically appeared on the paper.

"Wow." She looked up at Nick.

"Happy?" He asked.

"Couldn't be happier." She whispered, taking hold of his hand and pulling him close for a kiss.

"Let's go back to bed." He suggested.


	72. Chapter 72

Nick lay in the soft darkness listening to Zoe's gentle breathing. For a long time she had snuggled against him, falling asleep with one arm draped across his chest, but in her sleep she had rolled onto her back. Sleep was not something Nick was accustomed to, he was exhausted, but since the day he had left Holby he had not slept more than a couple of hours at a time. Tonight was no different, except that tonight he was not worrying about insurgents and bombs, tonight he was worrying about the beautiful woman who lay at his side and the tiny human forming inside her, his tiny human, a child of his own. Nick rolled onto his side and watched Zoe as she slept. The words she had gasped through her tears just a few short hours ago had answered all his questions and turned his world upside down. 'I don't want to loose this baby too.' The words haunted him.

Nick slipped out from beneath the cool sheets and padded across the room. Standing by the window he gazed up at the endless night sky, the same myriad of stars that he had wished upon so many times in the hours of darkness in the mountains of Afghanistan. His eyes scanned the heavens, seeking out a single star, the ancient orange tinged light that travelled thousands of miles across time and space to register in his eyes and burn into his brain.

"I will always love you." He breathed, resting his palm against the glass, framing the star protectively with his splayed fingers. "You and your siblings." He added, his breath condensing on the cold glass, clouding his view. "Daddy will love you and take care of you, no matter where you are." He promised as he looked back at Zoe. Nick lifted his hand from the window, pausing to smile at the outline of his hand. Silently he padded back across the room, picked up his phone and pressing his thumb over the speaker to deaden any sounds, he adjusted the camera settings. Carefully he lined up the clear hand print so that the orange star was centred in the palm and took a photograph. He checked the image then took three more, just to be sure.

(Thanks for reading)


	73. Chapter 73

"What are you doing?" Her voice was soft, barely reaching his ears. "Come back to bed." Zoe urged. Nick padded across the room and set his phone face down on the elegant bedside cabinet. He slid effortlessly between the sheets, savouring the warmth of Zoe's body as he settled at her side. "You're cold." She whispered, running the palm of her hand back and forth across his ribs. "You ok?"

"Yeah." Nick settled back, allowing her to snuggle into him, enjoying the light touch of her fingertips as she traced circles on his chest. "Just thinking."

"Pondering the mysteries of the universe eh?" Zoe's hand paused in the centre of his chest, pressing lightly on his breast bone.

"The beauty of the stars." Nick told her. "There are so many, as if there might be one for every soul who has ever been given life." He turned his head to look at Zoe, expecting a light quip, but she offered only a half smile in the dim light.

"Are you ok?" He asked after a long pause. Zoe slid her hand across his chest and round his ribs, hugging him as she pressed herself closer to his side, her curves fitting perfectly with his body. For a long moment she didn't answer.

"It's a very old belief." She said softly, shifting position so that her head rested in the curve of his shoulder, Nick automatically placed his hand protectively on her back.

"The souls in the stars?" He rubbed her back gently.

"Somewhere out there, there is a star for you, and one for me." She whispered and laid a kiss on his chest. "Some say you are given your soul at the moment of conception." Her voice was low, her fingers nervously twirled a lock of hair at the centre of Nick's chest.

"I hope that is true." He kissed the top of her head.

"I hope so too." She tilted her head against his arm and gazed into his eyes. "So somewhere up there there will be a star for each of our children."

"I know there is." He whispered, smiling as Zoe nodded.

"Good." She breathed, her hand sliding up his chest and settling over his collarbone. "We are ok, aren't we Nick?" She asked softly, her thumb skimming back and forth over his smooth skin.

"Of course we are." He replied just a fraction too quickly.

"Only..." Zoe paused. "We never had chance to talk... about what happened last time."

"I know." Nick tensed slightly. "I was a fool." He admitted. "I should have listened."

"I shouldn't have lied." She countered quickly.

Silence settled a little more easily between them, now the subject had been broached.

"Nick?" Zoe spoke first. "You are happy... about this aren't you?" In reply he rolled onto his side, enclosing her protectively in his arms, wrapping his legs about hers and kissed her tenderly.

"I am overjoyed." He said with a calmness that communicated more than words ever could. "I love you Zoe Hanna."

"I love you too." She took a deep breath, but didn't continue.

"You are ok with it?" Nick questioned a moment later.

"I never thought it would happen." Her voice choked with emotion and caught in her throat. "Six weeks ago I doubted I would ever see you again." She fought to keep her voice level. "I wanted to so badly to phone you, to hear your voice, but to do so would break my heart into a million pieces. I never dreamed..." Emotion stole the words from her.

"That we would be curled up together thousands of miles from Holby, making plans for our family." Nick finished the sentence for her. Zoe sniffed and wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand.

"We do have plans, don't we Nick?" She asked. "Together, I mean?"

"Together." He echoed.

"I can't loose you again." Zoe forced the words out, afraid to phrase them as a question, in case of what the answer might be. They both knew the ultimate answer, Nick gave his reply in a kiss, a gentle yet all consuming kiss that had the power to wipe out all the negatives and replace them with pure love.


	74. Chapter 74

Nick left Zoe sleeping as dawn brought the world back to life. He took a shower, got dressed and helped himself to some breakfast before returning to the bedroom. He stood by the bed watching over her for a few minutes. He had spent most of the night just watching her sleep and he was quite content to do so, but he had work to do. He collected his phone from the bedside table and headed out of the house.

Sajan and a junior doctor were in the middle of their ward rounds, Nick acknowledged them then strode across the recently polished floor to Azin's bed. He checked his stride and his greeting as she shied away from him, her expression one of confusion as his changed to a frown.

"You ok Azin?" He asked gently.

"Doctor Nick?" she asked in a tiny voice.

"What's wrong?" His tone softened as he dropped to crouch on his heels beside her bed. She reached out to him and cautiously touched his chin with one finger. As she pulled her hand back sharply, it suddenly dawned on Nick that she had never seen him without a beard. "Hey." He grinned at her. "It's me, I've had a shave and a hair cut, that's all."

"You look... strange" Azin said cautiously, edging her hand closer to him.

"It's ok." Nick assured her, leaning a little closer. "It's still me." Azin steeled herself and touched his chin again, this time stroking a line from just below his bottom lip to the centre of his chin. "What do you think?" He asked softly. She shrugged in reply, her eyes scanning from the flash of grey at his temple over his neat sideburns and clean jaw to the slight shaving rash at the side of his neck and rested on the open neck of his shirt.

"You have hair on your chest, but not on your face." She said with a frown.

"It's the fashion in England." He told her, immediately regretting his choice of words as her expression dropped.

"Are you going to England?" She asked with a note of panic in her voice.

"Not just yet." Nick reassured her, smiling as she reached out and ran a finger along his smooth jawline. "When I do, how would you like to come with me?" Azin retraced the line she had drawn on his jaw as she considered his words.

"I'd like that." She said after a long pause.

"Good." Nick allowed her to explore his face with her fingertips for a moment or two longer then captured her hand and held it in his. "Are you feeling better this morning?" He asked.

"A bit." She replied, her dark eyes locking with his. "I'm tired." She admitted.

"Well then." Nick grinned at her. "You get some rest and I will come back to see you in a little while." He placed her hand on her stomach and adjusted the sheets to cover her as she laid back on the pillows. She looked so small and lost. "I have a couple of things to do, then I will be back." He promised.

(Thanks for reading)


	75. Chapter 75

The main street was bustling even at this early hour, Nick made his way slowly through the crowds, retracing his steps of the previous afternoon. Past the bank and the barbers, the clothes stalls and fruit sellers, on a quieter side street stood the store he had visited the previous day.

"Good morning." The shop keeper recognised him at once. "Is everything all right?" He asked.

"Perfect." Nick couldn't keep the grin off his face as he looked around the displays. "The cuddly elephant I bought yesterday, do you have another one?"

"Of course." The shop keeper weaved through the display stands and picked one from the shelf. "Was it this size?" He asked.

"That's it." An idea formed in Nick's mind as his eyes scanned the range of sizes. "And I'll take the smallest one and the next size up, please."

"Ok." The shop keeper looked at him as though he were mad, but picked the elephants from the shelf and waited until Nick had selected a handmade photograph album and matching trinket box. He was quite happy to take Nick's cash and wrap them in bright paper for him.

.

"You are looking pleased with yourself this morning." Anton Meyer commented as Nick let himself through the main doors of the hospital into the cool old fashioned lobby.

"It's a beautiful morning." Nick told him.

"I'm arranging a flight to Chicago." Meyer replied. "Will you be joining us?"

"Later." Nick said firmly. "I'm going back via Holby, with Zoe and Azin."

"Very well." Meyer nodded, he had expected as much. Nick watched his mentor walk away.

"Things have changed." Nick warned him before he reached the doors.

"I suspected as much." Meyer raised one eyebrow at him, but Nick wasn't about to reveal exactly how much things had changed. "There will always be a place for you on my team." Meyer assured him. "If you want it."

"Thank you." Nick nodded and left it at that.

.

In the airy front bedroom of Grandpa's house Zoe was still half asleep.

"Where have you been?" She asked lazily as Nick placed his new shopping bag next to those he had bought yesterday.

"Buying presents for my family." He said softly as he turned back the sheet on his side of the bed and sat down.

"I thought you never saw them?" Zoe frowned at him.

"For my new family." He whispered, emotion catching his voice. He leaned over and placed a light kiss on Zoe's stomach then one on her lips. "I hope you both slept well."

"I think so." She smiled and reached up to caress his cheek, her touch filled with love.

"I checked on Azin." He told her. "I think you are rather more keen on the clean shaven look than she is."

"She'll get used to it." Zoe stroked a finger along his jawline.

"She did that too." Nick laughed. "Once I'd managed to convince her I was still me."

"Well I like it." Zoe told him, edging closer and running both hands over his jaw, up to his ears and round his skull, pulling him closer, seeking a kiss. He didn't disappoint, his arms snaking about her, supporting her weight as he settled onto the bed and kissed her deeply. "I want you Nick." Zoe breathed, running her hands down his chest and across his stomach.

"We have to be careful." He cautioned.

"We will be." She assured him "I know you can be gentle."

"Of course." He brushed a finger across her cheek.

"But I don't have to be." She laughed and pushed him forcefully back onto the bed, holding him down with a firm hand on his ribs as she tugged open his belt buckle.

"Zo." His tone had a warning note, checking her enthusiasm.

"What?" She feigned hurt and pouted at him. "I know you love it."

"And I love you more." He captured her hand in his, gazing up at her. "We've been through a lot the last week or so, last night was a warning, we have to heed it."

"I know, you're right, we shouldn't." Zoe flopped down on top of him "I still want you, I still need you Nick." She whispered.

"And you can have me." He said gently. "Just take it easy, relax, let me show you how gentle I can be."

.

(A little Nick & Zoe romance, especially for Plumface.1997, Nina the Curious, XxTassBxX, Minxheart & Ordinarycasgirl as I know you'll all appreciate it, Thanks for reading & commenting)


	76. Chapter 76

"Are you sure?" Nick asked as he took a carton of orange juice from the fridge. "Cereal with orange juice, not milk?" He raised one eyebrow at Zoe.

"It's got to be better than porridge with lamb and spices." She pulled a face at him.

"Fair point." He admitted, setting the carton of juice down beside two bowls of cereal. "It couldn't be much worse." Nick stepped closer to Zoe, who was perched on the wooden counter top, her swinging feet kicking the cupboard doors lightly. She reached out and grasped his shirt, pulling him closer, wrapping her legs about his hips and her arms around his neck.

"I do love you." She whispered, pressing the tip of her nose to his then tilting her head and brushing his lips with hers.

"I love you." He echoed each word gently teased her lips, his hands moved across her back, gentle supportive pressure against her shoulders, one moving up to the base of her skull, his long fingers entwining in her hair as his lips parted and his tongue tangled delicately with hers. Zoe felt his smile as she melted into his arms.

"So this is what you get up to when you are given free reign in my home." A soft laughter filled voice interrupted. Zoe kept a tight grip on Nick, completing the kiss without allowing him to pull away. She smiled at him, her hands firm on his skull, slowly she leaned to one side and rested her chin on Nick's shoulder, her cheek resting against his, he felt her smile widen.

"Hello Grandpa." She whispered, marvelling at the silent way in which he had entered the house, a trick she remembered well from her childhood.

"Are you going to introduce me to the father of my great grandchild?" He asked, bracing his thin hands on the table, either side of the photograph album, which they had left open at the first page, the polaroid scan lovingly fixed on the pastel paper.

"Grandpa, this is Nick." Zoe disentangled herself from him and allowed Nick to turn to face him, though her arm looped protectively around him. "Nick, this is my Grandpa."

"Pleased to meet you." Nick responded automatically, he would have shaken his hand, but Zoe's arms held him firmly. The old man looked him up and down and for a moment Nick feared he might be about to pass judgement, but he simply smiled.

Zoe climbed down from her perch, using Nick as a stepladder, not that he minded. She slipped her hand into his and led him across the room.

"It is so good to see you." Zoe transferred her embrace to the old man, hugging him tightly. They were of similar height, their features a mirror image of each other, though separated by time.

"Sajan has me mollycoddled up in his house, but I like to come back here when he's not looking." He told her. "You can still keep a secret, can't you Zoe?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye that suggested many shared secrets.

"So long as you can." Zoe challenged.

"Cross my heart." Grandpa grinned. "Is it a secret love affair?" He teased. "I do love all the sneaking about and stolen moments."

"Not exactly." Zoe rebuffed him. "Nick and I have been together for a while." She reached for Nick's hand, pulling him into the intimacy of the conversation. "It's early days, we want to keep the news to ourselves, for now." Zoe's gaze shifted from her Grandpa to Nick then to the photograph on the page.

"Your secret is safe." The old man assured them. "Are you two going to eat all my breakfast cereal or can I have some too?"

Nick got another bowl from the cupboard and poured a third portion of cereal.

"Milk or orange juice?" He asked with a smirk.

"I'll take the juice." Zoe insisted.

"Ah the joys of pregnancy." Grandpa mused. "You wouldn't believe the combination of things your Grandmother used to eat."

"Would you tell me about her?" Zoe requested as she poured the juice into her bowl then laid a hand on Nick's thigh as he sat down beside her.

"She would have been so happy for you." Grandpa began as he poured a generous amount of milk for himself.


	77. Chapter 77

Zoe leaned against the sun warmed wooden pillar of the veranda, she lifted her phone and zoomed in to take a quick snap, then relaxed, content to watch Nick as he walked with Azin. She was still very weak but he was patient with her, holding her hands as if she were a toddler learning to walk for the first time. Zoe laid a hand on her belly.

"That's your Daddy." She whispered to the child within. "He'll walk with you like that too." She promised.

"You've picked a good one Zoe." Grandpa said softly with a nod towards Nick as he joined Zoe on the veranda. "I remember walking you around the lawn like that."

Zoe nodded, hugging Azin's cuddly elephant as she watched Nick crouch down to speak to the youngster. His expressive face changing momentarily to concern then relaxing into a broad smile. He swept the child up and settled her on his hip, adjusting the brightly coloured cotton dress he had bought for her, before striding across the lawn towards the house.

"Sajan asked me to invite you and Nick for dinner this evening." Grandpa told her. "Your colleagues are flying home tomorrow, we should eat together tonight."

"Enough for now." Nick told Zoe as she handed over the prized elephant. "But we will take another walk later, won't we?" He tickled Azin lightly, making her squirm and giggle. "You ok Zo?" He enquired, not quite believing her nodded reply, a sentiment reinforced as she took a few steps into the shade and sat down quickly.

"It's hot in the sun." Zoe offered a feeble excuse as Nick plonked Azin down in a shaded chair and moved swiftly to Zoe's side, he laid a hand on her forehead and captured hers with the other, his gaze laced with concern.

.

(Sorry for the slowness in posting, its been a mad mad week)


	78. Chapter 78

"Is Zoe ok?" Azin asked with heartfelt concern as Nick returned to the kitchen half an hour later.

"She just needs to cool down and sleep for a while." He assured her, laying a comforting hand on the top of her head as he looked over her shoulder at the drawing she was working on. Even in her childish hand Nick could easily pick out the familiar mountainside lifting steeply above a river, the low buildings of Watapur Hospital lightly sketched in. "That's very good." his compliment was genuine as he crossed the the fridge and poured a glass of juice for Zoe.

"She's quite an artist." Grandpa beamed. "I still have some of Zoe's paintings in my collection." he added.

"Really?" Nick turned to face him. "I'd like to see those." He smiled as Grandpa nodded. "I'd better get this to Zoe. You be good Azin." He added.

"She's fine with me, aren't you." Grandpa gave her an affectionate little shove. "Don't worry about us."

"Thank you." Nick responded to his unspoken words.

Zoe was in the bathroom when Nick made his way into the cool, darkened bedroom.

"Zo? You ok?" He asked, tapping lightly on the door.

"Urgh." She groaned in reply, "Did you get some juice?"

"I still think water would be better for you." Nick suggested gently.

"I've had enough water." Zoe snapped then wretched again.

"I know." Nick breathed, setting the glass down on the side, crouching beside her, rubbing her back gently.

"Water." Zoe gasped, wiping her mouth and reaching for the tumbler, Nick handed it to her and checked her temperature with the back of his hand as she took a gulp. "Sorry." She looked up at Nick with wide eyes, gulping big lungfuls of air.

"You're a bit cooler now." He commented. Zoe nodded and held her breath for as long as she could.

"I'm just glad we made it here before the morning sickness started with a vengeance." She gave him a weak smile. "I think its passing now." She sat back on her heels, leaning against Nick. "Can we lie down?"

The bedroom was cooler than the bathroom, Nick had opened all the windows before he had gone downstairs, the light weight curtains flapped gently in the breeze. Zoe flicked back the sheets and eased herself onto the bed. Nick perched on the edge, his dark eyes filled with concern as they took in the pallor of her face. She reached for his hand, gripping tightly.

"Will you hold me?" She asked in a whisper. Nick kicked off his shoes and clambered onto the bed beside her, wrapping his arms about her, nuzzling her neck as she settled her back against him.

"This ok?" He breathed against her ear.

"Tighter." She replied, hugging his arms to her. Nick mirrored the bend of her legs with his, pressing his knees to the back of hers, his feet settling beneath hers. He kissed the back of her neck tenderly. "Thank you." Zoe breathed as she laced her fingers with his. "I just need you to be close."

"I'm right here." Nick assured her, feeling her relax and her breathing begin to slow and sleep overtook her.

.

The silence of the unfamiliar room took Nick's thoughts back to a hotel room in Holby, he thought about the hours he had lain alone on top of the sheets of that empty king size bed, fighting the nausea induced by his chemotherapy. So many times in those dark days he had longed for Zoe's arms about him, the comforting touch of her hand, a reassuring word when all had seemed to be impossible. He thought about the way he had concealed his illness from her, hidden any sign of weakness, it was a trait she too held naturally. Yet here they were, curled together, emotions and weakness laid bare, both protecting the one thing that might keep them together, their child.

.

"What are you thinking?" Zoe asked softly as she awoke almost three quarters of an hour later, she eased Nick's tight embrace slightly, disentangled their fingers and turned in his arms to face him, looping one leg over his and snuggling her face against his neck.

"How lucky I am." Nick replied with barely a pause, despite everything he wasn't about to reveal the nature of his regrets, there had been far too much hurt in both their lives since the day she had tried to find him at that hotel. He kissed her brow lightly. "You're cooler, feeling better?" He anticipated her questions and deflected them.

"A little too cool, now." Zoe snuggled closer, seeking his body heat. "But better, yes."

"Still tired?" He enquired, raising one eyebrow at her as she looked up at him.

"Exhausted." She admitted freely. "You?" He looked tired and she could feel the coiled tension in his body.

"The same." It felt strange to admit it. Zoe placed the palm of her hand against his cheek and traced her thumb over the line of his cheekbone.

"I know." She breathed, snuggling her face against the side of his neck.

"I left Azin with your Grandpa, it must be an hour or more ago." Nick made to move, but Zoe's embrace held him firm.

"She'll be fine with him, he's great with kids, he'll be in his element" Zoe whispered, tilting her head back to look at Nick. "You really care about her." It wasn't a question.

"She's a bright kid, with a lot of difficult times behind her." Nick said sorrowfully. "And many more yet to face."

"She has a good doctor, she'll get through them." Zoe placed a kiss on the edge of Nick's jaw.

"I know." Nick blew air out through his nose, ruffling Zoe's hair as he did so. "It doesn't make it any easier though."

The sound of laughter on the veranda below, filtered through the flapping curtains, Azin and Grandpa's voices, their words indistinguishable.

"Did you hear that?" Zoe asked with a broad smile. "They're fine and having fun together. No need for us to move a muscle." Her hand moved in slow circles over the fabric of Nick's shirt. "Why don't we relax and get some rest?" Zoe's arms tightened about him as she sensed Nick was about to protest.

"Ok." He said softly, letting Zoe's hands sooth a little of the tension from his muscles, knowing she was right.


	79. Chapter 79

"There you are!" Sajan's wife greeted Zoe enthusiastically as she and Nick stepped into the hall way of the grand house at the other side of the hospital later that night. "Dinner is about to be served, come through."

The dinning room was like a scene from a film set in the days of the Raj, the huge table adored with the brightest shade of every colour, the elegant place settings measured to perfection. Zoe's family had dressed for dinner and Nick felt under-dressed for such an occasion, being used to donning a tuxedo for formal functions, the new trousers and shirt he had bought in town felt very casual and his new shoes were nipping his feet already. He took his place at the table, thankful that Zoe sat down next to him.

"You look lovely." One of Zoe's female cousins struck up conversation with her. "Glowing, I'd say."

"Must be all the sunshine." Zoe made light of the comment, adjusting the bright red fabric of her new local style floaty dress. "Back in Holby we rarely get two fine days in a row."

"So you two work together?" Several pairs of eyes waited for the answer.

"Yes." Nick replied a little too quickly.

"Well we used to." Zoe clarified.

"And we hope to again in the future." Nick added.

"So you're not going back to America?" Makul asked.

"Not at once." Nick admitted. "I promised Azin's father I'd take her back to England, so that is what I plan to do." He exchanged a knowing look with Anton Meyer.

"The artificial heart has proved its worth," Anton took over the conversation with ease, "Our young patient will provide valuable data for future improvements. It's the perfect opportunity for Mr Jordan to study her progress." Anton quickly enthralled the audience with his velvet tones, fielding each question as it arose. Nick sat back, content to let his mentor take all the credit. Dinner was served with barely a lull in the conversation.

"So Zoe." Her cousin Chahna drew her attention from Meyer's tale. "Are you not hungry?"

"Not especially" Zoe felt her cheeks redden as she realised that her lack of appetite was so obvious.

"This really is delicious." Nick interrupted, leaning fractionally closer to Zoe, offering unspoken support. "Is it a family recipe?"

"If you're asking if I can cook it." Zoe gave him a sideways glance. "yes, I can, but it won't taste as good as this." She balanced a delicate morsel on her fork and tasted it for dramatic effect. "You just can't get the fresh ingredients in England, it's not the same." She directed the explanation at Chahna, hoping to deflect any further probing questions.

"But I do prefer scorched fish-fingers." Nick whispered in her ear. Zoe completely failed to keep a straight face and almost managed to smother her laughter with a fake coughing fit.

"Are you all right dear?" Sajan's wife cut through the medical chatter with genuine concern.

"Yes, yes I'm fine." Zoe assured her, she gave Nick a gentle dig in the ribs with her elbow and exchanged a conspiratorial look with Grandpa who was sitting at the head of the table.

"Is there something going on we should know about?" Chahna pushed, sensing she was missing out on something.

"Private joke." Nick told her, giving her his best innocent look. "As I was saying, this really is a lovely meal." Anton caught his eye and Nick gave him the slightest nod. "Sorry Mr Meyer, you were saying?" Nick turned everyone's attention to his mentor. Everyone except Zoe, who slipped her hand beneath the table cloth and captured Nick's fingers in hers.

"But it was Mr Jordan's idea that solved the problem." Anton said loudly enough to rescue Nick and Zoe from the centre of attention. "Azin's heart, it was your idea, Mr Jordan, to fit the artificial heart in parallel, to take some of the strain off her own."

"Yes." Nick cast his eyes around the table, he had everyone's full attention. "With an untested device it seemed foolhardy to remove her own heart when there was space in the chest cavity to perform a partial bypass and use the mechanical device as an assist rather than a replacement."

"You'll be writing it up as a paper when you get back to Michigan?"

"Of course." Nick squeezed Zoe's hand to cover his white lie with her. "I am sure there will be much interest in her progress, all is going well, considering the standards of the Afghan operating theatres." Nick took a deep breath and continued. "Hygiene is one area that could easily be improved upon, another is the standard of training, it is all very well the international charities providing experience for junior doctors, but what the hospitals really need is someone with experience who can pass on their knowledge."

Zoe relaxed as Nick continued to speak, enthralling the gathering with his ideas for improvements. As the tension ebbed, she found her appetite returning, the familiar dishes made to her Grandmother's recipe still as delicious as they had been when she was a child. She promised herself that she would learn to cook them properly and not blame the perfectly good ingredients, after all, she had the best reason to now. Someone to pass them onto.

.

(Thanks for reading and thanks for your super reviews, great to know people are enjoying this tale)


	80. Chapter 80

"That was some speech you gave at dinner." Zoe looked up at Nick with pride in her eyes.

"I had to impress your family." He teased lightly. "We can't risk them thinking I'm not good enough for you, now can we?" He tightened his grip on her hand just a fraction.

"Oh you are good enough all right Mr Jordan." Zoe lifted his hand to her lips and kissed the backs of his fingers. "Grandpa approves, what ever anyone else thinks, his word is law."

"Glad to hear it." Nick swung Zoe's hand in his. They were strolling slowly through the dimly lit corridors of the hospital. "Though I think it didn't do any harm to explain what on earth I was doing out here in the first place, I hope you didn't leave them completely in the dark as to why you would want to chase me half way across the continent."

"I think they have worked most of that one out for themselves." Zoe laughed, bringing their stroll to a halt, she glanced back along the corridor, making sure they were completely alone, then pushed Nick against the wall, pressing her body full length against him, she reached up with one hand to cup the base of his skull, guiding his head down so that she could kiss him forcefully.

.

"I will have to take you out to dinner more often Doctor Hanna." Nick teased when she finally let him come up for air.

"You're liking this?" She questioned, her fingertips grazing through his hair as she kissed him again before waiting for a verbal answer, Zoe tilted her hips into him as she felt his reply through his body.

Nick was quite content to be pinned to the wall, he eased his knees, bringing himself down closer to Zoe's height, indulging her passion, his tongue tangling with hers, giving a much as she was offering. His long fingers found their way through her hair, his hands naturally echoing the way hers cupped his skull.

There had always been fire simmering between them, Nick had discovered just how hot the fanned flames could be the first time he had kissed Zoe that evening in his office. Later, anger had turned the same flames against him, but never had he been so happy to have kept embers glowing and to have the opportunity to re-ignite them into a ranging inferno. Tonight Zoe held nothing back, unleashing every last ounce of passion into her kiss. Nick met and matched it, the illicit atmosphere of the prim hospital corridors only serving to heighten his senses.

"Zo." He breathed her name in a half-hearted protest as she broke the kiss momentarily, her fingers now raking a little too firmly through his hair.

"Relax." She whispered, one hand sliding down his neck to press against his shoulder, letting him know in no uncertain terms that she wasn't willing to be separated from him. For a few moments Nick obeyed, indulging her need, enjoying every second of it.

"We really should go and check on Azin." He breathed when she gave him chance to speak.

"Spoil sport." She whined, capturing his bottom lip between her teeth, nipping harder than he liked.

"Not at all." He replied as soon as she released her hold, he straightened his knees, pushing himself upright against the wall, his face now out of Zoe's reach, though her hands remained linked around his neck, her arms at full stretch, he sensed that her next move might be to climb up his body. "I could take you right here." He teased, tipping his head back against the pressure of her hands.

"That would be good." Zoe whispered, squashing him against the wall.

"Or we could enjoy a slow stroll back to the house and check out that enormous bath tub." He offered.

"Mmm." Zoe considered for a moment, swaying side to side against him as she thought about it. Finally she released her grasp on the back of his neck and slid her hands down his chest, pressing her palms firmly against the fabric of his shirt as she skimmed his ribs and stomach. "Or we could do both?" She suggested, flicking open the button at his waistband and deftly unzipping his trousers.

"You really are insatiable." He gasped as she left him with no doubt of her intentions.

"Are you complaining?" She challenged.

"Not in the slightest." Nick replied as he grasped her hips, lifted her effortlessly, flexed his knees and gave her exactly what she wanted.

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[Sorry for the slowness in updating, its been a manic week & not had any time to myself. Hope you enjoy it ;) ]


	81. Chapter 81

Azin was sleeping peacefully, ten minutes later when Nick and Zoe peered through the circular porthole in the ward doors. The duty nurse was seated at her station in the centre of the ward.

"No need to disturb them." Nick breathed as Zoe laid a hand on the cool push plate of the door. He laid his hand gently over hers then closed his fingers about hers. "She's fine and I have other duties to attend to." He leaned over and brushed Zoe's lips with the lightest of kisses.

The evening was cool, the air fresh and the whole world seemed silent as Nick held the external door open for Zoe and they stepped outside. They walked slowly hand in hand to the garden gate, which Nick opened and held for her.

"It really is the most perfect night." Nick commented as he closed the gate and settled his hand into Zoe's once more. Together they strolled across the lawn, taking in the wonder of the star filled sky and the moonlit mountainside that stretched out before them.

The woodwork of the veranda still retained the warmth of the sun, Zoe ran the palm of her hand back and forth across the polished handrail.

"Shall we sit out here a little while?" She asked softly.

"If you'd like to." Nick smiled, allowing her to lead him to one of the cane sofas, Zoe laid a hand on his chest and pushed him down onto the soft cushions. He squirmed into a comfortable reclining position as Zoe settled beside him and draped herself across his chest, her lips finding his, teasing with the lightest of kisses.

"I love you Nick" she whispered as she snuggled into him, "and I'm glad we are here tonight."

"Me too." He breathed, caressing her cheek with one finger. Zoe looked up at him then edged up his body and kissed him slowly and gently.

"Nick?" Zoe said his name slowly, her face inches from his, her eyes locked with his. "Can we go home soon?" She asked softly.

"Back to Holby?" His brows drew together in a frown.

"It's great to be here, to see my family and everything." Zoe took a deep breath. "And its great that you got to meet them, especially Grandpa."

"But?" Nick prompted as her voice trailed away.

"But I just want to be with you, to be normal."

"Normal?" Nick breathed, the slightest frown dancing on his brow. "Have we ever been normal, Zo, you and I?"

"Normal for us." Zoe laughed. "You know what I mean."

"I don't know if I can stand the pace, if your normal is like our last day in Holby." Nick teased.

"I'm sure you can." Zoe countered.

"Maybe." Nick smiled at her. "Would it be normal? You and me?" He asked after a long pause.

"And our baby." Zoe added his unspoken words. "We were good together." She reminded him. "Before." She didn't need to elaborate, before what, she certainly wasn't going to spell it out. "We have another chance Nick."

"And I for one don't intend to blow it." He placed a light kiss on the tip of her nose. "There is one thing I want to do before we leave here." He added.

"What's that?" She asked playfully.

"Check out that enormous bath tub." He grinned at her. "Will you join me Dr Hanna?"

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(Thanks for reading)


	82. Chapter 82

The bath tub was enormous, a relic of a bygone age of luxury, it stood in the centre of the bathroom on lion's claw feet. Nick perched on the rolled edge, the perfect white enamel was cool and smooth beneath his fingertips, as he ran them back and forth along the edge. Zoe stood by the door watching him, admiringly. She hardly dared to hope that he would stay with her and their child.

The running water reached Nick's fingers and he swished his hand back and forth to check the temperature.

"It's ready." Nick gave her one of his devastating smiles. "Do you want to check the temperature?" He asked.

"Getting in practice?" Zoe asked, running her hand across his bare shoulder before dangling her fingers in the water, "for bathing the baby?" She responded to his look of puzzlement. Then flicked a few drops of water at him. "Is it ok for you?" She asked.

"I'd better check" Nick dropped the towel from his waist and stepped carefully into the tub. He slid down into the cool water, submersing himself completely before resurfacing and settling back in the tub. "Perfect." He declared, holding one hand out to Zoe. She accepted the support of his hand as she stepped over the rolled top, carefully lowered herself into the water then settled against Nick, his body felt warm in the cool refreshing water. He reached for the soap and lathered both hands before gently massaging Zoe's arms, working his way down her wrists and across her hands, washing each finger in turn. As he guided her hands into the water to rinse, he transferred his to rest over her stomach, skimming gently over her barely visible bump. "So tell me about bathing this baby." He breathed in her ear. "Am I doing it right?" Nick asked, his hands caressing in a gentle circular motion.

"That feels right to me." Zoe let her head roll against Nick's shoulder, relaxing against him as his hands moved over her in soothing circles.

"Good." He breathed, placing a light kiss on her temple. "I want to do everything right this time, you need to tell me if I get things wrong."

"I'll try." Zoe's voice was barely a whisper, she didn't want to think about past mistakes.

"I mean it Zo." Nick was firm, the motion of his hands stilling momentarily, cupping her small bump protectively. "I was an idiot before, I tried to do everything at once, too intense, too fast." He pressed his lips to her temple, breathing through his nose, drawing cool air in over her skin and blowing warm air out in the reverse path. "You do know I will protect you, both of you, no matter what."

"I know." Zoe blinked away an emotional tear. "It wasn't entirely your fault." Zoe admitted. "We both wanted it too much, we didn't talk things through, we didn't listen to each other, or to our bodies." Zoe laid her hands over Nick's entwining her fingers with his. "This time we will do everything right, protect ourselves and give this one the very best we can." She smiled as she felt Nick nod in agreement.

"I couldn't bare it, if." Nick began, but Zoe silenced him with a soaking wet hand, clasped to his cheek, her thumb pressed to his lips.

"Don't say it Nick." She countered quickly. "We are weeks past the point we got to last time." Zoe took a deep breath. "Something wasn't right back then, with the first baby I mean, nature has a way of dealing with everything, of protecting her own. I've thought about it a lot." She admitted with some reluctance. She felt Nick's embrace tighten just a fraction. "We've both dealt with really badly disabled kids, sometimes its better that nature reclaims a life that wouldn't have been worth living, before it has to suffer any pain." Zoe forced a smile. "This time is different. It's meant to be. We have the scan, we know he or she is doing fine, lets just take it one careful step at a time, fate doesn't need any tempting." Zoe felt his lips form a kiss against the pad of her thumb. "I love you Nick." She added. "Now why don't you show me again how you do this bath thing?"

"I need to tell you." Nick refused to be drawn by Zoe's forced changing of the subject. He gathered her hands in his and rested his chin lightly on her shoulder. "I need to tell you that I've thought about it a lot too. Wished so many times that we had stayed together, bought a nice house with a garden, had a couple of kids." Nick placed a light kiss on Zoe's cheek. "The last few years have been really hard Zo, even before I left Holby, seeing you every day, knowing what might have been." His voice trailed away. "I thought leaving was the easy option, that distance would make the pain easier." He forced the admittance. "But it wasn't, I loved the work out there, the heart I helped develop is a miracle, but when I came back to Holby, it just felt so right." He kissed her cheek again. "To walk into your office, to hold you, kiss you, I knew at once I was home."

"Let's book a flight home in the morning." Zoe suggested.

"Ok." Nick didn't take any persuading. "But right now, we should relax and enjoy the luxury of this place." His hands released hers and returned to gently caressing her stomach. He smiled as he felt the tension drain from Zoe's body as she relaxed against him.

"You have a deal there Mr Jordan." Zoe breathed. "You need to show me how you'd bath the mother of your child, just to make sure you can do it right." She teased, gazing up into his eyes.

"That would be my pleasure." Nick reached for the soap. "And then I'd better check that you know how to take care of the father of your child too."

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(Thanks for reading and for your smashing reviews)


	83. Chapter 83

Nick wrapped one of the soft white fluffy towels around Zoe, rubbing his hands back and forth to dry her gently, before reaching for his own towel and swiping it roughly over the cool water droplets that were running down his flesh as he stood on the bath mat.

"I thought I was taking care of you too" Zoe chided him as she rearranged her towel so that her arms were free and took his from him. She draped the soft towel between her hands and proceeded to dry him gently and carefully. Once she was sure every last inch of his flesh was dry she dealt with the few droplets that had run from his hair to his shoulders then reached up and towelled his crew cut. She dabbed at his face, then straightened the towel and wrapped it carefully around his waist.

"I was enjoying that." Nick commented as he looked down at Zoe's hands tucking the loose end in to hold the towel in place.

"It's getting late." Zoe whispered. "Come to bed and you can enjoy me some more."

Nick let Zoe lead him by the hand from the bathroom to their bedroom. He stood motionless as she removed his towel and guided him to lie down on his stomach. She reached for a small bottle of scented oil and smoothed a small amount across his shoulders.

"That's nice." Nick breathed as she began to massage the major muscle groups of his back. Zoe was very thorough, locating even the tiniest knots, easing them gently until they vanished into relaxation.

"Roll over." She prompted, admiring the ripple of his muscles as he did so. She captured one of his hands and began to work her way from his fingertips, to his hands, over his wrists and up his arms, massaging each muscle in turn. Nick was quite content to lie still and enjoy her attention, his eyes rested closed as she worked her magic over him.

"That's far enough." Nick breathed as he closed his hand over hers on his stomach, preventing her from reaching any lower.

"Spoil sport." Zoe teased, trying to free her hand from his grasp.

"No, it's my turn now." He told her. "Roll over." Nick reached for the bottle of massage oil, knelt at Zoe's side and began to gently massage her shoulders. She lay still, allowing him to echo her actions, though he applied much less pressure than she had. Zoe obeyed his command to roll onto her back, watching him intently as he worked his way from her fingertips up each arm in turn.

As he reached her stomach, she allowed him to massage in slow gentle swirls, but as he made to move to her hips she stilled his hands.

"That's far enough." She echoed his words, easing herself into a sitting position, her gaze sweeping over every inch of his body. "You look just far too tempting." She breathed, as she tucked one leg back and knelt before him. Laying her hands on his slippery shoulders she clambered over him, kissing him thoroughly as she clamped his thighs with hers and slowly locked her body to his in the most intimate way, wrapping her arms firmly about his neck, squeezing him tightly with every muscle as she kissed him deeply. Nick found it almost impossible not to respond to Zoe's passion with the force he knew she loved. His hands calmed her momentarily, taking control, guiding her as she moved against him, fuelling the flames to the point of no return.

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"Wow." Zoe breathed against Nick's neck as they stilled. "You really do know how to take care of me." She expected a quip, but he simply brushed a light kiss to her lips and held her close for a long moment. He eased her gently onto the bed and snuggled against her protectively.

"I love you Zo." He breathed against her skin.

[sorry for the delay, been away on my hols :)]

...******...

Sorry guys, I won't be writing any more on this story until the person who has copied large chunks of it into their story and passed it off as their own removes it from the site and makes a suitable apology.

This has really upset me, people spend a long time writing and reading these stories then something like this happens. This is a wonderful site that gives a lot of people something to smile about and then you get people who go and spoil things for everyone.

Thanks to everyone who messaged me about it, good to know we are looking out for each other.

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I'd like to reiterate, I don't own any of the characters from Casualty, I just love the show and am grateful to the BBC for letting us use them in our own stories and share our imaginings with other fans on-line.

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Sorry to those who were enjoying this tale, but I hope you'll understand how I feel about this.

Tuesday 8th Aug 2013

Thanks for all your wonderful messages everyone, your support really means a huge amount to me. The person concerned has now sent me a heartfelt apology and is re-writing their story, so I hope it is a lesson learned. At the moment I haven't written any more, but once I get my head around things I will be back with the next chapter. Once again massive thanks for your support, its great to know you actually care beyond just reading my words. Casualty Fans are the best! Lots of luv and hugs to you all. K xx


	84. Chapter 84

Thanks for your support everyone, I hope the problem is now resolved, so here's the next chapter, dedicated to all those who have helped me and sent kind messages, you know who you are. This is for you.

...*****...

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"Do you feel strong enough to fly to England?" Nick asked Azin as he perched on the edge of her bed in the sunlit ward early the following morning. A smile danced on Nick's lips as the little girl studied him intently, her almond shaped eyes blinking slowly, concealing the gold flecked irises and deep endless pupils that suddenly reminded him so much of her mother.

"What's so funny?" She asked, her expression exactly the same as he remembered on Karen's face the many times she had asked him that exact same question. Nick shook his head, Azin's expression changed, he recognised the warning signs.

"You remind me so much of your mother." He admitted. "Do you remember being in England with her?" He countered any questions with one of his own as he checked Azin's pulse.

"A little." Azin frowned as she searched her memory. "There was a big river with a big green bridge and another bridge with trains, we lived in a house on a hill and the yellow train went to the beach." Her eyes searched Nick's, desperate for reassurance. "Is that right?" She asked.

"Yes." He said softly. "Your mother lived in a house on a hill and she loved to take the train to the beach." Old memories surged unbidden, Karen dragging him from the carriage of the metro train, skipping like an excited child through the Sunday morning market beneath the faded splendour of the Victorian station canopy, out into the bright sunlight into a maze of brick buildings then out onto the seafront. He could almost hear the call of the gulls as they swooped low over the endless promenade and the long curve of golden sand. "There are some steps down the the beach." He said aloud, at once being rewarded by a spark of recognition in Azin's eyes. "There's a shop on the corner that sells the biggest ice creams."

"The sea was cold and I don't like the sand in my shoes." Azin told him earnestly, watching him intently as he continued his medical checks on her.

"I hate that too." Nick laughed. "Your mother always wanted to walk on the sand, so I'd take my shoes off and walk barefoot at the edge of the water."

"Did she make you wash your feet at the tap by the steps?" Azin asked.

"And she never remembered to bring a towel, so I'd make her sit with me on the bench until the sun dried them." Nick grinned at Azin.

"She always had a towel for me." Azin gave him a puzzled look.

"That's because she loved you." He said softly, automatically.

"It was a very old scratchy towel." Azin countered. "I didn't like it." She looked up at Nick, capturing him with her firm gaze. "Did she love you?" She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

For a split second Nick considered refusing to answer the question, he pressed his lips together in a grim thoughtful smile and took a deep breath before answering the question with a nod.

"Yes." He added the verbal reply with some reluctance. "It was a long time ago, but she loved me."

"And you loved her?" Azin pushed, though Nick sensed she already knew the answer to that question. Again he nodded. Azin considered for a moment. "I'd rather let my feet dry in the sun than use the scratchy towel." She told him. "When we get to England?" She asked after another pause. "Will you take me to the beach? On the train?"

"The same beach?" Nick prompted.

"I want to walk in the sea." Azin told him, her expression serious. "Can I let my feet dry in the sun?"

"Sure." Nick was non-committal, he hadn't really thought that far ahead. His plans only reached as far as getting Azin back to Holby, giving her the best care possible, he hadn't thought about what would happen once she had recovered. It was an oversight he needed to correct and pretty quickly.

"Can I ask you something?" Azin's voice was low, cautious.

"Of course." Nick forced a smile.

"Zoe," Azin whispered. "is she going to England with us?"

"Yes, of course." A frown flickered on Nick's brow.

"She's not Dr Makul's wife, is she?" It was Azin's turn to frown as she tried to unravel the puzzling situation.

"No." Nick shook his head. "She was only pretending, so that she could travel to Watapur to find me."

"She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Azin asked the question with a conspiratorial giggle. Nick simply nodded. Azin continued to giggle.

"What's so funny about that?" He asked in a whisper.

"She's standing behind you." Azin laughed as Zoe stepped closer and rested a hand on Nick's shoulder, giving Azin a wink as she did so.

"Mayer is ready to leave." She told Nick as he looked up at her.

"In that case, I'd better go and say goodbye." Nick got to his feet.

"Doctor Nick?" Azin asked urgently. "Can I say goodbye to him too?"

"Of course." Nick swept her up, settling her on his hip, pausing as Zoe adjusted Azin's night dress to cover her little legs. "All set?" He asked, hitching her into a more comfortable position, taking her slight weight on his arm as she grasped a handful of his shirt.

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Nick's colleagues were waiting in the foyer of the hospital.

"There's my girl." Meyer smiled at Azin and strode across the room to meet Nick. "I have a favour to ask of you, young lady." His voice was soft as he lifted Azin from Nick's hip then settled her easily on his own. "I need you to look after a few things for me, do you think you can do them for me?" He continued as Nick took the opportunity to bid farewell to shake Andy's hand and exchange a hug with Joanne. She clung to him and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"You will come back to America, won't you?" She pressed.

"Yes." Nick assured her. "I have to get the youngster settled in England, then I will be back."

"Good." She squeezed him tight before releasing her hold.

"You must take good care of that heart." Meyer told Azin with the same sternness of tone that he used on his own grandchildren for important instructions. "And you must take care of Doctor Nick." He added. "Can you do that for me?" Azin nodded. "Promise?"

"I promise." Azin said firmly as Meyer walked across the room to join his colleagues.

"Don't forget." Meyer reinforced his request as he stood at Nick's side. "Don't ever forget."

"I won't." Azin assured him as he handed her back to Nick, who gave her a questioning look as she settled on his hip, digging her knees firmly into his stomach and back, her arms wrapping tightly about his neck, her hands gathering the fabric of his shirt into tight balls in her fists. He half expected her to bury her face against him, but she kept her head up, meeting Meyer's gaze.

"She's a very special little lady." He told Nick.

"I know." Nick tightened his arm about her, though she was gripping him so hard he guessed there was little need for his arm across her back and the supporting hand beneath her thigh. Nick offered his free hand to his mentor. "I'll make sure she gets the best treatment Holby can offer, I'll let you know when we arrive."

"I'll see you in Michigan." Meyer said as he shook Nick by the hand.

"Safe flight." Nick wished him the same as he had Joanne and Andy.

"And you." Meyer finally released Nick's hand and turned to Zoe.

"I know you'll take care of him." He said in a low whisper as he shook Zoe's hand. "I admire your guts, it wasn't an easy thing to find us and get us out of there."

"It had to be done." Zoe's eyes flicked to Nick for an instant.

"Thank you." Meyer squeezed her hand firmly.

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Zoe looped her arm about Nick's waist as they stood under the portico, though she was restricted in her embrace by Azin who remained perched on Nick's hip, Zoe's hand founds it's way into Nick's back pocket. They waved farewell to the small party in the taxi as it headed down the drive to begin the long journey to the airport.

"I had a look online." Zoe said softly. "There's a flight to Holby tomorrow evening."

"You're ready to go home?" Nick asked.

"More than ready." Zoe whispered, snuggling against him.

"Me too." He placed a light kiss on her forehead.


	85. Chapter 85

Zoe hadn't imagined how difficult it would be to say goodbye to her Grandfather. Tears stung her eyes as she finally left his embrace and settled into the taxi. She forced a smile as she waved to him.

"Do you need more time?" Nick asked, lifting Azin onto his knee and sliding across the polished back seat of the taxi before setting her in the seat he had been occupying.

"It's just hormones." Zoe whispered. "I'll be fine." She accepted the comfort of his arm about her and inched closer to him. "It's not like I won't see him again." She voiced her fears so quietly only Nick heard her words.

"We'll come back to visit." He promised. "Once our baby is old enough to travel." He whispered in her ear. "We'll bring him or her out here to meet Grandpa."

"I know." She sniffed, drawing strength from him as she wiped her eyes and looked back at her family gathered on the portico. "Let's go." She told the driver.

Zoe waved until the taxi turned out of the gate and the old hospital and her family were concealed from view. Nick smiled as Azin copied her.

"Thank you." Zoe whispered as she relaxed against him. Nick took her hand in his and kissed the backs of her fingers. Azin snuggled into his other side.

"Comfy?" He asked looking from one to the other, he laughed as both nodded at the same time. He shuffled a little and wrapped an arm about the shoulders of each of his girls. Nick smiled as they both snuggled against him.

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As the taxi turned onto the motorway, Zoe watched Nick's intent expression as he listened to Azin's chatter. He had swapped seats with the child some miles back, in the centre of the back seat Azin had a clear view of the road ahead and gleefully pointed out every unusual landmark, attractive view of the mountains and countless other things which caught her eye. For many miles Zoe had been glad of the distraction, she slowly sipped the ginger infused drink Grandpa had made for her and did her best to avoid raising Nick's suspicions as to just how queasy she actually felt.

Nick looked tired, Zoe knew he had had very little sleep. Something was playing on his mind. As the sign boards counted down the distance to the airport, Zoe began to hope she was simply imagining the sense of reluctance to return home that seemed to have engulfed him. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Holby was her home, no longer his, time had passed since he had fled his memories but Zoe doubted that it had even begun to heal the wounds. She had heard him promise to return to Michigan, he had also promised that he would stay with her. Zoe let out a small sigh, there was a history of betrayal and lies that hung heavily between Nick and herself. Suddenly she wished they had decided to stay in India just a few more days.

"You ok?" Nick asked softly, his voice laced with concern, the touch of his hand to hers filled with tenderness.

"Yeah." Zoe lied. "Would it be too soon to ask 'how much further is it'?" She forced a weak smile. Nick saw right through her.

"It's never too soon." He grinned. "Another hundred miles, we just passed a sign board."

"I'd forgotten how big this country is." Zoe groaned. The journey to the airport was a mere fraction of the distance she had travelled to find Nick, but that journey had been buoyed by anticipation. Zoe had to admit that she was dreading returning to Holby, facing her colleagues, her mother, the possibility of loosing Nick, the prospect of giving birth to this child alone, or worse still not getting that far.


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